PLEASE RATE MY AWA : Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA)
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Joined: 15 Jul 2012
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PLEASE RATE MY AWA [#permalink]

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New post 13 Feb 2014, 04:35
The following appeared in an article in the health section of a newspaper.
“There is a common misconception that university hospitals are better than community or private hospitals. This notion is unfounded, however: the university hospitals in our region employ 15 percent fewer doctors, have a 20 percent lower success rate in treating patients, make far less overall profit, and pay their medical staff considerably less than do private hospitals. Furthermore, many doctors at university hospitals typically divide their time among teaching, conducting research, and treating patients. From this it seems clear that the quality of care at university hospitals is lower than that at other kinds of hospitals.”
Discuss how well reasoned... etc.

My reponse:

The author of the health section of the magazine concludes that the quality of care is lower in university hospitals when compared to other hospitals.he reasons by mentioning statistical data about the number of doctors, success rate of doctors, pay of the medical staff and division of time by doctors in doing their work, and claiming that the university hospitals lag behind in all these aspects. The argument seems weak, there are several concerns to be addressed.

To begin with, the author assumes that the number of doctors, success rate etc are all indicators of quality of care which are not up to the mark in university hospitals when compared to other kinds of hospitals.but it need not be true since there could be a possibility that the hospital size only demands a certain number of doctors also we don’t know the severity of patients health when they are brought to the university hospitals, for eg: the patients brought to the university hospitals might be in serious condition and the claim about profit is ridiculous as many community or private hospitals might be money minded, charging exorbitant sums for treating patients, while the university hospitals might be fair in charging the prices. All these factors make the conclusion less reasonable.

Secondly, the author mentions that the doctors at university hospitals divide their time in doing research, teaching etc.but we are not given enough information to show how this affects the quality of care and how do doctors at other hospitals divide their is likely that they might be spending a major portion of their time on conducting research, making them less effective in treating patients.

In conclusion the argument seems weak as it fails to provide sufficient information. To strengthen the argument the author should provide more information to prove the statistics put forward to support his claims about the size of the hospitals, condition of the patients when they are brought to hospitals, and how the time spend by each doctor affects their work.
PLEASE RATE MY AWA   [#permalink] 13 Feb 2014, 04:35
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