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Please rate my essay.

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Please rate my essay. [#permalink] New post 24 Oct 2012, 04:22
Question: People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Answer:

Every student in a college or in an university has its owns purpose to attend the institution. This purpose can be an improvement of knowledge, a career growth or preparation and so many others. In this essay it will be explained my view about why people go to colleges.

First, I think that most of the college students are looking for an adventure. To be more specific, one of the advantages of studying in a college is the experience of living alone. Usually, students need to move from its cities to a different city and live with unfamiliar students. Doing this is a great way to improve your social communication and education. Also, when students are living in other cities, they will need to work and pay debts by themselves. This is another great experience where the students will learn how to properly manage its own money. To summarize, living away from the parents it is a good experience that will increase the students’ maturity and prepare them for the future.

Second, the knowledge of the students will be increased a lot. When you go to an university, you will need to study deeper aspects of a subject and you will learn a lot of new things. When you hardly study a specific subject, you can become a specialist in this field. Also, when you are learning different things, you can choose what is the most attractive subject to you and get focused on it. When you choose a field to focus, it is easier to find a job, because you will exactly know what you want to do. These improvements will make you more confident about your future and will help you to be a more valuable person to the market.

In conclusion, I think that students go to college with common main goals. First, to live without parents and get used to the independent life. And second, to increase knowledge and be more prepared to work in specific fields.
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Re: Please rate my essay. [#permalink] New post 28 Oct 2012, 10:40
Hi, I liked your essay. I think it is very motivational and sufficient one. I don't know what really I can advise you to improve in it. only, I can correct some words in your essay.
1.
GabrielRigo wrote:
This is another great experience where the students will learn how to properly manage its own money.
=if you say about students then tell their instead of its.
2.
GabrielRigo wrote:
When you hardly study a specific subject, you can become a specialist in this field.
=here the word hardly in fact means with little effort. this is exception which has different meaning of adverb than its adjective. Just say hard to mean students study with diligence.
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Re: Please rate my essay. [#permalink] New post 31 Oct 2012, 15:47
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A few notes:

1. You did pretty well. I like how your essay is organized. You have an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion. Nicely done.

2. Your introduction is a little bit unclear, though. I think your introduction would be stronger if you start with a very clear main point. Your body paragraphs are all about maturing and growing up, so maybe use something like "I think that people go to university so they can grow up and become more mature." Make your point, and be confident!

3. This is very unclear: "In this essay it will be explained my view about why people go to colleges." Instead, try something like "In this essay I will explain why I feel this way." You can use that in every essay you write!

4. You use "also" in each of your body paragraphs. You could get more points by using more advanced transitional phrases in your body paragraphs. For example, you could try "Moreover when students live..." or "Furthermore when students live..."

5. There are some grammar issues. A few have been pointed out. Here's another one: "Living away from yourparents..." There are a few others... try to find them!

Hope this helps a bit.
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Re: Please rate my essay.   [#permalink] 31 Oct 2012, 15:47
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