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Please rate my essay! Test on the 16th

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Manager
Manager
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Status: UC Berkeley 2012
Joined: 03 Jul 2010
Posts: 191
Location: United States
Concentration: Economics, Finance
GPA: 4
WE: Consulting (Investment Banking)
Followers: 3

Kudos [?]: 13 [0], given: 10

GMAT ToolKit User
Please rate my essay! Test on the 16th [#permalink] New post 12 Jan 2011, 06:04
Dear everyone!
I have just wrote my first essay on the integrated task. The problem is extracted from the cambridge book. Please feel free to make any comments/rate my essay! I really appreciate your opinion and certainly will reward it with kudos!

Have a nice day!
Marcel


On the one hand, the reading passage states that reward schemes tied to performance of employees increases their productivity and bases its argumentation on management studies. On the other hand, the professor critically examines the theory of reward schemes tied to compensation and casts serious doubts on its validity.
First of all, in the reading passage scholars explain that human beings are like bodies demanding external motivation and they point out that reward schemes fit into this motivation. In contrary, the professor argues that employees do not like just being paid for working hard, but rather want recognition and respect for their efforts. Hence, he casts doubt on the evidence exhibited by the passage. As a result, respect is a better external motivation than reward schemes.
Secondly, the article pushes the idea forth that reward schemes enhance the employees’ attitude, motivation and productivity. However, the speaker in the lecture contradicts the idea by explaining that employees rather feel punished by reward schemes. They often expect a certain amount of bonus, but if the actual bonus does not meet their expectations, they feel manipulated. Consequently, we can argue that indeed reward schemes worsen employees’ attitudes and loyalty towards their firms.
Finally, and most importantly, the text concludes that the biggest rewards go to the best employees. However, the professor contradicts this by mentioning that problems are simply not discussed with supervisors due to performance based reward schemes. Usually, employees working in teams engage in conversations with supervisors about problems they might encounter. However, reward schemes encourage employees to hide these problems. Therefore, we can fairly say that reward schemes decrease productivity.
In summary, the professor casts doubts on the main standpoint of the passage. We can safely assume that reward schemes are indeed counter productive. Therefore, the passage fails to compare theory with practice.
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Manager
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Joined: 16 Sep 2010
Posts: 123
Location: India
Schools: Terry, Georgia Tech
WE 1: Working for Wipro Technologies since April 2010
Followers: 13

Kudos [?]: 53 [1] , given: 22

Re: Please rate my essay! Test on the 16th [#permalink] New post 16 Jan 2011, 22:13
1
This post received
KUDOS
e1s wrote:
Dear everyone!
I have just wrote my first essay on the integrated task. The problem is extracted from the cambridge book. Please feel free to make any comments/rate my essay! I really appreciate your opinion and certainly will reward it with kudos!

Have a nice day!
Marcel


On the one hand, the reading passage states that reward schemes tied to performance of employees increases their productivity and bases its argumentation on management studies. On the other hand, the professor critically examines the theory of reward schemes tied to compensation and casts serious doubts on its validity.
First of all, in the reading passage scholars explain that human beings are like bodies demanding external motivation and they point out that reward schemes fit into this motivation. In contrary, the professor argues that employees do not like just being paid for working hard, but rather want recognition and respect for their efforts. Hence, he casts doubt on the evidence exhibited by the passage. As a result, respect is a better external motivation than reward schemes.
Secondly, the article pushes the idea forth that reward schemes enhance the employees’ attitude, motivation and productivity. However, the speaker in the lecture contradicts the idea by explaining that employees rather feel punished by reward schemes. They often expect a certain amount of bonus, but if the actual bonus does not meet their expectations, they feel manipulated. Consequently, we can argue that indeed reward schemes worsen employees’ attitudes and loyalty towards their firms.
Finally, and most importantly, the text concludes that the biggest rewards go to the best employees. However, the professor contradicts this by mentioning that problems are simply not discussed with supervisors due to performance based reward schemes. Usually, employees working in teams engage in conversations with supervisors about problems they might encounter. However, reward schemes encourage employees to hide these problems. Therefore, we can fairly say that reward schemes decrease productivity.
In summary, the professor casts doubts on the main standpoint of the passage. We can safely assume that reward schemes are indeed counter productive. Therefore, the passage fails to compare theory with practice.


