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# Plz rate this !!!!

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Author Message
Current Student
Joined: 03 Aug 2012
Posts: 915
Concentration: General Management, General Management
GMAT 1: 630 Q47 V29
GMAT 2: 680 Q50 V32
GPA: 3.7
WE: Information Technology (Investment Banking)
Followers: 21

Kudos [?]: 600 [0], given: 322

Plz rate this !!!! [#permalink]

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01 Jan 2013, 08:57
Group #1: Analysis of Argument
The following was used as part of an internet advertising company's appeal to businesses: Furniture Depot employed our internet advertising company to help. Since then its sales increased by 10% over last year's totals. Furniture Depot's success demonstrates how using our internet services can increase your profitability.

Describe how well reasoned you find this argument. In the discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the argument's conclusion. You may also address possible changes in the argument that would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

The argument claims that sales of "Furniture Depot" increased by 10% over
last year's totals by taking services of internet advertising company.Stated in
this way the argument fails to mention the internal factors,on the basis of which
the argument could be evaluated.The conclusion relies on the assumptions,for
which no clear evidences are mentioned.Therefore,the argument is rather
weak,unconvincing, and has several flaws.

First,the argument attribute increase in sales of the "Furniture depot" only to the
advertising.This statement is a stretch and not substantiated one.There might
be some other factors due to which the sales of the company increased such
as a new product launch for which the demand was more in the
market,withdrawal of some competitors from the market,general increase in
demand with the increase in incomes of the consumers.Thus argument fails
to consider other factors that might have influenced the increase in
sales.Therefore, author fails to give examples to prove that the only factor in the
increase in sales is internet advertising.

Second,author draws a parallel between increase in sales and
profitability.This premise acts as baseless because a situation might arise
where in company increased its sales with the corresponding increase in
costs.Hence a company might have a loss with the increase in sales,which
increased due to internet advertising.Furthermore,in making profitability
parallel to increase in sales author fails to consider the profitability of company
in last year.

Finally,the argument concludes that by using internet services the company
increased its profitability.This is an exaggeration as there is no information
about the revenue and costs incurred by the company.Therefore,author fails to
provide enough evidences and examples which could be useful to prove that
company increased its profitability by internet advertising only.Even though the
profitability has increased , the argument fails to provide that other factors as
stated above didn't affect the sales or profit of the company.Clearly, the
conclusion has no legs to stand upon.

Implicitly,the argument has many flaws as many internal factors are not being
considered while drawing the conclusion.Author could have made more sound
argument if he gave some examples to prove that internet adverting caused
profitability.The argument cab be strengthened if at all author provide suitable
examples of this causal relationship.

Rgds,
Saurabh
_________________

Rgds,
TGC!
_____________________________________________________________________
I Assisted You => KUDOS Please
_____________________________________________________________________________

Senior Manager
Affiliations: Volunteer Operation Smile India, Creative Head of College IEEE branch (2009-10), Chief Editor College Magazine (2009), Finance Head College Magazine (2008)
Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Posts: 471
Location: India
WE2: Entrepreneur (E-commerce - The Laptop Skin Vault)
Concentration: Marketing, Entrepreneurship
GMAT 1: 710 Q49 V38
WE: Marketing (Other)
Followers: 13

Kudos [?]: 129 [0], given: 24

Re: Plz rate this !!!! [#permalink]

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16 Jan 2013, 00:22
targetgmatchotu wrote:
Group #1: Analysis of Argument
The following was used as part of an internet advertising company's appeal to businesses: Furniture Depot employed our internet advertising company to help. Since then its sales increased by 10% over last year's totals. Furniture Depot's success demonstrates how using our internet services can increase your profitability.

Describe how well reasoned you find this argument. In the discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the argument's conclusion. You may also address possible changes in the argument that would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

The argument claims that sales of "Furniture Depot" increased by 10% over
last year's totals by taking services of internet advertising company.Stated in
this way the argument fails to mention the internal factors,on the basis of which
the argument could be evaluated.The conclusion relies on the assumptions,for
which no clear evidences are mentioned.Therefore,the argument is rather
weak,unconvincing, and has several flaws.

