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Please review my essay

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Intern
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Joined: 25 Aug 2010
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Schools: Harvard (admit), Wharton (admit), INSEAD (admit), Kellogg (admit), Booth (wl)
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Please review my essay [#permalink] New post 18 Oct 2010, 13:20
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Last edited by Alexnag123 on 27 Dec 2010, 11:37, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Please review my essay [#permalink] New post 19 Oct 2010, 22:04
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Your essay looks quite well. I think that is well written and structured, and you gave examples. With something like this you will score 20 to 30.

However, I suggest you to let you at least 5 minutes to verify the grammar and look for typos. You can lose points if there are too many, and I see some.

Here a quick correction. By the way, I'm not native so don't think my correction is perfect ;).

I hope it helps.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Some people think that parents are the best teachers. Others people think that all education of children has to be done at school. The issue is a controversial one, but in my opinion a closer look reveals that parents are the best teachers. In this essay I will support my claim by providing some examples.

First, during the first years of life, the children develop some important characteristics such as ethical values, respect, compassion and so on. Because these values are not addressed at school, it is very important that the parents provide to their children this kind of education, helping to build the children’s character. To illustrate this point, I will mention the case of Carlos, the son of a friend of mine. Carlos started going to the school when he was only 2 years old, because both of his parents were working. After just a few weeks at school , Carlos started saying several bad words, hitting younger children, and other bad things. After a little investigation, my friend discovered that his son learned all these bad habits at school, with other children. As a result, my friend decided to maintain the children at his grandmother’s house until he got older.

Second, parents stay with their children during several years, untilthe children become adults , thus the parents are more capable to identify the weaker points that needs to be addressed , help to develop important characteristics, and give specific knowledge when is needed. For instance, I have a brother that during adolescence was facing some relation problems with his friends. My parents were able to talk with him about some of their own experiences and that information was essential for him to deal with the problems he was facing.

On the other hand, some people argue that only real teachers are able to provide education in fields such as math, history and other subjects. However, these people fail to identify that this knowledge is less important than that related to personal values. Consequently, although parents may be unable to provide education in such matters, they are able to provide education that prepares the children to attend school , to be able to learn, and to be a good human being.

In conclusion, while there are arguments to be made for both sides, it is clear that there are greater advantages for the knowledge provided by the parents than by the knowledge learned at school . Certainly, a good education from the parents is the most important factor in the academic life of anyone.

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Joined: 25 Aug 2010
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Schools: Harvard (admit), Wharton (admit), INSEAD (admit), Kellogg (admit), Booth (wl)
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Re: Please review my essay [#permalink] New post 20 Oct 2010, 08:24
Thanks, +1kudos!
You are right, I have to save some time to review the text, there were a lot of gramatical mistakes...
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Re: Please review my essay [#permalink] New post 01 Dec 2010, 00:45
one more addition... in your first line it should be other people and not others people like you have wrote.
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Re: Please review my essay   [#permalink] 01 Dec 2010, 00:45
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