Please rate my AWA - thank you!
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01 Oct 2013, 12:42
Hello,
I really appreciate any help in advance. This is my second written AWA, first one that I'm looking to get feedback on.
“On average, middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store products and services, while for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent. Since the number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically within the next decade, department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during that period. Furthermore, to take advantage of the trend, these stores should begin to replace some of those products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged consumer.”
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The argument claims that middle aged people spend a higher percentage of their total retail expenditure at department stores as compared to young people, and because the total number of middle age people is expected to increase greatly, retailers should replace some of their products that attract young people for ones that attract middle aged people. As a whole, the argument overlooks multiple factors that could adversely affect the conclusion and it uses premises based on percentages in order to make a claim on an absolute value.
The argument completely overlooks the possibility that attracting young consumers is a successful business strategy. It may be the case that retailers attempt to attract young consumers in order to develop a loyal customer, who will then shop at that department store his or her whole life. By replacing the products that attract young consumers for products that attract middle age consumers, the store may be increasing its short term profit, yet killing its long term potential as a viable business.
Furthermore, the argument states that the number of middle aged people will be increasing, but it does nothing to breakdown the retailers percentage of retailers sales. A rational business should look to maximize their potential lump sum profit, and should worry about attracting the demographics that spends the highest percent of their retail sales at department stores. It may be the case that young people spend more in total on retail services; therefore, even though young people spend a lower percentage of their retail expenditure on department stores, there overall spend at department stores may be higher. Moreover, the argument states that it expects the number of middle age people to increase drastically, but ignores the number of young people. Again, this ignores the possibility that the total number of young people will increase more than the total number of middle aged people, and hence, the expenditure of young people at department stores will increase by a greater factor than middle aged people. By replacing some of the products that attract young people for the products that attract middle aged people, the retailers will be missing out on these opportunities.
In conclusion, the argument uses relative information in order to make an absolute claim and identifies only a few aspects of what should be a complex analysis. In order to improve the argument, one would need to start by identifying the overall business strategy of the department stores. Next, one would expand the scope of the argument to analyze the expected future change of the number of other demographics, besides middle age people, combined with the expected percent of expenditure on department stores, to make a rational assessment for the products that the store should carry.