Hey guys, can someone rate my essay on this topic?
I have my exam in a couple of weeks from now and I just started looking into AWA, so any suggestions are welcome!
The author of the business plan provided by a consulting firm claims that based on studies conducted the average coffee consumption increases as age increases and the average of cola consumption decreases as age increases. Given this and the aging population, the author suggests that it would be wise to transfer the investments from Cola Loca to Early Bird Coffee. Stated in this way, the argument fails to consider several key factors on the basis of which it could be evaluated. The conclusion of the argument relies on multiple assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Thus, the argument is unconvincing and has several flaws.
First, the author readily assumes that the trends in cola and coffee consumption will continue the same path in the future. This statement is a stretch since the trends that were the same for the past 40 years can, in fact, change due to various reasons. For example, it is possible that the increasing awareness of harmful effects on long-term coffee use will change the habits of heavy coffee-drinkers. Clearly, the same can apply for heavy drinkers of cola, which, according to the author, are individuals of younger age. Hence, given that the trends do not continue, the demand for coffee will not increase. If the author had explicitly mentioned other factors that could lead to an increased demand for coffee in the future, the argument would have been a lot more convincing.
Second, the argument states that the investments should be altered given the forecasted increase in demand for coffee and decrease in cola. This is again a very weak and unsupported claim as the argument does not demonstrate any evidence that would prove the benefits of the investments made in one company over the other. For instance, the coffee producing company may experience serious financial troubles or face a huge quality scandal which would, in turn, put the company at survival risk. If the author had provided proof, in a form of due diligence, that the coffee producing company is in a good condition to invest, the argument could have been strengthened.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the aforementioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author provided all the relevant facts such as proof for the continuation of trends or a due diligence of the coffee producing company. To assess the merits of a decision to de-diversify investments, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors. In this particular case, other instances illustrating the demand changes for coffee and cola. Without this information, the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.
Using the unofficial AWA grader GMATAWA, here is what I have:
AWA Score: 5 to 5.5 out of 6!
Coherence and connectivity: 4/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of idea and expression from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analysed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs is evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocaubulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word-usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Please do not forget to use the Chineseburnt AWA Template! https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html