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Please review my TOEFL independent Writing essay, thanks !!!

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Please review my TOEFL independent Writing essay, thanks !!! [#permalink] New post 17 Aug 2013, 00:21
Question:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (aged five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, language, science and history.

Writing:

There has been fierce controversy over whether art and music courses should be introduced to young children in school, and I have always been an ardent defender of the introduction of such courses.

Art and music are beautiful results derived from the perfect combination of human wisdom and sentimentality. Artists and musicians contemplate on life and human civilization, and fill their works with their answers, as opposed to mere sentimentality. Art and music works are also embodiment of human emotions, besides pure contemplation, with love and passion underlying the music tunes or the painting canvases. It is important for children, as young as five years old, when they are about to try their first glimpse of this world’s reason and passion, to be introduced to the realm of art and music, and to get to know those masters in human history through their works.

Art and music are by no means less important than math, language, science and history. Art and music are just as much of a universal language as math and science are. While language bridges the gap between people in the same culture, art and music bridge the gap for people around the world. People from different countries speaking different languages can understand the same forms of art. They understand music, whether it is classic music, blues, jazz or light music. They understand Picasso, Van Gogh, Da Vinci and Michelangelo. Music and art have no restrictions of nationality and ethnicity, thus a knowledge in them can help the younger generation to communicate better with friends from all over the world. Art and music help unite people.

Learning art and music is also learning history. Art and music record historical customs and events. The Mona Lisa’s Smile by Leonardo Da Vinci, probably the world’s most renowned painting, provides good research information for the Renaissance. The Starry Night by Vincent van Gogh is an ideal representative of post-impressionism. The list goes on. If history courses are accepted in school curriculum, then why not art and music courses?

The necessity and significance of having art and music courses introduced for young children seem only too obvious to ignore. And we definitely should go for it.



Thank you very much!!!!!!
Please review my TOEFL independent Writing essay, thanks !!!   [#permalink] 17 Aug 2013, 00:21
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Please review my TOEFL independent Writing essay, thanks !!!

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