This essay hits all the major points and is organized well so for that it would receive higher marks, however the logic is not as fully explained as it could be. Adding one or two sentences to each paragraph would greatly improve this essay and establish a better flow. Also, the sentence "The arguments makes several assumptions, lack of evidence to which renders the argument flawed." has many grammatical flaws and since it is the thesis statement of your essay hurts the overall impression.
If you simply changed it to: "The argument makes several assumptions with no evidence to back them up. This lack of logical evidence renders the argument flawed" it would go a long way towards fixing your holistic score.
as written I would probably grade this essay a 4
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