Please review Argument .GMAT next week : Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA)
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# Please review Argument .GMAT next week

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Intern
Joined: 30 Jul 2010
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22 Nov 2010, 21:48
Last summer saw a 500% increase in tourism at the seaside resort, and the national economic situation is even more favorable this year. This summer ’ s tourist boom will surely generate record revenues which will resolve the area ’ s economic difficulties.

Explain how logically persuasive you find the argument. In discussing your viewpoint, analyze the argument ’ s line of reasoning and its use of evidence. Also explain what, if anything, would make the argument more valid and convincing or help you to better evaluate its conclusion.

Analysis of argument:
Argument claims that this summer tourism boom is expected and that will generate record revenues. High revenues will help to resolve the current economic problems in area. Author has supplemented his claim with the data that last year there was 500% increase in tourism at seaside resort and national economic situation is good this year.Stated in this way argument fails to mention various key points, on the basis of which argument can be evaluated.Argument relies on assumptions, for which there is no clear evidence. Hence argument is rather weak, unconvincing and has several flaws.

Primarily, author readily assumes that last summer 500% increase in tourism at seaside resort is indicator of tourism boom. But what if last to last year there were only 10 tourist at resort and last year there were 60, that also means that there was 500% increase in the tourism as stated by author. This could have been accounted for just may be 10% occupancy of resort.Author has wrongly correlated percentage to actual numbers. Author could have substantiated his claim by stating the occupancy percentage of hotel.

Secondly, author claims that current national economic situation and last years percentage increase in tourism at seaside resort indicate tourism boom this year.But is it not possible that if current economic situation is good people might want to visit foreign countries for tourism as there are so many good options available such as Malaysia, Switzerland etc. These countries are vigorously promoting tourism. Author has assumed that only one contributing factor is enough to analyze the situation. Author has missed on other contributing factors such as tourism promotion, infrastructure available etc. Author could have strengthened the claim by giving more information about these factors.

Finally,author concludes that tourism boom will solve the economic difficulties of area. But do people would like to visit the places wherein there are economic problems? If these economic problems author is talking about are related to infrastructure, people may not at all visit such places for tourism. Without consideration of all contributing factors and data to support claims, One is left with an impression that claim is more of a wishful than a substantive evidence. As a result, conclusion has no legs to stand on.

In Summary, Argument is flawed therefore unconvincing.Argument could be considerably strengthened if author answered all the queries raised above and considered all the possibilities.In order to assess the certain situation, it is essential to have complete knowledge of contributing factors.
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Joined: 26 Jul 2010
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24 Nov 2010, 15:23
Hey Chetan,

Another good essay, although I'll say that your Issue essay is stronger than your Argument. This one's probably a 4-4.5. I really like:

-The clear structure you've set up to designate an intro, conclusion, and three body paragraphs

On this one, however, I think the writing is choppy enough to detract from the "readability". One thing I notice throughout this essay (and a little bit in the other, but not nearly as much ) is that you're missing articles like "a", "the", etc. to separate out nouns. For example, your first body paragraph says:

Argument claims that...

It should be:

"The argument claims that..."

a little thing, but since you do that throughout I think they'd have to dock you for it as it doesn't show "superior command" of the language and it contains enough grammatical mistakes to detract a bit from the overall quality of your ideas.

Honestly, other than the choppy nature of the writing - and please don't take that as a criticism but more as a comment...I couldn't write nearly as well in any other language than English! - your ideas and structure are great. This is a strong essay, and I hope that you can polish the grammar enough to really make it shine to the reader.
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Brian

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Manager
Status: AWA 5.5
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Schools: LSE
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18 Dec 2010, 05:37
Feel free to mail me your AWA practice essays at anuj_kundarap@hotmail.c o m

I will rate them and provide comments about what you need to improve. Preferably send me .doc files only.

If you find this helpful, do give kudos freely!
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21 Dec 2010, 07:09
Few other points-

- 500% increase in Tourism is in a particular resort and not whole area/town as such.
- Record Revenues contributing to overall health of local economy (relation not substantiated, since the area's health might be more dependent on other factors like state of local manufacturing, Shipping industry etc)
Re: Please review Argument .GMAT next week   [#permalink] 21 Dec 2010, 07:09
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