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Please, rate my essays!

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Please, rate my essays! [#permalink] New post 11 Feb 2011, 15:13
Hello everyone,

I am taking the GMAT on February 24 and I would really appreciate some feedback on my essay writing skills! Thanks A BUNCH!

ESSAY QUESTION:
"Children today have an unprecedented number of options when it comes to entertainment. Since no parent can be aware of all of these options, it falls to the entertainment media to ensure that their content is suitable for young consumers."

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your point of view with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.




YOUR RESPONSE:
In my opinion, it is nobody's responsibility to ensure the content of the entertainment media that's being watched by a young consumer is apropriate, but that consumer's parent or guardian. I dissagree with the opinion stated above for three reasons.
Firstly, the entertainment business is, first and foremost, a business. No matter how much the content is controlled, the final product has to sell and what sells best usually is not apropriate for young people to watch. Take, for example, the Super Ball in 2007. Usually an event rated "E"(for everyone"), this particular edition contained a scene of nudity that was considered "a mistake". Of course, it wasn't proven otherwise, but thousands of young people watched that day something that otherwise they wouldn't have. This proves the unreliability of television's ratings and the fact that all entertainment media has to somehow sell, and sometimes the methods used are not beneficial to our children.
Secondly, I disagree with the conclusion that parents should give up their control as they cannot be aware of äll"entertainment options. Since when this has become a subject where we should judge in black and white? Yes, we might not always be able to control everything our children watch of consume as entertainment, but this does not mean we have to give up on our responsibility as parents to control as much as we can. The entertainment media won't ever take decisions with our children in mind. Also, there are many tools availble for parents to limit the access their children have to entertainment. For example, one of my frineds has set up on her computer a "watch dog", a program that denies access to certain websites and does not play videos that aren't previously aproved by parents.
Lastly, the argument fails to take into consideration what parent can do, besides controlling access, in order to assure their children are enjoying the appropriate form of entertainment. Education. Children do listen and parents need to directly communicate the effects that bad entertainment can have upon them. Violent games are not that much fun when children realize the Virginia Tech shootings were instigated by such entertainment. Violence simply shouldn't be sols as entertainment. And when children hear this from parents, alog with seeing the proof in the world that surrounds us, they are more likely to make smart decisions when it comes to entertainment.

The media is not responsable for anything other that informing and entertaining us. It is up to the parents to make sure their children get the best of it, just like they do when along with teaching how to ride a bike, they stress out the importance of wearing a helmet too.
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Re: Please, rate my essays! [#permalink] New post 11 Feb 2011, 15:14
Second one:

ESSAY QUESTION:
The following appeared in a print advertisement for a dietary supplement:

“According to a recent study, professional bodybuilders who used Train & Gain, a new protein supplement, over the course of three months experienced an increase in measured strength of up to 20%. Since Train & Gain is now available without prescription at all major pharmacies, superior results are no longer limited to professional athletes. Try Train & Gain today and you too can boost your strength and achieve professional-level performance in just a few months.”

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.

YOUR RESPONSE:
According to the article, the "Train&Gain" (T&G) supplement sounds to be a great discovery for the professional bodybuilders, but does this mean it will have the same effects for people that never have stepped in a gym?
Firstly, lets consider the specifics of the particular group that have tried the T & G protein supplement. Professional bodybuilders train regularly and put particular efforts into increasing their strength. People that exercise a few hours a week don't necessarly want to increase their strength. Some do it to lose wait, some do it for fun and some do it just to stay in shape. For them, advertising T&G as a supplement that can help reach "professional-level performance" is just not appealing.
Secondly, the promise of reaching professional-level performance in just a few months is not realistic for the big majority of people that may be interested in the product. Professional bodybuilders have reached their level of performance after years of practice not after a few months of taking a miracle supplement.
Lastly, the argument is weakend particularly by the last sentence. It is assumed that you should exercise to get the promised results, but this is nowhere specified. Customers can understand, based on the last sentence, that they can take a dose "T&G"", watch a movie and expect to wake up feeling stronger or even having reached a professional-level performance just by sleeping.
The argument could be made stronger but presenting the results of a study of the product on a group of regular people. The outcome would be much better knowing that the product was indeed effective on a group of people that is representative for the majority of us. Even if the results might not picture a 20% increase in strenght, the customers will more likely buy the product knowing that the control group is somewhat like them.
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Re: Please, rate my essays! [#permalink] New post 11 Feb 2011, 15:36
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Re: Please, rate my essays! [#permalink] New post 30 Oct 2012, 05:35
please rate my essay....!

essay question:Nowadays, food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

Food is the basic necessity of life because it gives ones energy to perform all his work correctly. Some years back, everyone have to completely cook food item at home or they have to buy it from the restaurants, the second option is feasible but this one is also costly solution. In presents years now preparation of food is become easier than past years. Its help people in improving their life but it are also have some drawbacks.

Nowadays, all foods are available in frozen packs, further the spices used in it also available in packs according to their quantities which at present is a great blessing for people because of its several advantages. First it required comparatively lesser time than to cook food by our own recipe. Moreover, tastes are mostly good because company already added spices at the time of it packing. Thus, the time they save can be spend with family, friends and even towards career establishment.

Secondly, it also convenient ones life. For instead, if some one is getting late to his office or school, he may just simply make a coffee in a coffee maker and simultaneously toast breads in toaster which hardly take two to three minutes, further, if one is very tired and does not want to cook food, they may just take frozen food from refrigerator and defrost in microwave. Hence, this makes the people life very convenient and luxurious.

But apart from its benefits, its also have some drawbacks. Like, the quality of frozen foods and food prepare using electronic devices is not the same as get quality from the home cooked food on stove. Due to which it frequent use may hazardous to health of a person. Thus, in my point of view, use the new ways of cooking is good but it’s over use may harmful for health and health is always a first priority of ones life.
Re: Please, rate my essays!   [#permalink] 30 Oct 2012, 05:35
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