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Please rate my AWA essay: Apogee company

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Please rate my AWA essay: Apogee company [#permalink] New post 28 Oct 2013, 05:37
Question: The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:

“When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintains better supervision of all employees.”


Answer:
The argument that the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operation from a single location is flawed. In drawing this conclusion, the author not only fails to take into account that there may be factors other than location involved in supporting the company's profits but also fails to provide any information about the location of market. Furthermore, the author also fails to take under consideration the result of closing its field offices.

Firstly, the author provides no confirmation that the location is the only factor which supports the profit of the company. That is, there is no evidence provided about any other factors involved because of which the company had made profits. For instance, it may be that the employees were better than today or market position was better than in the current scenario.

Secondly, no information is provided about the location of the market, whether it is dense at a single place or distributed. If the market is distributed, setting up offices in the major market locations may be more profitable than condensing it into a single place.
Thirdly, the author fails to consider that unemployment would result if the company were to centralize, as, keeping more than one manager is definitely out of case if costs have to be cut down.

The argument can be strengthened by explicitly stating that location was the only factor when the company was centralized. As it stands, however, the argument is flawed for the reasons indicated.
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Re: Please rate my AWA essay: Apogee company [#permalink] New post 28 Oct 2013, 05:56
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ShreyaMotwani wrote:
Question: The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:

“When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintains better supervision of all employees.”


Answer:
The argument that the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operation from a single location is flawed. In drawing this conclusion, the author not only fails to take into account that there may be factors other than location involved in supporting the company's profits but also fails to provide any information about the location of market. Furthermore, the author also fails to take under consideration the result of closing its field offices.

Firstly, the author provides no confirmation that the location is the only factor which supports the profit of the company. That is, there is no evidence provided about any other factors involved because of which the company had made profits. For instance, it may be that the employees were better than today or market position was better than in the current scenario.

Secondly, no information is provided about the location of the market, whether it is dense at a single place or distributed. If the market is distributed, setting up offices in the major market locations may be more profitable than condensing it into a single place.
Thirdly, the author fails to consider that unemployment would result if the company were to centralize, as, keeping more than one manager is definitely out of case if costs have to be cut down.

The argument can be strengthened by explicitly stating that location was the only factor when the company was centralized. As it stands, however, the argument is flawed for the reasons indicated.



Hi ShreyaMotwani,

I would rate it to 4.
Some pointers:
1. Explain the flaws
2. If any assumptions are not clear
3. If more evidence is required
4. Whether some points in the argument are actually valid and can further be investigated
5. Some examples to prove all this.

Good luck
Please press KUDOS button on the left, if my post was of help ..
_________________

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Re: Please rate my AWA essay: Apogee company [#permalink] New post 28 Oct 2013, 06:17
crackgmatg wrote:
ShreyaMotwani wrote:
Question: The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:

“When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintains better supervision of all employees.”


Answer:
The argument that the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operation from a single location is flawed. In drawing this conclusion, the author not only fails to take into account that there may be factors other than location involved in supporting the company's profits but also fails to provide any information about the location of market. Furthermore, the author also fails to take under consideration the result of closing its field offices.

Firstly, the author provides no confirmation that the location is the only factor which supports the profit of the company. That is, there is no evidence provided about any other factors involved because of which the company had made profits. For instance, it may be that the employees were better than today or market position was better than in the current scenario.

Secondly, no information is provided about the location of the market, whether it is dense at a single place or distributed. If the market is distributed, setting up offices in the major market locations may be more profitable than condensing it into a single place.
Thirdly, the author fails to consider that unemployment would result if the company were to centralize, as, keeping more than one manager is definitely out of case if costs have to be cut down.

The argument can be strengthened by explicitly stating that location was the only factor when the company was centralized. As it stands, however, the argument is flawed for the reasons indicated.



Hi ShreyaMotwani,

I would rate it to 4.
Some pointers:
1. Explain the flaws
2. If any assumptions are not clear
3. If more evidence is required
4. Whether some points in the argument are actually valid and can further be investigated
5. Some examples to prove all this.

Good luck
Please press KUDOS button on the left, if my post was of help ..




Thank you so much for pointing out the gaps. I will certainly use these pointers to improve the essay writing. :)
Re: Please rate my AWA essay: Apogee company   [#permalink] 28 Oct 2013, 06:17
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