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please score me out of 6 for this first attempt of essay

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please score me out of 6 for this first attempt of essay [#permalink] New post 12 Jun 2013, 02:37
hello! every one.
this is my first attempt to write an essay please rate this essay and tell my weak points thanks.

Why Do People Feel Isolated from Each Other and what are the solutions?

It is a well known proverb that “Humans are social animals and they can’t live without each other”. People have been living in communities since very beginning, they have always relied to one another. If it is really so than why people feel isolated from one another now? Are they really isolated or its just that they have created some wrong feeling about one another. Well one may think that being biased , egotist, cynic and having misrepresented personality isolated one person from one another.
While trying to address this issue one may see different scenarios. Firstly if subject ‘A’ had a bad experience in his/her life and he starts living isolate d and if subject ‘B’ wants attachment so badly with ‘A’ and fails to do so. Then ‘B’ will think that people perhaps don’t want him, Or perhaps he/she is not good enough, hence such misrepresentation of personality isolates people. Secondly people due to their ego are always waiting for others to talk to them first, instead offering themselves for friendship. Because they think they are better than others so other people should come to them and talk to them first. Thirdly being biased also isolates people for example in one family if parents love some children more than others. Such bias behavior of parents will isolate their children. Or for instance if a group of students plan to go on a trip and some of them wants to go on some place and other don’t like that place , in this scenario if one group does not give up their one sided attitude and go with other group then both group will become isolated. Finally a cynic person may think that people are not sincere and being isolated is the only way to live well if it is really true for them then why they forget that five fingers of one fingers can be the same. So it turns out that all people are not bad neither all are good so one may not create a feeling for others without getting to know them.
The remedy for these problems is to stop being biased and start respecting other feelings too, and most probably put and end to ego, cynical behavior and misrepresentation. When such negative attitudes are left behind then people will become a mutually connected community again.
please score me out of 6 for this first attempt of essay   [#permalink] 12 Jun 2013, 02:37
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please score me out of 6 for this first attempt of essay

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