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please review my essay.

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Intern
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please review my essay. [#permalink] New post 30 Jan 2013, 17:45
Topic: Many people have a close relationship with their pets. These people treat their birds, cats, or other animals as members of their family. In your opinion, are such relationships good? Why or
why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

Have you ever seen people call their dogs boys and girls and treat them like the members of the families? This reflects the close relationship between many people and their pets. Although such a strong relationship can be seen everywhere,different people have different views due to their distinctive perspective and experiences. On one hand, some people argue that people should keep the distance from their pets, citing a variety of reasons such as waster of valuable resources and the health concerns. On the other hand, other people argue that pets play the very important roles in people's lives and deserve the love and good treatment from people. In my opinion, I think that the strong relationship between humans and pets can bring more benefits than harms to people's lives.

To begin with, pets as the patient and loyal companion can keep people from feeling lonely and isolated .That is especially true for those so called "empty nest" elderly people whose children have to leave them for varied reason.How to fill the emptiness of their lives became a big headache for them and their children. In most cases the best solution to this problem is finding a pet for those elderly people. They need to take good care of the pets so they feel like being needed and valued again. The pets can also make them laugh by doing silly things. Even for the working adults the companionship of their pets can be a big relief. For example, you must feel happy and delighted to see your dog when it greets you with genuine affection upon your return to home from one day's busy work.

In the second place, sometimes pets can provide physical help to their masters. One day I saw a big dog lead its blind master to navigate in the busy airport. What impressed me the most is that the big dog sit in front of its master quietly in the cabinet during the whole 2-hour flight and caused no disturbance to other passagers. We also heard a lot of stories about the pet dog fighting off the thieves despite the danger and food offered to them.

In the third place, pets can be a good teacher in bringing up the children. Children from the family that keep pats are more likely to be loving and responsible. By playing with the pats they often develop the respects for animals and nature and have sympathy for the week and vulnerable. When given the responsibility of caring for the pets those children can be more detail-oriented and persistant in dealing with specific tasks.

Admittedly, keeping the pets will costs a lot of money that can be put to other purposes. However,given the benefits mentioned, I thought that money spent on pets is quite worthy. With regars to the health concerns that the pet may spread diseases and viruses, the family can use better sanitation to address such issues. In conclusion, I strongly support the strong relationship between people and their pets.

Thanks a lot.
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Re: please review my essay. [#permalink] New post 22 Feb 2013, 11:37
Starting backwards:

Your conclusion should answer the essay question and should not introduce new ideas or facts. It's better to start it with all n all, all things considered, to sum it up.

Your every paragraph should start with stating your point and follow with the supporting facts, examples, quotes and numbers. The correctness of your facts is not important in the same way as how you introduce them.

Your essay is not too bad but you have to pay more attention to the structure.
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Re: please review my essay.   [#permalink] 22 Feb 2013, 11:37
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