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Please rate my essay ...thanks in anticipation

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Senior Manager
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Kudos [?]: 288 [0], given: 20

Please rate my essay ...thanks in anticipation [#permalink] New post 21 May 2010, 22:18
In matching job candidates with job openingsHidden text , managers must consider not
only such variables as previous work experience and educational background but
also personality traits and work habits, which are more difficult to judge.
What do you consider essential in an employee or colleague? Explain, using
reasons and/or examples from your work or worklike experiences, or from your
observations of others.


My response:

The statement above states that managers should not only consider previous work experience and educational background, but should also take in to account personality traits and work habits to hire a valuable candidate for a position. I strongly agree with this position because in my professional experience, I have come across so many situations and been in so many experiences that it is my firm belief that personality traits are as important as someone's education and work history.

For one, I am a strong believer that an ideal candidate for a position is based more on personality traits than anything else. The first and foremost thing I look for during an interview is the candidate's ability to work in teams. Think of soccer teams, for instance, the most successful teams are the one's that have the best team work, not necessarily the best players in the world but the best team work. Just like that, in a professional environmant, taking on big challenges requires a team to function in sync just like different parts of a machine. If we have one part that doesn't work well with the rest of the machinery, it can just cause the whole machine to halt!. This is not what we want. Clearly, hiring a candidate based solely on professional and academic background will be useless if that one person is not a team player.

Although, I don't rule out work experience and education, I believe that what is more important is what one takes out of an education and experience. Just like almost everyone will throw out this cliched claim in an interview: "I have learned from my mistakes". I take this very skeptically. I have come across a lot of examples in my life where people have not learned from their mistakes. In fact, if you put them in the same situation, they will make the same mistake, just out of habit. So, it boils down to one's personality, more than just experience, on how one learns from his or her experiences. Thus, I believe that maturity in a candidate is more important than the on-paper experience mentioned.

Moreover, I believe that a candidate who is passionate, ambitious, loyal and dedicated, brings a lot to the table than any other candidate. These are the essential blocks of success in the corporate world. Even if one of them is missing, one would have trouble achieving his goals. Take for instance loyalty as an example, if one is not loyal to his own company, then no matter what he does it shows in his work and his colleagues will perceive him as someone who is not working for the greater good of the company but, maybe, his own.

I can see how one can make a counter argument about a person who is not very bright or experienced and a company hires him. However, I am a believer or hard work. People can achieve their goals as long as they don't quit just as the famous saying goes: "People don't fail, they quit". Thus, again a personal trait, in this case hard-work, can even help a person who is not perceived as bright by others.

In conclusion, I am a strong believer that personal traits can take a person to the heights of success in his professional endeavours. Thus, managers should not just look at one's personality but look at it very closely to hire the best of the candidates from the lot.
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Re: Please rate my essay ...thanks in anticipation [#permalink] New post 22 May 2010, 11:54
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Hey hey. This is going be a bit of tough love here. I'm going to sound like a real douche in a moment while tearing this up but I figure you need to get it now before it kills your AWA:
dimitri92 wrote:
In matching job candidates with job openingsHidden text , managers must consider not
only such variables as previous work experience and educational background but
also personality traits and work habits, which are more difficult to judge.
What do you consider essential in an employee or colleague? Explain, using
reasons and/or examples from your work or worklike experiences, or from your
observations of others.


My response:

The statement above states [<< Redundant right off the bat. Weak start :(]that managers should not only consider previous work experience and educational background, but should also take in to account personality traits and work habits to hire a valuable candidate for a position. [<< Using the first chunk of words to restate the question is bad idea IMO. I forget the general etiquette, but as a reader I'm thinking "yeah I KNOW all this, I asked/read the question... you're wasting my time."] I strongly agree with this position because in my professional experience, I have come across so many situations and been in so many experiences [that it is my firm belief << You already strongly agreed. This is 100% redundant] that personality traits are as important as someone's education and work history.

IMO that whole first paragraph is a bit of a waste. You added nothing of value... it would have been boiled down to "I've come across this before." The question asks: "What do you consider essential in an employee or colleague?" You haven't even started to answer this yet...

