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Please rate my AWA essay: Apogee company

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Please rate my AWA essay: Apogee company [#permalink] New post 28 Oct 2013, 05:37
Question: The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:

“When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintains better supervision of all employees.”


Answer:
The argument that the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operation from a single location is flawed. In drawing this conclusion, the author not only fails to take into account that there may be factors other than location involved in supporting the company's profits but also fails to provide any information about the location of market. Furthermore, the author also fails to take under consideration the result of closing its field offices.

Firstly, the author provides no confirmation that the location is the only factor which supports the profit of the company. That is, there is no evidence provided about any other factors involved because of which the company had made profits. For instance, it may be that the employees were better than today or market position was better than in the current scenario.

Secondly, no information is provided about the location of the market, whether it is dense at a single place or distributed. If the market is distributed, setting up offices in the major market locations may be more profitable than condensing it into a single place.
Thirdly, the author fails to consider that unemployment would result if the company were to centralize, as, keeping more than one manager is definitely out of case if costs have to be cut down.

The argument can be strengthened by explicitly stating that location was the only factor when the company was centralized. As it stands, however, the argument is flawed for the reasons indicated.
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Re: Please rate my AWA essay: Apogee company [#permalink] New post 28 Oct 2013, 05:56
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ShreyaMotwani wrote:
Question: The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:

“When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintains better supervision of all employees.”


Answer:
The argument that the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operation from a single location is flawed. In drawing this conclusion, the author not only fails to take into account that there may be factors other than location involved in supporting the company's profits but also fails to provide any information about the location of market. Furthermore, the author also fails to take under consideration the result of closing its field offices.

Firstly, the author provides no confirmation that the location is the only factor which supports the profit of the company. That is, there is no evidence provided about any other factors involved because of which the company had made profits. For instance, it may be that the employees were better than today or market position was better than in the current scenario.

Secondly, no information is provided about the location of the market, whether it is dense at a single place or distributed. If the market is distributed, setting up offices in the major market locations may be more profitable than condensing it into a single place.
Thirdly, the author fails to consider that unemployment would result if the company were to centralize, as, keeping more than one manager is definitely out of case if costs have to be cut down.

The argument can be strengthened by explicitly stating that location was the only factor when the company was centralized. As it stands, however, the argument is flawed for the reasons indicated.



Hi ShreyaMotwani,

I would rate it to 4.
Some pointers:
1. Explain the flaws
2. If any assumptions are not clear
3. If more evidence is required
4. Whether some points in the argument are actually valid and can further be investigated
5. Some examples to prove all this.

Good luck
Please press KUDOS button on the left, if my post was of help ..
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Re: Please rate my AWA essay: Apogee company [#permalink] New post 28 Oct 2013, 06:17
crackgmatg wrote:
ShreyaMotwani wrote:
Question: The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:

“When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintains better supervision of all employees.”


Answer:
The argument that the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operation from a single location is flawed. In drawing this conclusion, the author not only fails to take into account that there may be factors other than location involved in supporting the company's profits but also fails to provide any information about the location of market. Furthermore, the author also fails to take under consideration the result of closing its field offices.

Firstly, the author provides no confirmation that the location is the only factor which supports the profit of the company. That is, there is no evidence provided about any other factors involved because of which the company had made profits. For instance, it may be that the employees were better than today or market position was better than in the current scenario.

Secondly, no information is provided about the location of the market, whether it is dense at a single place or distributed. If the market is distributed, setting up offices in the major market locations may be more profitable than condensing it into a single place.
Thirdly, the author fails to consider that unemployment would result if the company were to centralize, as, keeping more than one manager is definitely out of case if costs have to be cut down.

The argument can be strengthened by explicitly stating that location was the only factor when the company was centralized. As it stands, however, the argument is flawed for the reasons indicated.



Hi ShreyaMotwani,

I would rate it to 4.
Some pointers:
1. Explain the flaws
2. If any assumptions are not clear
3. If more evidence is required
4. Whether some points in the argument are actually valid and can further be investigated
5. Some examples to prove all this.

