Please, rate my analysis of an argument : Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA)
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# Please, rate my analysis of an argument

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Intern
Joined: 11 Nov 2013
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13 Nov 2013, 02:06
Q: The following appeared in a memorandum to the head of the advertising department of a cereal manufacturing corporation from an employee:

"Our Breakfast Crunch cereal contains at least 20% more vitamin K per serving than any other major cereal on the market. Furthermore, in our surveys, 75% of regular consumers of Breakfast Crunch say that they prefer its taste to that of any other cereal. But obviously, many people are not aware of these benefits of Breakfast Crunch, since its sales figures are low. To increase sales, we need to spread the word about our cereal's advantages. Therefore, we should completely redesign the front of the Breakfast Crunch box to describe these two features in detail, showing the scientific analysis of the amount of vitamin K in the cereal and the detailed results of our taste surveys."

A:

In the preceding statement the author claims that low sales of the Breakfast Crunch cereal are related to the fact that people are not aware of the important characteristics and advantages of that cereal. The author thinks that the company needs to change the design of the Breakfast Crunch's box including more details of its components in order to increase its sales. Though his claim may well have merit, the author presents a poorly reasoned argument, based on questionable premises and assumptions. Based solely on the evidence the author offers, we cannot accept his argument as valid.
First, the author claims that the reason that sales of Breakfast Crunch cereal is the unawareness of people about its advantages. However, he does not provide evidence or support for such an assertion. It is possible that the Breakfast Crunch lacks some other important vitamins or. Thus, the author needs some more information to figure out why the amount of sales of their cereal is low.
Second, the argument fails to consider how effective it will be to redesign the Breakfast Crunch box and include the description of its advantages. Many people even do not read the information written on the box of a cereal before buying it. Often a really nice and tasty picture of a cereal might be much more attractable.
Moreover, the argument assumes that this is the best way to increase sales of the cereal. However, it is important to analyze what other options are available. For instance, the company could increase the number of its TV and internet advertisements as those are two major sources of information for the majority of people.
While the author does not have several key issues in his argument's premises and assumptions, that is not to say that the entire argument is without base. The author could provide statistics which type of vitamin is the most important for different people. Another improvement would be to conduct a survey what percent of the population are aware of the Breakfast Crunch. This would help to find out whether the awareness of people affects sales rates of the cereal. Though there are several issues with the research and clarification, he could improve his argument significantly.
In sum, the author's illogical argument is based on unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that render his conclusion invalid. It cannot be said without more evidence and support that the unawareness of people is the main reason for low sales of the cereal and the best way to increase sales is to redesign its box. If the author truly hopes to change his readers' minds on the issue, he would have to largely restructure his argument, fix the flaws in his logic, clearly explicate his assumptions and provide evidentiary support. Without these things his poorly reasoned argument will likely convince few people.
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14 Nov 2013, 05:01
Your analysis is pretty close to perfect. I like the way you defend your position and the way you structure your argumentation.
1) A properly formulated thesis statement.
2) Evidence for every claim you make.
3) Logical structure and transition words - first, second and so on.
The only point which I think you might pay more attention to is the sentence structure. Double check if all of your sentences are complete. This one is definitely incomplete: "It is possible that the Breakfast Crunch lacks some other important vitamins or."
However, in general, I liked your analysis and I think that everyone will like it too.
Re: Please, rate my analysis of an argument   [#permalink] 14 Nov 2013, 05:01
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