reto wrote:
After the airline industry began requiring airlines to report their on-time rates, Speedee Airlines achieved the number one on-time rate, with more than 89 percent of its flights arriving on time each month. And now Speedee is offering more flights to more destinations than ever before. Clearly, Speedee is the best choice for today’s business traveler.
In the passage, the author states that the airline company Speedee is the best choice for today's business traveler, change the verbiage do not copy the prompt verbatim. This is based on the premises that Spedee achieves, achieved the number one on-time rate, which means more than 89% of its flights arrive on time each month, paraphrase. However on deeper analysis it becomes apparent that certain relevant aspects have not been taken into consideration, leading to a number of serious flaws and mistaken assumptions.
One such flaw is the very general conclusion that Speedee is the best choice for today's business travelers. This conclusion seems to be based on the isolated fact that Speedee is ranked number one within the on-time rate of the airline industry. However, without knowing the specific customer preferences of the business travelers, it makes no sense, be polite with your rebuttals you can use "is difficult ..." to draw such a conclusion because there are further requirements which, that business travelers demand from an airline such as high-standard service, comfortable seats, and energy-plugs for their computers and so forth, do not use such words or "etc." in AWA prompts. To render this argument more valid, the author needs to evaluate whether time is the most important factor of business travelers.
Further, the writer's argument is incorrectly based on the assumption that the past number one on-time rate position of Speedee will hold in the future. However, the expanded offering of Speedee to serve more destinations might damage the punctuality of the airline in case Speedee decides to serve more destinations with just slightly more crew members and airplanes. To render this argument more valid, do not repeat the same words, the writer should dig deeper into the methods of how Speedee achieved, plans to achieve its expanded offering to the new destinations. The ratio of numbers of airplanes to destinations before Speedee was offering the new destinations and after would be useful to determine if, whether the expansion could be at cost of the punctuality.
Moreover, the author does not take the seize, size of Speedee into account. Imagine the following:, this is a formal piece of writing, do not write as you would speak Speedee airlines just operates with one airplane between Zurich and Geneva. A business traveler which, who will rely, relying only on Speedee only will probably not be satisfied with a 89 percent punctuality rate each month since he or she will rather take the train in this case, not necessarily. In order to strengthen this argument, the author should provide more details about the nature of Speedee's business. Where is it operating? Which destinations does it serve? What kind of alternative transportations methods are available on the given routes Speedee is serving? Not a good way. Do not pose questions directly. Write it in discussion form in AWA.
After closer examination of the passage presented, it is apparent that there are several logical flaws. The recommendations in this essay show how the argument might be strengthened and made more logically sound.
I would rate it a 4.0 on account of errors/modifications above. Make sure to use formal english and formal way of writing.