Please rate this essay Gurus and Peers : Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA)
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# Please rate this essay Gurus and Peers

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13 Mar 2013, 04:36
Hello fellow clubber,

Can you please rate this one.this is my first essay.

“In the first four years that Montoya has served as mayor of the city of San Perdito, the population has decreased and the unemployment rate has increased. Two businesses have closed for each new business that has opened. Under Varro, who served as mayor for four years before Montoya, the unemployment rate decreased and the population increased. Clearly, the residents of San Perdito would be best served if they voted Montoya out of office and reelected Varro.”

Discuss how well.....

Based on the premises that during the four years Montoya served as the Mayor of San Perdito, the population of the city decreased and the unemployment rate increased and that the population increased and unemployment rate increased during the office of Varro, the author concludes that the residents of the city would be best served if they re-elected Varro as the city’s Mayor. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence provided.

First, the author readily assumes that Montoya was primarily responsible for the increase in the unemployment rate and decrease in the population of the city of San Perdito. The author fails to cite any evidence linking Montoya for the increase and decrease in the unemployment rate and population, respectively. For example, one may contest that economic policies that Varro established during his tenure as the city’s Mayor were responsible for the effect that is mentioned. The bad policies started to realize when Montoya was the Mayor. Thus, without any logical evidence that establishes city’s poor population and poor employment rate to Montoya’s policies, it is difficult to blame Montoya.

Secondly, the statistics that for one new business two existing businesses have closed in San Predito doesn’t warrants that Montoya is solely responsible. This exaggerated point. One may argue that the new businesses gave tough competition to existing businesses in the city. Furthermore, one may argue that it’s because of Montoya’s effort, new businesses are coming up in the city.

Finally, the premise that unemployment rate has gone up and city’s population has gone down doesn’t show that residents are discontent with Montoya’s economic policies. Indeed, the low unemployment rate and low population of a city are generally emotive issues, but the author here fails to provide the evidence that residents are actually not happy with Montoya as the Mayor.

In conclusion, the argument is flawed. To strengthen the argument, author can provide substantive evidence that links Montoya’s policies directly contributed in the city’s high unemployment rate and low population and that because of them, the residents are not content with Montoya as the Mayor of the city.
Please rate this essay Gurus and Peers   [#permalink] 13 Mar 2013, 04:36
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