• You have transition words
• You have illustrated one point in each of the paragraph
Scope of improvements
• It is too short (to fetch a 6)
• There are too few assumptions you have illustrated
• Examples may not be the best way of illustrating an assumption (unlike an issue essay). Illustrate the flaw with ‘what if’s’.
• Conclusion is too short. Please note to list out the gist of each of the paragraphs in conclusion.
Here are some assumptions, which will help you to further illustrate the weakness of the argument:
1. ‘one location’ is the only cause for profitability
3. Less profit is assumed worse than cost of closing
4. One is the best choice (what is there was greater profit when they had two centers – than when they had one)
The essay that you have written will fetch close to a 4.