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# Please Review my AWA.GMAT in 7 days.Thanx for the time.

Author Message
Intern
Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Posts: 17
Followers: 1

Kudos [?]: 25 [0], given: 7

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20 Jul 2013, 23:18
The following appeared in an announcement issued by the publisher of The Mercury, a weekly newspaper:
“Since a competing lower-priced newspaper, The Bugle, was started five years ago, The Mercury’s circulation has
declined by 10,000 readers. The best way to get more people to read The Mercury is to reduce its price below that of
The Bugle, at least until circulation increases to former levels. The increased circulation of The Mercury will attract
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

The argument claims that reducing the price of mercury newspaper will increase its circulation and in turn will attract more advertising.Stated in this way the argument is based on questionable assumptions for which no clear evidence has been given.The argument is thus flawed and rather unconvincing.
Firstly,The argument is comparing mercury which is a weekly newspaper to bugle.But we have been given no information on whether bugle is a daily,weekly or a monthly newspaper.Also we have been given no information on the focus areas of these two newspapers.It is very likely that bugle and mercury focusses on completely different issues and as such are not even competing in true sense. for example mercury can be a newspaper focussing on sports and bugle might be a newspaper focussing on politics.So the true reason for mercury's decline might be a decline in interest in sports among people .so without knowing what are the focus areas of the two newspapers the argument has no legs to stand on.
Secondly, The argument attributes the decline in its circulation to lower price of bugle.But decline in circulation might have happened due to decline in population because of a natural catastrope. clearly if the circulation has declined due to non economic reasons mercury will not be able to increase its circulation by reducing price.Hence we need more evidence for the reasons behind decline in circulation of mercury.
Finally, The argument assumes that the increased circulation of mercury newspaper will attract more advertising space.This assumption might be true but has not been substantiated by any evidence or surveys.It might be possible that the business conditions are not favorable and the businesses are instead planning to cut on advertising costs.In such a situation even increased circulation will not attract increase advertising.the argument could have been strengthened if we were given a survey of intent among business owners to increase their advertising budget in newspapers.without more evidence the argument is weak.
To sum up , for the above mentioned reasons the argument lacks evidence and is therefore unsubstantiated. In order to access the true merit of a situation it is important to have all the underlying facts about it.
Intern
Joined: 16 Jul 2013
Posts: 28
Followers: 0

Kudos [?]: -19 [0], given: 0

Re: Please Review my AWA.GMAT in 7 days.Thanx for the time. [#permalink]

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22 Jul 2013, 12:16
sudi03 wrote:
The following appeared in an announcement issued by the publisher of The Mercury, a weekly newspaper:
“Since a competing lower-priced newspaper, The Bugle, was started five years ago, The Mercury’s circulation has
declined by 10,000 readers. The best way to get more people to read The Mercury is to reduce its price below that of
The Bugle, at least until circulation increases to former levels. The increased circulation of The Mercury will attract
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

The argument claims that reducing the price of mercury newspaper will increase its circulation and in turn will attract more advertising.Stated in this way the argument is based on questionable assumptions for which no clear evidence has been given.The argument is thus flawed and rather unconvincing.love the intro, you get straight to the point. Graders love short & concise
Firstly,The argument is comparing mercury which is a weekly newspaper to bugle.But we have been given no information on whether bugle is a daily,weekly or a monthly newspaper.Also we have been given no information on the focus areas of these two newspapers.It is very likely that bugle and mercury focusses on completely different issues and as such are not even competing in true sense. for example mercury can be a newspaper focussing on sports and bugle might be a newspaper focussing on politics.So the true reason for mercury's decline might be a decline in interest in sports among people .so without knowing what are the focus areas of the two newspapers the argument has no legs to stand on.
Secondly, The argument attributes the decline in its circulation to lower price of bugle.But decline in circulation might have happened due to decline in population because of a natural catastrope. clearly if the circulation has declined due to non economic reasons mercury will not be able to increase its circulation by reducing price.Hence we need more evidence for the reasons behind decline in circulation of mercury.nice job. Another reason for the drop in circulation might be because that mercury's readers found another outlet for their news, i.e. television, the web, etc
Finally, The argument assumes that the increased circulation of mercury newspaper will attract more advertising space.This assumption might be true but has not been substantiated by any evidence or surveys.It might be possible that the business conditions are not favorable and the businesses are instead planning to cut on advertising costs.In such a situation even increased circulation will not attract increase advertising.the argument could have been strengthened if we were given a survey of intent among business owners to increase their advertising budget in newspapers.without more evidence the argument is weak.
To sum up , for the above mentioned reasons the argument lacks evidence and is therefore unsubstantiated. In order to access the true merit of a situation it is important to have all the underlying facts about it. nice conclusion. bonus points for the last sentence

