A few notes:
1. You did pretty well. I like how your essay is organized. You have an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion. Nicely done.
2. Your introduction is a little bit unclear, though. I think your introduction would be stronger if you start with a very clear main point. Your body paragraphs are all about maturing and growing up, so maybe use something like "I think that people go to university so they can grow up and become more mature." Make your point, and be confident!
3. This is very unclear: "In this essay it will be explained my view about why people go to colleges." Instead, try something like "In this essay I will explain why I feel this way." You can use that in every essay you write!
4. You use "also" in each of your body paragraphs. You could get more points by using more advanced transitional phrases in your body paragraphs. For example, you could try "Moreover
when students live..." or "Furthermore
when students live..."
5. There are some grammar issues. A few have been pointed out. Here's another one: "Living away from your
parents..." There are a few others... try to find them!
Hope this helps a bit.
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