The essay is quite good. I would give it at least a 4.5 out of 6.

If you can try and minimize the number of typos and grammatical errors. Also, try and insert a few lines here and there. The essay is good but I am not sure it has crossed the 400 words mark.

All the Best!
_________________

Samidh
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Feel free to get in touch if you feel I can be of some assistance to you. You can find me in Facebook if you search!


Consider giving me some kudos if you like my post

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Joined: 12 Apr 2010
Posts: 459
Location: Spain
Schools: Chicago (Booth) - Class of 2013
GMAT 1: 740 Q50 V40
WE: Information Technology (Investment Banking)
Followers: 32

Kudos [?]: 258 [1] , given: 151

GMAT Tests User Reviews Badge
Re: Please rate my essay! Test on the 16th [#permalink] New post 16 Jan 2011, 22:29
1
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I think your essay is very good. With something like this you will score 28 to 30.

The length of the essay I think is good too. In fact, I don’t think you should write more than 400. I tend to disagree with samidh, who thinks that the essays should be between 400 and 500 :P.

By the way, I don’t think this is correct: the article pushes the idea forth. The correct would be: the article pushes forth the idea

Good luck
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Manager
Manager
avatar
Status: UC Berkeley 2012
Joined: 03 Jul 2010
Posts: 191
Location: United States
Concentration: Economics, Finance
GPA: 4
WE: Consulting (Investment Banking)
Followers: 3

Kudos [?]: 13 [0], given: 10

GMAT ToolKit User
Re: Please rate my essay! Test on the 16th [#permalink] New post 17 Jan 2011, 01:04
Thanks buddys! I just have had my Toefl two days ago! My Goal was to achieve at least 110, my graduate schools' required scores are 107. I will post my debrief after I have my score. For the reading passage, I got 5 articles. Do you know whether the 2&3 or the 4&5 are the one determining your score?

Thanks again for your comments on my text! I wrote about 360 for the first task and about 420 for the second (had a hard time to find a second reason supporting any of both statements in the real test).
Current Student
avatar
Joined: 12 Apr 2010
Posts: 459
Location: Spain
Schools: Chicago (Booth) - Class of 2013
GMAT 1: 740 Q50 V40
WE: Information Technology (Investment Banking)
Followers: 32

Kudos [?]: 258 [0], given: 151

GMAT Tests User Reviews Badge
Re: Please rate my essay! Test on the 16th [#permalink] New post 17 Jan 2011, 01:09
e1s wrote:
For the reading passage, I got 5 articles. Do you know whether the 2&3 or the 4&5 are the one determining your score?


No one knows that :P.

Keep us posted once you receive your score. Good luck,

rid
_________________

Club-MBA - Comunidad MBA en español | Mi Blog "Mi MBA en Chicago Booth"

Get the best GMAT Prep Resources with GMAT Club Premium Membership

Manager
Manager
avatar
Status: UC Berkeley 2012
Joined: 03 Jul 2010
Posts: 191
Location: United States
Concentration: Economics, Finance
GPA: 4
WE: Consulting (Investment Banking)
Followers: 3

Kudos [?]: 13 [0], given: 10

GMAT ToolKit User
Re: Please rate my essay! Test on the 16th [#permalink] New post 17 Jan 2011, 03:22
yeah in my opinion the level were significantly different. The latter two (4&5) were much easier then the first two (2&3).
Re: Please rate my essay! Test on the 16th   [#permalink] 17 Jan 2011, 03:22
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