Please rate my AWA : Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA)
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Please rate my AWA

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Author Message
Joined: 22 Apr 2013
Posts: 95
Location: India
Concentration: Finance
GMAT 1: 660 Q48 V33
Followers: 1

Kudos [?]: 68 [0], given: 32

Please rate my AWA [#permalink]

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New post 19 Sep 2013, 19:35
In the passage, it is stated by the author that because Helios, an industrial center of the region, has a lower unemployment rate than the regional average and it is attempting to expand it economic base, corporations should look at Helios when seeking new business opportunities or a new location. However, on a deeper analysis, it is evident that there are certain aspects that have not been taken into account, leading to a number of mistaken assumptions and logical flaws.

One such flaw is that the comparison of Helios's unemployment rate to the regional average does not indicate much about the unemployment rate Helios. This comparison is questionable because there is no information regarding the regional average. For Ex., the regional average of the unemployment rate could have been 95% and Helios's unemployment rate could have been anywhere below 95% which would not be a positive for the corporations looking at Helios for new business opportunities. Therefore, the comparison the author makes is flawed. In order to strengthen the argument, the author should state the regional average and then compare Helios's unemployment rate to the average which would give a better idea comparatively.

Another statement, significantly weakening the argument is that the author mistakenly assumes that the success of a region is only based on the manufacturing jobs it provides. The corporations before moving to a new location looks at other factors that affect the company such as accessibility to the location, distribution network from the region, consumer base of the service the company provides. If the consumer base is not relevant to the company in Helios, then the company will look at other locations because the success is not guaranteed if the corporation sets up the base in Helios. To overcome this flaw, the argument should provide an analysis of all the factors that a corporation takes into account before making an important decision such as moving locations or when they analyze new business opportunities.

The author also wrongly concludes that in order to expand Helios's economic base it needs to attract only the corporations that focus on research and development of innovative technologies. There are many corporations that are not R&D firms but would be looking for new business opportunities. This argument is a general argument and may lead to many assumptions. A consulting firm does not come under the category of R&D, and may not be successful Helios because Helios is not attempting to expand its base to firms that provides services. The argument is contradictory and puts a cap on the type of firms that should seek Helios as a new location or new business opportunities.

After closer examination of the passage presented, it is apparent that there are several logical flaws in the author's attempt to show that corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new business opportunities or a new location. The recommendations in the essay show how the argument may be strengthened and made more logically sound.
Please rate my AWA   [#permalink] 19 Sep 2013, 19:35
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