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Please rate my essay. Kudos for the same.

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Joined: 16 May 2013
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Please rate my essay. Kudos for the same. [#permalink] New post 08 Aug 2013, 23:32
The following appeared in the editorial section of a corporate newsletter.
The common notion that workers are generally apathetic about management issues is false, or at least outdated: a recently published survey indicates that 79 percent of the nearly 1,200 workers who responded to survey questionnaires expressed a high level of interest in the topics of corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits programs.”
Discuss how well reasoned... etc.

Please see my response below :

In this argument , the author concludes that workers are not apathetic to management issues. The conclusion is based on a survey among workers that indicates high level of interest in the topics of corporate restructuring and benefit programs. The survey mentions specifically that 79 percent of the 1200 respondents took active interest in the these topics . Though considerable this evidence is not substantial to derive the conclusion that workers are not apathetic to management issues. The argument is based on certain assumptions, lack of evidence to which questions the credibility of the argument.

First the author assumes that the survey correctly represents the sample of the worker population. The survey fails to provide the total number of workers surveyed. If the number of workers were indeed 1200, then the conclusion is strengthened. However, it could be that the total number surveyed was 10000. Since only 79% of 1200 among these responded favorably, weakens the conclusion.

Second, the evidence provided to support the above argument covers only two areas of management issues that are corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits programs. Management issues includes the management and organization of many broad issues like product planning, research, production and distribution, hiring and firing of employees, employees training etc. the two issues mentioned are not the representative of the others. Therefore, it is not justified to conclude that employees take high interests in management issues based on information about only two issues.

Third, the argument assumes that interest in corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits programs proves that workers are not apathetic towards management issues. It fails to consider that interest in these issues stem out of the workers personal interest since this issues would affect them directly. It would be unfair to assume that workers will be similarly interested in other management issue that do not concern them or concern them indirectly.

Thus without substantial evidence and without addressing the above mentioned issues, the argument is far-fetched and is difficult to accept.
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Concentration: General Management, Nonprofit
Schools: HBS '16, Fuqua
GMAT 1: 510 Q25 V36
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Re: Please rate my essay. Kudos for the same. [#permalink] New post 10 Aug 2013, 01:46
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Overall your essay seems to point out the main flaws of the argument and is concise. To develop the essay further I would also mention how to strengthen the argument in the essay.

In the introduction it might be useful to outline briefly why you think the argument is flawed and this will help set up the rest of your essay.

Good luck.

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Re: Please rate my essay. Kudos for the same. [#permalink] New post 18 Aug 2013, 05:24
Expert's post
This essay follows a good structure but the paragraphs could be a little more explained. The first body paragraph comes close to what you would want but he second and third read as a cursory analysis. also, this essay suffers from some glaring English usage problems that could be overcome by proofreading. As written I would grade this essay a 3.5 or 4
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Re: Please rate my essay. Kudos for the same.   [#permalink] 18 Aug 2013, 05:24
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