Good luck
Please press KUDOS button on the left, if my post was of help ..




Thank you so much for pointing out the gaps. I will certainly use these pointers to improve the essay writing. :)
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Please rate my AWA essay: Apogee company [#permalink] New post 30 Oct 2014, 20:38
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Hi Guys

This is my first attempt to write the essay. Please rate it. Any feedback and comments will be appreciated.


The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:
“When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employees.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

The business department of the Apogee Company in its memorandum has claimed that Apogee company should centralize and conduct all its operation from a single location. As it would help in cutting down the costs, increase profitability and better supervision of Employees. The conclusion is based on the premise
that Company was more profitable earlier when it conducted its operation from a single location. I think there are several flaws in the line of argument. Hence, the argument sounds little weak and unconvincing.

First of all, the primary reason for low profitability can be completely different from the reason mentioned in the memorandum. There is not substantial evidence to cement that centralization would improve profitability. Profitability depends on the cost and the market price. It can be the case that the market price of the product has decreased over the past few years hence resulting in low profitability.

Secondly, the cost Analysis has not been mentioned. Due to Centralization the employees would have to travel to field for client meetings and other work. This will result
in the additional cost and inconvenience for the employees. It can be the case that most of the talented work force may not shift from their present working location. Also the company’s goodwill may take a hit by suddenly closing all the field offices and may lose some of the business to its competitors. A proper cost analysis would have helped to establish that centralization would result in lower costs.


Thirdly, the argument assumes that having a centralized office will help in the better supervision of Employees and eventually will improve efficiency. This assumption will not be applicable if the management doesn't have the right skills and are themselves at flaw. A little more in depth investigation to find the root cause would have strengthened the argument.

Without the relevant and contextual information, it is difficult to judge the efficacy of the argument suggested in the memorandum.
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Re: Please rate my AWA essay: Apogee company [#permalink] New post 03 Nov 2014, 04:49
vishal152511 wrote:
Hi Guys

This is my first attempt to write the essay. Please rate it. Any feedback and comments will be appreciated.


The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:
“When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employees.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

The business department of the Apogee Company in its memorandum has claimed that Apogee company should centralize and conduct all its operation from a single location. As it would help in cutting down the costs, increase profitability and better supervision of Employees. The conclusion is based on the premise
that Company was more profitable earlier when it conducted its operation from a single location. I think there are several flaws in the line of argument. Hence, the argument sounds little weak and unconvincing.

First of all, the primary reason for low profitability can be completely different from the reason mentioned in the memorandum. There is not substantial evidence to cement that centralization would improve profitability. Profitability depends on the cost and the market price. It can be the case that the market price of the product has decreased over the past few years hence resulting in low profitability.

Secondly, the cost Analysis has not been mentioned. Due to Centralization the employees would have to travel to field for client meetings and other work. This will result
in the additional cost and inconvenience for the employees. It can be the case that most of the talented work force may not shift from their present working location. Also the company’s goodwill may take a hit by suddenly closing all the field offices and may lose some of the business to its competitors. A proper cost analysis would have helped to establish that centralization would result in lower costs.


Thirdly, the argument assumes that having a centralized office will help in the better supervision of Employees and eventually will improve efficiency. This assumption will not be applicable if the management doesn't have the right skills and are themselves at flaw. A little more in depth investigation to find the root cause would have strengthened the argument.

Without the relevant and contextual information, it is difficult to judge the efficacy of the argument suggested in the memorandum.



Hi Vishal

Well penned. You've correctly identified the primary assumptions. Below are a few points that you may consider :

Have a developed conclusion.
Keep the transitions consistent: firstly, secondly.... or First, Second
Time yourself well; it seems you ran out of time by the end
State the assumption before you explain why it is unreasonable.

Also refer to the points mentioned by crackgmatg.


Best!
Dolly Sharma :)
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Re: Please rate my AWA essay: Apogee company   [#permalink] 03 Nov 2014, 04:49
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