Please rate my 2nd AWA : Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA)
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# Please rate my 2nd AWA

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Joined: 21 Dec 2013
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07 Feb 2014, 19:32
Dear Forum members,

Will appreciate if you can provide your feedback and rating for my 2nd AWA. This was the topic published in the free test offered by Kaplan. My previous AWA can be seen at - please-rate-my-first-awa-165915.html

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The following appeared in the opinion section of a national newsmagazine:

“To reverse the deterioration of the postal service, the government should raise the price of postage stamps. This solution will no doubt prove effective, since the price increase will generate larger revenues and will also reduce the volume of mail, thereby eliminating the strain on the existing system and contributing to improved morale.”

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion, be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion. (used with permission from mba.com)

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RESPONSE -

Opinion provided by national news magazine to reverse the deterioration of the postal service is based on single solution and doesn't take other factors into considerations. Given the lack of supporting information, it may happen that the solution provided to reverse the deterioration may not work.

Firstly, the view exhibited in opinion suggests that if prices of stamp are increased it would increase the revenue for the postal department. It doesn't provide any supporting evidence to suggest that how would customers react to the increase in price of postal stamp. It may be possible that customers would use other means and in turn reduce the revenue for the postal department. Also, increase the revenue for the posts doesn't necessarily mean improvement in postal services. Additional revenue, if generated, may not be used to improve the quality of service provided in post office and rather showcased as improvement in profits in the short term. If the opinion would have provided information to suggest how the additional revenue would be used in improving the postal service then it would have helped in strengthening of the argument.

Secondly, increase in value of postage stamps is linked to decrease in volume of mail leading to reduction of strain on existing systems and improved employee morale. Opinion makes an assumption that increase in postage stamps will reduce the volume of mail. This may not be true as the customers may not actually reduce the volume of mails they are currently sending. Also, the strain on the current system could be due to multiple reasons. It is possible that current system is strained due to lack of efficient staff, or not having enough technological advancements, or bad working conditions, etc.

Similarly, staff morale may not be affected due to the solution proposed. The opinion fails to consider that staff morale might be down due to other reasons and this is leading to bad services in postal departments. It's very likely that staff might not be happy with their wages or working conditions and this in turn is reflecting in their behavior with the customers.

Reviewing the opinion it can be derived that deterioration of postal service may not be fixed through single solution and their could be multiple factors at play. The opinion fails to provide evidence that could eliminate these factors. Hence, opinion provided is weak and may not be able to achieve it's stated objective.
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Please rate my 2nd AWA   [#permalink] 07 Feb 2014, 19:32
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# Please rate my 2nd AWA

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