[For one << don't need this, too conversational], [I am a strong believer << you've used this language already, it's getting tiresome] that an ideal candidate for a position is based more on personality traits than anything else. The first and foremost thing I look for during an interview is the candidate's ability to work in teams. [Think of soccer teams, for instance, the most successful teams are the one's that have the best team work, not necessarily the best players in the world but the best team work. << this whole sentence is riddled with grammar errors from "one's" to a run on...] Just like that, in a professional [environmant << misspelling? Are you kidding me man? I'm stopping here, this essay has been torpedoed...],

And I had to stop. Because I could anticipate many more of the same types of things. You're injecting way too much conversational fluff into this. The whole first paragraph was nothing but filler man! The first sentence out of the gate needs to be something compelling, though provoking, insightful... if you wanted to work in the soccer analogy maybe START with that:

"In my experience I've found that hiring decisions in business share a striking amount of similarities with the decisions involved in drafting soccer players."

Right away I've covered the fact that you're experienced, I've set up the soccer analogy AND the reader is like "really? Tell me more."

Also, do. Not. Misspell. Words. Perfect grammar construct is not my strong point. I write like a writer does, not a Victorian English teacher. So my first sentence up there might be technically full of small errors. But if someone like me can pick out the comma overuse and apostrophe screw ups, then you're in trouble!

That is all for now, if you have specific questions, let me know!
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Senior Manager
Senior Manager
User avatar
Affiliations: SPG
Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 326
Followers: 11

Kudos [?]: 288 [0], given: 20

Re: Please rate my essay ...thanks in anticipation [#permalink] New post 23 May 2010, 03:01
dalmba wrote:
Hey hey. This is going be a bit of tough love here. I'm going to sound like a real douche in a moment while tearing this up but I figure you need to get it now before it kills your AWA:
dimitri92 wrote:
In matching job candidates with job openingsHidden text , managers must consider not
only such variables as previous work experience and educational background but
also personality traits and work habits, which are more difficult to judge.
What do you consider essential in an employee or colleague? Explain, using
reasons and/or examples from your work or worklike experiences, or from your
observations of others.


My response:

The statement above states [<< Redundant right off the bat. Weak start :(]that managers should not only consider previous work experience and educational background, but should also take in to account personality traits and work habits to hire a valuable candidate for a position. [<< Using the first chunk of words to restate the question is bad idea IMO. I forget the general etiquette, but as a reader I'm thinking "yeah I KNOW all this, I asked/read the question... you're wasting my time."] I strongly agree with this position because in my professional experience, I have come across so many situations and been in so many experiences [that it is my firm belief << You already strongly agreed. This is 100% redundant] that personality traits are as important as someone's education and work history.

IMO that whole first paragraph is a bit of a waste. You added nothing of value... it would have been boiled down to "I've come across this before." The question asks: "What do you consider essential in an employee or colleague?" You haven't even started to answer this yet...

[For one << don't need this, too conversational], [I am a strong believer << you've used this language already, it's getting tiresome] that an ideal candidate for a position is based more on personality traits than anything else. The first and foremost thing I look for during an interview is the candidate's ability to work in teams. [Think of soccer teams, for instance, the most successful teams are the one's that have the best team work, not necessarily the best players in the world but the best team work. << this whole sentence is riddled with grammar errors from "one's" to a run on...] Just like that, in a professional [environmant << misspelling? Are you kidding me man? I'm stopping here, this essay has been torpedoed...],

And I had to stop. Because I could anticipate many more of the same types of things. You're injecting way too much conversational fluff into this. The whole first paragraph was nothing but filler man! The first sentence out of the gate needs to be something compelling, though provoking, insightful... if you wanted to work in the soccer analogy maybe START with that:

"In my experience I've found that hiring decisions in business share a striking amount of similarities with the decisions involved in drafting soccer players."

Right away I've covered the fact that you're experienced, I've set up the soccer analogy AND the reader is like "really? Tell me more."

Also, do. Not. Misspell. Words. Perfect grammar construct is not my strong point. I write like a writer does, not a Victorian English teacher. So my first sentence up there might be technically full of small errors. But if someone like me can pick out the comma overuse and apostrophe screw ups, then you're in trouble!

That is all for now, if you have specific questions, let me know!


I would say that is a good critique. I hope you are not picking on the small mistakes I am typing out right now :). I really need to pay more attention when typing out the essay. I need to be more careful. I think the motivation to get 700+, sometimes derails you from putting any effort in writing a nice essay. Anyways, thanks for your response. I will try to post a better essay next time but you are welcome to critique it just like this because it offers really good and honest perspective.

Thanks
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Re: Please rate my essay ...thanks in anticipation   [#permalink] 23 May 2010, 03:01
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