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Please rate my AWA. Thank you very much!

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Intern
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Joined: 30 Sep 2012
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Please rate my AWA. Thank you very much! [#permalink] New post 30 Sep 2012, 01:00
"Seven years ago, Zephyr Industries had no problem recruiting qualified candidates from college campuses. This year, however, Zephyr has hired only three qualified interns, fewer than one-quarter of those hired in each of the three preceding years. This suggests that the company's recruitment efforts need to be revamped. Since a growing number of potential recruits learn of career opportunities via social media and online discussion boards, Zephyr should suspend its campus recruitment efforts and instead hire social media consultants."


The argument presented in this text claims that Zephyr Industries can't hire qualified candidates from college campuses anymore because Zephyr Industries are not using social media and digital recruiting techniques very effective. This argument is somewhat correct but incomplete. The claim can be strengthened by taking into account some important key factors.

One of the assumptions is that social media and internet are the leading and most important recruitment techniques. This might seem correct but physical contact is a very important aspect of recruitment too. Campus recruitment shows future leaders that you care about them. Plus, it offers real time physical contact. Students can ask questions and get answers immediately. They can talk with real employees. Using merely social media sets a distance between students and the company.

Another flawed assumption that underlies the thinking is that not using social media is the only reason for Zephyr Industries' failure. This might not be the case. In the recent years, Zephyr Industries could have been unsuccessful in the recent years. Perhaps employees are less happy than before. If people don't want to work at your company, you cannot recruit qualified employees. So, this problem cannot be only associated with the lack of social media usage. Human resources strategies are at least as important.

To analyze Zephyr Industries' problem, we need further detailed information about the company. The argument can be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all relevant facts.
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Status: Yale! (whipped and bound)
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Location: United States (CA)
Concentration: Nonprofit
GMAT 1: 730 Q48 V42
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Re: Please rate my AWA. Thank you very much! [#permalink] New post 30 Sep 2012, 10:25
This essay is actually really strong! Maybe a 5?

Main weaknesses:

1) What ARE the relevant facts you wish were mentioned? Give examples and say how they would strengthen it.
2) My question about it is whether they are at the right schools. Maybe no one from those schools cares about Zephyr's field.
3) Where is your concluding paragraph?

According to the examples I've read that are 6's, most are longer. Length obviously doesn't make up for quality, but longer responses usually include more detailed reasoning and examples.
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Re: Please rate my AWA. Thank you very much!   [#permalink] 30 Sep 2012, 10:25
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