Great job! You have great examples & strong points to counter the argument.
Princeton Review Representative
Joined: 17 Jun 2013
Posts: 163
Followers: 137

Kudos [?]: 275 [0], given: 0

Re: Please Review my AWA.GMAT in 7 days.Thanx for the time. [#permalink]

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25 Jul 2013, 15:26
Expert's post
This essay is strong with good organization and well developed ideas. it would probably receive a score of 5 or higher. In order to ensure a high score, you may want to use a less informal tone and refrain from using repetitive sentence starters such as "So"
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Intern
Status: Yes. It was I who let the dogs out.
Joined: 03 Dec 2012
Posts: 42
H: B
GMAT Date: 08-31-2013
Followers: 1

Kudos [?]: 31 [0], given: 27

Re: Please Review my AWA.GMAT in 7 days.Thanx for the time. [#permalink]

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28 Jul 2013, 16:49
mnazari wrote:
sudi03 wrote:
The following appeared in an announcement issued by the publisher of The Mercury, a weekly newspaper:
“Since a competing lower-priced newspaper, The Bugle, was started five years ago, The Mercury’s circulation has
declined by 10,000 readers. The best way to get more people to read The Mercury is to reduce its price below that of
The Bugle, at least until circulation increases to former levels. The increased circulation of The Mercury will attract
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

The argument claims that reducing the price of mercury newspaper will increase its circulation and in turn will attract more advertising.Stated in this way the argument is based on questionable assumptions for which no clear evidence has been given.The argument is thus flawed and rather unconvincing.love the intro, you get straight to the point. Graders love short & concise
Firstly,The argument is comparing mercury which is a weekly newspaper to bugle.But we have been given no information on whether bugle is a daily,weekly or a monthly newspaper.Also we have been given no information on the focus areas of these two newspapers.It is very likely that bugle and mercury focusses on completely different issues and as such are not even competing in true sense. for example mercury can be a newspaper focussing on sports and bugle might be a newspaper focussing on politics.So the true reason for mercury's decline might be a decline in interest in sports among people .so without knowing what are the focus areas of the two newspapers the argument has no legs to stand on.
Secondly, The argument attributes the decline in its circulation to lower price of bugle.But decline in circulation might have happened due to decline in population because of a natural catastrope. clearly if the circulation has declined due to non economic reasons mercury will not be able to increase its circulation by reducing price.Hence we need more evidence for the reasons behind decline in circulation of mercury.nice job. Another reason for the drop in circulation might be because that mercury's readers found another outlet for their news, i.e. television, the web, etc
Finally, The argument assumes that the increased circulation of mercury newspaper will attract more advertising space.This assumption might be true but has not been substantiated by any evidence or surveys.It might be possible that the business conditions are not favorable and the businesses are instead planning to cut on advertising costs.In such a situation even increased circulation will not attract increase advertising.the argument could have been strengthened if we were given a survey of intent among business owners to increase their advertising budget in newspapers.without more evidence the argument is weak.
To sum up , for the above mentioned reasons the argument lacks evidence and is therefore unsubstantiated. In order to access the true merit of a situation it is important to have all the underlying facts about it. nice conclusion. bonus points for the last sentence

Great job! You have great examples & strong points to counter the argument.

The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Elements_of_Style
William Strunk, Jr. (1 July 1869 – 26 September 1946), was a professor of English at Cornell University and author of the The Elements of Style (1918), which, after being revised and enlarged by his former student E. B. White, became a highly influential guide to English usage during the late 20th century.

http://www.amazon.com/Elements-Style-Fourth-William-Strunk/dp/020530902X/ref=sr_1_1/186-8560226-2308145?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1375054689&sr=1-1
The Elements of Style, Fourth Edition [Paperback]
William Strunk Jr. (Author), E. B. White (Author), Roger Angell (Foreword)

You can read the book online at http://www.bartleby.com/141/
The University of Amsterdam has the made the earlier edition of the book available in pdf at http://www.cs.vu.nl/~jms/doc/elos.pdf.
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Yogi Bhajan: If you want to learn a thing, read that; if you want to know a thing, write that; if you want to master a thing, teach that.
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Re: Please Review my AWA.GMAT in 7 days.Thanx for the time.   [#permalink] 28 Jul 2013, 16:49
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