First,the argument attribute increase in sales of the "Furniture depot" only to the
advertising.This statement is a stretch and not substantiated one.There might
be some other factors due to which the sales of the company increased such
as a new product launch for which the demand was more in the
market,withdrawal of some competitors from the market,general increase in
demand with the increase in incomes of the consumers.Thus argument fails
to consider other factors that might have influenced the increase in
sales.Therefore, author fails to give examples to prove that the only factor in the
increase in sales is internet advertising.

Second,author draws a parallel between increase in sales and
profitability.This premise acts as baseless because a situation might arise
where in company increased its sales with the corresponding increase in
costs.Hence a company might have a loss with the increase in sales,which
increased due to internet advertising.Furthermore,in making profitability
parallel to increase in sales author fails to consider the profitability of company
in last year.

Finally,the argument concludes that by using internet services the company
increased its profitability.This is an exaggeration as there is no information
about the revenue and costs incurred by the company.Therefore,author fails to
provide enough evidences and examples which could be useful to prove that
company increased its profitability by internet advertising only.Even though the
profitability has increased , the argument fails to provide that other factors as
stated above didn't affect the sales or profit of the company.Clearly, the
conclusion has no legs to stand upon.

Implicitly,the argument has many flaws as many internal factors are not being
considered while drawing the conclusion.Author could have made more sound
argument if he gave some examples to prove that internet adverting caused
profitability.The argument cab be strengthened if at all author provide suitable
examples of this causal relationship.

Rgds,
Saurabh

Hey Saurabh,

Just had a chance to go through your AWA. The it seems ok but I would like to point out some places for slight improvement. One is the grammar. There are a few grammatical errors in the essay. (If you would like me to point those out specifically pm me and I'll be happy to send you a word file with the grammatical corrections.

Another thing I noticed is that your second and third reasoning points are pretty much the same, in the sense that while the two points are different you have used the exact same reasoning and therefore are pretty much repeating yourself. Instead of bringing in the bit about the advertising revenue in the second you can say that as stated above it is not known whether Furniture depot was running any other promotions during the same period of time and they may have even offered the products at discounts which may have increased sales but not necessarily profitability.

For the third point you can state that:
Another reason the advertising company cannot comment on the profitability of Furniture Depot is because of the return on investment they spent on advertising. We have no information of the amount of money Furniture Depot spent on advertising and how much or how positively the advertising impacted the sales of the Furniture Depot to definitively state that their profitability increased due to the advertising.

In conclusion

Thus, since we don't have any substantial information on what other marketing/promotional activities FD undertook in the period since they started using the internet advertising it is impossible to attribute the increased profitability to the internet advertising.

I would suggest that you avoid words like implicitly since they may be too strong and are fairly easy to use in the wrong context. Instead take a look at this thread by chineseburned to get an idea on how to structure your AWA http://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6-0-awa-my-guide-64327.html

I hope this helps. All the best with your prep.
_________________

Kidchaos

http://www.laptopskinvault.com

Follow The Laptop Skin Vault on:
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Manager
Joined: 12 Jan 2013
Posts: 58
Location: United States (NY)
GMAT 1: 780 Q51 V47
GPA: 3.89
Followers: 16

Kudos [?]: 64 [1] , given: 13

Re: Plz rate this !!!! [#permalink]

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19 Jan 2013, 23:44
1
This post received
KUDOS
Hi, targetgmatchotu.

Frankly, this essay is not good at all. I don't want you to take it personally, but it is probably the worst essay I have seen on this forum so far. My grade is about 3.0 or 2.5. (I don't have time right now for a complete analysis, but I can answer any specific questions that you may have.) I guess that you are not a native English speaker (though, neither am I). The problem is, I do not even see that you understand the problem statement. For example, you are writing "Even though the profitability has increased..." However, the profitability of Furniture Depot did not increase. Only its sales have increased.

Make sure that you understand the problem statement and then understand very clearly what it is that you are trying to say. At this point I would strongly argue against using any templates. It looks like you are simply inserting meaningless sentences like "The conclusion relies on the assumptions,for
which no clear evidences are mentioned.Therefore,the argument is rather weak,unconvincing, and has several flaws." without any understanding.

