Find all School-related info fast with the new School-Specific MBA Forum

It is currently 16 Sep 2014, 07:53

Close

GMAT Club Daily Prep

Thank you for using the timer - this advanced tool can estimate your performance and suggest more practice questions. We have subscribed you to Daily Prep Questions via email.

Customized
for You

we will pick new questions that match your level based on your Timer History

Track
Your Progress

every week, we’ll send you an estimated GMAT score based on your performance

Practice
Pays

we will pick new questions that match your level based on your Timer History

Not interested in getting valuable practice questions and articles delivered to your email? No problem, unsubscribe here.

Events & Promotions

Events & Promotions in June
Open Detailed Calendar

Pls rate my GMAT essay(Kaplan)

  Question banks Downloads My Bookmarks Reviews Important topics  
Author Message
Intern
Intern
avatar
Joined: 20 Sep 2012
Posts: 24
Followers: 0

Kudos [?]: 5 [0], given: 7

Pls rate my GMAT essay(Kaplan) [#permalink] New post 17 Sep 2013, 03:38
Hi,

Any suggestions to improve my AWA skills would be most welcome.. Thanks in advance..

Karthik

Argument

The following appeared as part of an editorial in a campus newspaper:

“With an increasing demand for highly skilled workers, this nation will soon face a serious labor shortage. New positions in technical and professional occupations are increasing rapidly, while at the same time the total labor force is growing slowly. Moreover, the government is proposing to cut funds for aid to education in the near future.”

Response:

The editor of the newspaper has reached to the conclusion that in the near future, the nation will face a serious labor shortage due to the slowly growing labor force in comparison with the rapidly increasing positions and the government proposal to cut funds for aid to education. However, this conclusion relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence.

The editor fails to consider the fact that the new positions might be low paying jobs due to which the labor are not interested to apply for them. They might be paid more handsomely in their current jobs. The editor also fails to provide more insight on the nature of the nation's economy. The nation might be an agrarian economy where people are more interested in agricultural related courses and working in farms because of the high returns they get from the yield which would have been much more than the pay they would have got in technical or professional occupations. The editor would be strengthening his arguments if he provides evidence or facts on the nature of the economy and pay related details of the new positions.

Secondly, the editor has not provided facts on the current state of the nation. The nation might have been reeling under recession until recently and unemployment might have been at an all time high. So the new positions will only bolster the economy and provide employment. The editor also fails to consider the fact that the sudden surge in positions might after all be a temporary phenomenon. If the editor provides proof that this kind of situation has not occured in the past and the increasing demand for highly skilled workers has been continuing in the same way since quite some time, the argument will be strengthened considerably.
Expert Post
Princeton Review Representative
User avatar
Joined: 17 Jun 2013
Posts: 163
Followers: 112

Kudos [?]: 164 [0], given: 0

Re: Pls rate my GMAT essay(Kaplan) [#permalink] New post 19 Sep 2013, 09:29
Expert's post
This essay would receive a 2.5 or 3 if I were grading it.

The first glaring error is that it is incomplete. your argument needs to have a conclusion. The second problem is with grammatical and idiomatic errors for instance in your sentence:

might be low paying jobs due to which the labor are not interested to apply for them

The due to which is an improper idiom as well as the interested to apply and the word labor does not appropriately refer to the people - this makes for a confusing point.

Having a template with room for two or three errors may help you to organize your thinking.
_________________

Special offer! Save $250 on GMAT Ultimate Classroom, GMAT Small Group Instruction, or GMAT Liveonline when you use the promo code GCVERBAL250. Or, save $150 on GMAT Self-Prep when you use the code GCVERBAL150. Enroll at www.princetonreview.com

Intern
Intern
avatar
Joined: 20 Sep 2012
Posts: 24
Followers: 0

Kudos [?]: 5 [0], given: 7

Re: Pls rate my GMAT essay(Kaplan) [#permalink] New post 20 Sep 2013, 07:29
Thanks Becky. Will improve on it. Can you give me the correct form of this idiom 'due to which the labor are not interested to apply for them' ?
Re: Pls rate my GMAT essay(Kaplan)   [#permalink] 20 Sep 2013, 07:29
    Similar topics Author Replies Last post
Similar
Topics:
1 Experts publish their posts in the topic Pls rate my AWA, thanks... JeremyW. 2 18 Sep 2013, 04:48
1 Pls advice my gmat strategy dywane 14 16 Apr 2012, 02:57
Pls help my gmat strategy tuyingjie2012 1 12 Dec 2011, 06:08
Pls rate my argument: Corporate Memorandum gmatbull 2 26 Jun 2011, 18:15
Pls rate my golden issue essay!!! tracyyahoo 0 17 Jun 2011, 06:17
Display posts from previous: Sort by

Pls rate my GMAT essay(Kaplan)

  Question banks Downloads My Bookmarks Reviews Important topics  


GMAT Club MBA Forum Home| About| Privacy Policy| Terms and Conditions| GMAT Club Rules| Contact| Sitemap

Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group and phpBB SEO

Kindly note that the GMAT® test is a registered trademark of the Graduate Management Admission Council®, and this site has neither been reviewed nor endorsed by GMAC®.