Please rate my AWA : Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA)
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Author Message
Current Student
Joined: 05 Dec 2013
Posts: 32
Concentration: Technology
GMAT Date: 02-01-2014
GPA: 3.95
WE: Information Technology (Venture Capital)
Followers: 0

Kudos [?]: 6 [0], given: 3

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15 Jan 2014, 22:53
The following appeared as part of a business plan created by the management of the Take Heart Fitness Center.

“After opening the new swimming pool early last summer, Take Heart saw a 12 percent increase in the use of the center by members. Therefore, in order to increase the number of our members and thus our revenues, which depend on membership fees, we should continue to add new recreational facilities in subsequent years: for example, a multipurpose game room, a tennis court, and a miniature golf course. Being the only center in the area offering this range of activities would give us a competitive advantage in the health and recreation market.”

In the statement above, the author claims that the Take Heart Fitness Center should continue to add new recreational facilities in future years in order in order to increase its membership count and its revenue. In order to support this conclusion, the author mentions that the Take Heart Fitness Center saw a 12 percent increase in the use of the center by members after it opened a new swimming pool early last year. He claims that being the only center in the area offering this range of activities would give the fitness center a competitive advantage in the health and recreation market. Though the author’s claim may well have merit, he presents a poorly reasoned argument, based on several questionable assumptions, and based solely on the evidence he provides, we cannot accept his argument as valid.

The primary issue with the author’s reasoning lies in his unwarranted assumption that there is a causal effect between the increase in the use of the center by members and the opening of the swimming pool. While this may be the case, the author provides no evidentiary support to substantiate this assumption. Perhaps usage of the gym increased early last summer because it is a popular time of year for individuals to go to the gym. It may also be possible that there were additional classes offered at the gym that led to the increase in gym usage during this period. In fact, nowhere in the argument does it even mention that individuals used the pool. These confounding variables seriously undermine the assumption that there is a causal relationship between the pool opening and increased usage of the gym. For this reason, we cannot accept the author’s claim.

In addition, the author makes an assumption that the new facilities will help increase membership at the gym because the introduction of the swimming pool increased usage. However, this is not an apples-to-apples comparison. Nowhere in the argument did it state that the introduction of the pool helped bring new members to the gym. Because of this, it is difficult for us to assume that new facilities will help increase membership. The author weakens his argument by failing to clearly provide explication of the links between the premises and conclusion which he assumes exist.

Finally, the author claims that the new facilities would give the Take Heart Fitness Center a competitive advantage in the health and recreation market. While this statement may be true, there is no information provided about any other gym in the area. It is entirely possible that other gyms are more affordable and offer only those amenities that individuals truly value and are willing to pay for.

While we have pointed out a few key issues with the author’s argument, we are not claiming that it is entirely without base. The author can strengthen his argument in three specific ways. First, the author can provide information that there was indeed a causal relationship between the introduction of the swimming pool and increased usage. Second, the author could provide support for the claim that increased usage of the gym correlates with increased memberships. Third, the author could help the reader understand more about what other gyms in the area offer and what specific facilities individuals actually care about and are willing to pay for. Through additional research and clarification, the author can strengthen his argument significantly.

In sum, the author provides a poorly reasoned argument based on a number of questionable assumptions. If the author hopes to truly change his reader’s minds on the issue, he must largely restructure his argument, fix the flaws in his logic, clearly explicate his assumptions, and provide evidentiary support. Without doing these things, his poorly reasoned argument will likely convince few people.
Intern
Joined: 07 Jan 2014
Posts: 1
Schools: HSG '15
GMAT Date: 02-04-2014
Followers: 0

Kudos [?]: 0 [0], given: 5

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17 Jan 2014, 21:42
psal wrote:
The following appeared as part of a business plan created by the management of the Take Heart Fitness Center.

“After opening the new swimming pool early last summer, Take Heart saw a 12 percent increase in the use of the center by members. Therefore, in order to increase the number of our members and thus our revenues, which depend on membership fees, we should continue to add new recreational facilities in subsequent years: for example, a multipurpose game room, a tennis court, and a miniature golf course. Being the only center in the area offering this range of activities would give us a competitive advantage in the health and recreation market.”

In the statement above, the author claims that the Take Heart Fitness Center should continue to add new recreational facilities in future years in order in order to increase its membership count and its revenue. In order to support this conclusion, the author mentions that the Take Heart Fitness Center saw a 12 percent increase in the use of the center by members after it opened a new swimming pool early last year. He claims that being the only center in the area offering this range of activities would give the fitness center a competitive advantage in the health and recreation market. Though the author’s claim may well have merit, he presents a poorly reasoned argument, based on several questionable assumptions, and based solely on the evidence he provides, we cannot accept his argument as valid.

The primary issue with the author’s reasoning lies in his unwarranted assumption that there is a causal effect between the increase in the use of the center by members and the opening of the swimming pool. While this may be the case, the author provides no evidentiary support to substantiate this assumption. Perhaps usage of the gym increased early last summer because it is a popular time of year for individuals to go to the gym. It may also be possible that there were additional classes offered at the gym that led to the increase in gym usage during this period. In fact, nowhere in the argument does it even mention that individuals used the pool. These confounding variables seriously undermine the assumption that there is a causal relationship between the pool opening and increased usage of the gym. For this reason, we cannot accept the author’s claim.

In addition, the author makes an assumption that the new facilities will help increase membership at the gym because the introduction of the swimming pool increased usage. However, this is not an apples-to-apples comparison. Nowhere in the argument did it state that the introduction of the pool helped bring new members to the gym. Because of this, it is difficult for us to assume that new facilities will help increase membership. The author weakens his argument by failing to clearly provide explication of the links between the premises and conclusion which he assumes exist.

Finally, the author claims that the new facilities would give the Take Heart Fitness Center a competitive advantage in the health and recreation market. While this statement may be true, there is no information provided about any other gym in the area. It is entirely possible that other gyms are more affordable and offer only those amenities that individuals truly value and are willing to pay for.

While we have pointed out a few key issues with the author’s argument, we are not claiming that it is entirely without base. The author can strengthen his argument in three specific ways. First, the author can provide information that there was indeed a causal relationship between the introduction of the swimming pool and increased usage. Second, the author could provide support for the claim that increased usage of the gym correlates with increased memberships. Third, the author could help the reader understand more about what other gyms in the area offer and what specific facilities individuals actually care about and are willing to pay for. Through additional research and clarification, the author can strengthen his argument significantly.

In sum, the author provides a poorly reasoned argument based on a number of questionable assumptions. If the author hopes to truly change his reader’s minds on the issue, he must largely restructure his argument, fix the flaws in his logic, clearly explicate his assumptions, and provide evidentiary support. Without doing these things, his poorly reasoned argument will likely convince few people.

great work and appreciated
A 5/5.5 is awarded
you have organised the essay well but, it is a bit lengthy(not much,just a bit)
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