This essay would receive a 2.5 or 3 if I were grading it.
The first glaring error is that it is incomplete. your argument needs to have a conclusion. The second problem is with grammatical and idiomatic errors for instance in your sentence:
might be low paying jobs due to which the labor are not interested to apply for them
The due to which is an improper idiom as well as the interested to apply and the word labor does not appropriately refer to the people - this makes for a confusing point.
Having a template with room for two or three errors may help you to organize your thinking.
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