Good luck, and let me know if you have any specific questions.
Please, read my comments line by line.

Quote:
The argument claims that sales of "Furniture Depot" increased by 10% over last year's totals by taking services of internet advertising company.

No, wrong! The argument claims that advertising with this internet company can increase your profitability. In fact, the argument assumes that the sales of "Furniture Depot" have increased by 10% over last year's totals. The argument suggests that this has happened largely due to the services of the advertising company.

Quote:
Stated in this way the argument fails to mention the internal factors,on the basis of which the argument could be evaluated.

What are "internal factors"?

Quote:
The conclusion relies on the assumptions,for which no clear evidences are mentioned.

"On assumptions". You don't need the article "the".

Quote:
Therefore,the argument is rather weak,unconvincing, and has several flaws.

Bad style. "Weak", "unconvincing", "and has several flaws" are not parallel. Besides just because an argument relies on questionable assumptions does not mean that it is unconvincing

Quote:
First,the argument attribute increase in sales of the "Furniture depot" only to the advertising.

Well, implicitly.

Quote:
This statement is a stretch and not substantiated one. There might be some other factors due to which the sales of the company increased such
as a new product launch for which the demand was more in the market,withdrawal of some competitors from the market,general increase in
demand with the increase in incomes of the consumers.

"and not substantiated one" --> "and not a substantiated one"
"There might be" --- wrong tense
"demand was more" --- word choice/idiom

Quote:
Thus argument fails to consider other factors that might have influenced the increase in sales.

"might have influenced" is too weak after calling the argument "weak", "unconvincing", and an "unsubstantiated stretch"

Quote:
Therefore, author fails to give examples to prove that the only factor in the increase in sales is internet advertising.

He doesn't have to prove it. Also, how can examples prove it anyway?

Quote:
Second,author draws a parallel between increase in sales and profitability.

In a sense, although the word "parallel" is a bit confusing.

Quote:
This premise acts as baseless because a situation might arise where in company increased its sales with the corresponding increase in costs.

What?! Which premise? Why is it baseless?
"where in company" --> "where a company"
Also it is unclear, what increase in costs would be "corresponding" to an increase in sales? Sales are usually done for profit, not for costs
Also, "might arise" is too weak after saying "this premise acts as baseless".

Quote:
Hence a company might have a loss with the increase in sales,which increased due to internet advertising.

It is possible.
"increase in sales,which increased" is repetitive.

Quote:
Furthermore,in making profitability parallel to increase in sales author fails to consider the profitability of company in last year.

What does it mean?

Quote:
Finally,the argument concludes that by using internet services the company increased its profitability.

Wrong! It never says that!

Quote:
This is an exaggeration as there is no information about the revenue and costs incurred by the company.

The never claimed that this particular company has increased its profitability. Also, "exaggeration" is not a suitable word in this context.

Quote:
Therefore,author fails to provide enough evidences and examples which could be useful to prove that company increased its profitability by internet advertising only.

Wordy and confusing. Examples of what?

Quote:
Even though the profitability has increased...

No!

Quote:
Implicitly,the argument has many flaws as many internal factors are not being considered while drawing the conclusion.

Why "implicitly"?

Quote:
The argument cab be strengthened if at all author provide suitable examples of this causal relationship.

"if at all author prodive" is not good English.
_________________

Sergey Orshanskiy, Ph.D.
I tutor in NYC: http://www.wyzant.com/Tutors/NY/New-York/7948121/#ref=1RKFOZ

Current Student
Joined: 03 Aug 2012
Posts: 915
Concentration: General Management, General Management
GMAT 1: 630 Q47 V29
GMAT 2: 680 Q50 V32
GPA: 3.7
WE: Information Technology (Investment Banking)
Followers: 21

Kudos [?]: 600 [0], given: 322

Re: Plz rate this !!!! [#permalink]

### Show Tags

23 Mar 2013, 22:28
SergeyOrshanskiy wrote:
Hi, targetgmatchotu.

Frankly, this essay is not good at all. I don't want you to take it personally, but it is probably the worst essay I have seen on this forum so far. My grade is about 3.0 or 2.5. (I don't have time right now for a complete analysis, but I can answer any specific questions that you may have.) I guess that you are not a native English speaker (though, neither am I). The problem is, I do not even see that you understand the problem statement. For example, you are writing "Even though the profitability has increased..." However, the profitability of Furniture Depot did not increase. Only its sales have increased.

