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please rate my essay ASAP

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please rate my essay ASAP [#permalink] New post 29 Oct 2012, 16:13
the widespread use of the internet has given people access to information on level never experienced before. how does this increase in the availability of information influence life in today's word?



Answer:

The internet use today has become a very common thing all over the world, the exchange of information became a very simple process, there are a lot of points of views in that area some think it is useful and other thing it is harmful in specific situations. It is said to be that internet is a double edged weapon

The widespread use of internet and computer made it so simple to reach information as it facilitates the communication between all kinds of people, and as information became available now it can affect our life in different aspects in our studies and researches, as a doctor can use another doctor’s information about a specific disease and learn from what the other doctor has reached which will help him in his job and at the end of the day the doctor and the patient benefit from this information availability.
I see that the availability of information affects our life in a good way it as well sometimes affects in a bad way it can be used in harmful things one can use it to spy on other people and one can use it to watch pornography which can destroy one’s life
The availability of information is one of the signs of freedom, as it leaves each one to his own choice and makes him responsible for the kind of information he seeks, some countries block some websites to protects their people from these information but I see as if they are controlling them.
Internet and information themselves are neutral not harmful or useful, the way w use determines whether they are harmful or useful so it can be said the availability of information is a double edged weapon.
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Re: please rate my essay ASAP [#permalink] New post 29 Oct 2012, 16:50
please any opinion
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Re: please rate my essay ASAP [#permalink] New post 31 Oct 2012, 07:35
I did a word count in MS WORD and it came out at 297 words. That's ALMOST long enough, however because your essay lacks organization it seems too short. Try practicing a four paragraph structure (introduction, body 1, body 2, conclusion).

The question asks "how does this increase in the availability of information influence life in today's word?" You need to create a clear answer to that question and you need to put it at the very beginning of your introduction. Your answer should not be "Yes, it has influenced life and let me tell you some ways." Something like "the increase in information has made it easier for people to become educated" is more specific and therefore better. Use the body paragraphs to provide examples of your main point.

And finally: as you probably already know, you need to develop your grammar. Practice, practice, practice. Until you have mastered English grammar (or come close), avoid writing extremely long sentences. They will only make your writing unclear. Stick to shorter, easier-to-understand (and easier to write) sentences. For example, this sentence is way too long and thus hard to follow:

"The widespread use of internet and computer made it so simple to reach information as it facilitates the communication between all kinds of people, and as information became available now it can affect our life in different aspects in our studies and researches, as a doctor can use another doctor’s information about a specific disease and learn from what the other doctor has reached which will help him in his job and at the end of the day the doctor and the patient benefit from this information availability."

I hope these comments help a bit!
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Last edited by watchsmart on 02 Nov 2012, 16:21, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: please rate my essay ASAP [#permalink] New post 31 Oct 2012, 14:31
it helped a lot really thank u
can u give me rating from 30 for this essay ?
thanks indvance
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Re: please rate my essay ASAP [#permalink] New post 31 Oct 2012, 15:36
As I said in reply to the private message you sent me I don't really feel comfortable rating essays. I'm a tutor, not a TOEFL grader. Maybe someone else can help with that. I did send you a link to an article I wrote about organizing and writing a good essay that can help you a lot. Check your PM folder. I'll post the link here if the mods are okay with that. :)
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Re: please rate my essay ASAP   [#permalink] 31 Oct 2012, 15:36
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