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Please review and grade my essay - many thx in advance!

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Please review and grade my essay - many thx in advance! [#permalink] New post 29 Jan 2013, 02:30
Subject:

The following appeared in an Excelsior Company memorandum.

"The Excelsior Company plans to introduce its own brand of coffee. Since coffee is an expensive food item, and since there are already many established brands of coffee, the best way to gain customers for the Excelsior brand is to do what Superior, the leading coffee company, did when it introduced the newest brand in its line of coffees: conduct a temporary sales promotion that offers free samples, price reductions, and discount coupons for the new brand."

My essay:
The argument that the Excelsior company should adopt the strategy used by the Superior company in order to gain new customers for its new brand is flawed. In this essay, I will discuss the reasoning behind this argument that was presented in an Excelsior Company memorandum and show why it is logically unsound.

One assumption of the argument is that the marketing strategy used by Superior company in introducing its new bran is a representative sample of the strategies the company always used. This assumption is not valid since it is plausible that, for example, the company used different successful strategies when introducing its old brands and customers were pleased from them, but the new strategy adopted in the new brand failed. The argument would be made stronger if the author were to show details proving that the company has gained a lot of his customers because of the marketing strategy used with the new brand..

Another invalid assumption of the argument is that there is a direct casual link between the success of the new brand and the strategy Superior used to introduce its newest brand. The flaw here is that the author ignores the possibility that there might be other reasons ,such as publication of new research that emphasized the benefits from consuming coffee, that cause the company's success with the new coffee brand. One way of improving the argument is to show survey that proves that a direct link is indeed exist between the marketing strategy Superior used and the success of the brand.

The flaws detailed above suggest that the conclusion presented in an Excelsior Company memorandum may not be logically drawn. Therefore, it is evident that the line of reasoning is neither sound nor convincing.
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Re: Please review and grade my essay - many thx in advance! [#permalink] New post 01 Feb 2013, 12:42
I’d rate your essay around a 4 or 3.5. Here’s some suggestions on how it could be improved:

1. Avoid thesis statements like “in this essay I will…” and focus instead on being more specific about the logical flaws that render the argument invalid. E.g. it relies on problematic assumptions and a false analogy. There is no need to announce what you are going to do. I would have the first sentence of your intro devoted to simply summarizing the argument. The second sentence should proclaim why this argument is invalid.

2. You are burying the stronger point in your second paragraph and should bring it into your topic sentence: there is no evidence or reason to believe that the strategy the competitor used on its newest brand is an effective strategy. Just because the competitor is successful doesn't make this one strategy successful. You explain this point well but need to set it up better

3. You are ignoring a significant flaw in the argument and focusing on an assumption the argument in fact does not make. The argument makes no claim or assumption about the success of the competitor’s newest brand. However, it does assume that strategies used by a successful, well-established competitor will work for a new start-up (or a company on the verge of releasing its first brand). This argument relies on the fallacy of false analogy: even if there was evidence that the strategy the competitor used was successful for its newest brand, that doesn’t mean the strategy would be successful for the Excelsior company. Explain reasons why, how differences in companies positions (name recognition, established customer base, etc.) could produce different results.
_________________

Susan Feldman, Ph.D.
GMAT AWA & Verbal Tutor
Admission Essay Coach
Peak Performance Test Prep

Re: Please review and grade my essay - many thx in advance!   [#permalink] 01 Feb 2013, 12:42
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Please review and grade my essay - many thx in advance!

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