Make sure that you understand the problem statement and then understand very clearly what it is that you are trying to say. At this point I would strongly argue against using any templates. It looks like you are simply inserting meaningless sentences like "The conclusion relies on the assumptions,for
which no clear evidences are mentioned.Therefore,the argument is rather weak,unconvincing, and has several flaws." without any understanding.

Good luck, and let me know if you have any specific questions.
Please, read my comments line by line.

Quote:
The argument claims that sales of "Furniture Depot" increased by 10% over last year's totals by taking services of internet advertising company.

No, wrong! The argument claims that advertising with this internet company can increase your profitability. In fact, the argument assumes that the sales of "Furniture Depot" have increased by 10% over last year's totals. The argument suggests that this has happened largely due to the services of the advertising company.

Quote:
Stated in this way the argument fails to mention the internal factors,on the basis of which the argument could be evaluated.

What are "internal factors"?

Quote:
The conclusion relies on the assumptions,for which no clear evidences are mentioned.

"On assumptions". You don't need the article "the".

Quote:
Therefore,the argument is rather weak,unconvincing, and has several flaws.

Bad style. "Weak", "unconvincing", "and has several flaws" are not parallel. Besides just because an argument relies on questionable assumptions does not mean that it is unconvincing

Quote:
First,the argument attribute increase in sales of the "Furniture depot" only to the advertising.

Well, implicitly.

Quote:
This statement is a stretch and not substantiated one. There might be some other factors due to which the sales of the company increased such
as a new product launch for which the demand was more in the market,withdrawal of some competitors from the market,general increase in
demand with the increase in incomes of the consumers.

"and not substantiated one" --> "and not a substantiated one"
"There might be" --- wrong tense
"demand was more" --- word choice/idiom

Quote:
Thus argument fails to consider other factors that might have influenced the increase in sales.

"might have influenced" is too weak after calling the argument "weak", "unconvincing", and an "unsubstantiated stretch"

Quote:
Therefore, author fails to give examples to prove that the only factor in the increase in sales is internet advertising.

He doesn't have to prove it. Also, how can examples prove it anyway?

Quote:
Second,author draws a parallel between increase in sales and profitability.

In a sense, although the word "parallel" is a bit confusing.

Quote:
This premise acts as baseless because a situation might arise where in company increased its sales with the corresponding increase in costs.

What?! Which premise? Why is it baseless?
"where in company" --> "where a company"
Also it is unclear, what increase in costs would be "corresponding" to an increase in sales? Sales are usually done for profit, not for costs
Also, "might arise" is too weak after saying "this premise acts as baseless".

Quote:
Hence a company might have a loss with the increase in sales,which increased due to internet advertising.

It is possible.
"increase in sales,which increased" is repetitive.

Quote:
Furthermore,in making profitability parallel to increase in sales author fails to consider the profitability of company in last year.

What does it mean?

Quote:
Finally,the argument concludes that by using internet services the company increased its profitability.

Wrong! It never says that!

Quote:
This is an exaggeration as there is no information about the revenue and costs incurred by the company.

The never claimed that this particular company has increased its profitability. Also, "exaggeration" is not a suitable word in this context.

Quote:
Therefore,author fails to provide enough evidences and examples which could be useful to prove that company increased its profitability by internet advertising only.

Wordy and confusing. Examples of what?

Quote:
Even though the profitability has increased...

No!

Quote:
Implicitly,the argument has many flaws as many internal factors are not being considered while drawing the conclusion.

Why "implicitly"?

Quote:
The argument cab be strengthened if at all author provide suitable examples of this causal relationship.

"if at all author prodive" is not good English.

Although I am not a expert in verbal,I have managed to get AWA 5.0 in real GMAT exam.

Thanks for the advice people
_________________

Rgds,
TGC!
_____________________________________________________________________
I Assisted You => KUDOS Please
_____________________________________________________________________________

Re: Plz rate this !!!!   [#permalink] 23 Mar 2013, 22:28
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