Please rate my awa!! : Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA)
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Please rate my awa!!

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Manager
Joined: 23 Oct 2012
Posts: 57
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17 Sep 2013, 14:03
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“Our promotional price reductions on energy drinks have been highly successful, as we have seen a dramatic increase in unit sales. Further, surveys of our consumers indicate that this promotion was favorably received by the majority of our customers. Therefore, to improve our company’s profitability and enhance its perception in the eyes of consumers, similar price reductions should be offered on all drinks produced by our firm.”

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.

The argument claims that the dramatic increase in unit sales of an energy drink is due to the promotional price reductions on the drinks. Thus, to improve our company's profitability, similar price reductions should be offered on all drinks produced by the firm. Stated in this way, the argument manipulates several facts and conveys a distorted view of a situation. Though, the argument mentioned some valid points, the argument is weak without the relevant evidences. Thus, the argument is weak, unconvincing and has several flaws.

Firstly, the argument readily assumes that increase in unit sales caused by the promotional reductions on energy drink is because of the consumers purchasing the drinks. This statement undermines the argument. Increase in unit sales of energy drinks could be because of the retailers, who have overstocked the energy drinks. The argument solely relies on the survey, making it weak. For example, if the 100 people out of 10,000 people are chosen for a survey, it could be possible that only those 100 people have bought the energy drink and rest are bought by the retailers. The argument could have been strengthened, if the author mentioned the detailed evidences, on the basis of which the argument could be evaluated.

Secondly, the argument claims that to improve the company's profitability, similar pattern should be followed. The argument ignores several other factors that could be be taken into consideration for improving the company's profitability. The correlation of a particular class of energy drinks with all the drinks is not proper and clear. It could be possible that by offering similar promotional reductions on other drinks, the unit sales of those drinks decline. The argument fails to provide clear evidences that could have resulted in making the argument stronger.

Finally, without the proper facts, evidences and survey statistics, the argument is flawed. I agree that there are several valid points mentioned in the argument but without the answers to few questions the argument is unconvincing. What if the increase in unit sales of the energy drink is because of the retailers purchasing the energy drink in bulk ? what is the survey is biased ? Without the answers to these question, the argument seems to be more of a wishful thinking rather than a substantial one.

In conclusion, in order to assess any argument, proper understanding of the claims and evidences is necessary. As the argument fails to provide answer to the above-mentioned questions, the argument is flawed and open to debate.
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19 Sep 2013, 09:23
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Expert's post
I would give this essay a 3.5 or 4. your third point doesn't seem to have a clear direction, if it is supposed to be suggestions to improve the argument you should state that clearly. Also, the first assumption is really 2 short paragraphs stuck together and neither point contains sufficient analysis overall. Grammatically, try to keep the entire essay in the same tense, switching from past to present in the same paragraph is distracting from your introduction.
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21 Sep 2013, 10:13
BeckyRobinsonTPR wrote:
I would give this essay a 3.5 or 4. your third point doesn't seem to have a clear direction, if it is supposed to be suggestions to improve the argument you should state that clearly. Also, the first assumption is really 2 short paragraphs stuck together and neither point contains sufficient analysis overall. Grammatically, try to keep the entire essay in the same tense, switching from past to present in the same paragraph is distracting from your introduction.

Thank you very much.
cheers
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Re: Please rate my awa!!   [#permalink] 21 Sep 2013, 10:13
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