Plzz rate my Essay.. Thanks ! : Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA)
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# Plzz rate my Essay.. Thanks !

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Plzz rate my Essay.. Thanks ! [#permalink]

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01 Sep 2013, 00:25
Analysis of Argument :
Mayor Switzer has been the mayor of Auburn for the last year and a half. In the last year, crime rates have gone up, unemployment has increased and many businesses have moved out of town. Voting mayor Switzer out will help solve Switzerâ€™s crime problem, will help create jobs and will prevent businesses from having to move. How would you rate the accuracy of the above statement? Support your position with reasons and examples.

In the above argument, the author stated its due to Mayor Switzer, who has been the mayor for last year and half, there has been increase in the crime rates, decrease in the unemployement rates and loss in businesses of the town. And if the mayor was voted out, these problems could be sorted out. This argument is clearly flawed in the view of many unreliable assumptions taken into consideration and the conclusion made based on those.

First, the author failed to bring out the kind of ecomonic and social practices going on when the mayor was taken into power. It may be that the crime rates were already at a rampant growth than that when this mayor came in. Same can be the case with the umeployment rate and the businesses moving out of town. In that case voting the Mayor out of the town wont help in soving the issues.

Secondly, the author also failed to input the role of mayor in these issues. There may have been other aspects too that led to the problems. For example : the central government policies may have been the cause of the increase in unemployment. May be the land and the lifestyle of the neighboring town was better which led to the moving of the business out of this town. In these cases the mayor had no role to play. With respect to the crime rates there could have been the transfer ! of the main police force or loss in manpower for this town to ! take car e of the crime rates. These inputs should have been mentioned in the argument.

Thirdly, before jumping into the conclusion, the author should have given described the facts or policies that this mayor took which resulted in the failure of the town economy as a whole. Or the policies that prevailed when the previous Mayor was in power. Considering the above mentioned points, it can be stated that this argument is flawed. The author should have presented the premise with the facts of the present Mayor with respect to the previous and showed where he did wrong. That could have added to a better support to the conclusion.
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Re: Plzz rate my Essay.. Thanks ! [#permalink]

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01 Sep 2013, 03:36
on the whole the essay was good...Points on neigbouring cities, govt policy was spot-on.

But then there was no strengthening of flaws in the essays.

I thought you could've spotted for one more fallacy- maybe about " Voting for a new mayor does not assure an end to all the crisis"

My score: 4/6
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Re: Plzz rate my Essay.. Thanks ! [#permalink]

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05 Sep 2013, 03:27
overall this essay is a good start - it is missing a conclusion, which should not be part of the third paragraph, and has some large grammar errors that will affect the score (see my comments below for the introduction). your body paragraphs would improve with more analysis.

overall I would give this essay a 3 or 3.5
kushan1013 wrote:
Analysis of Argument :
In the above argument, the author stated its due to Mayor Switzer, who has been the mayor for last year and half, there has been increase in the crime rates, decrease in the unemployement rates and loss in businesses of the town. And if the mayor was voted out, these problems could be sorted out. This argument is clearly flawed in the view of many unreliable assumptions taken into consideration and the conclusion made based on those. this sentence is difficult to understand and is wrong idiomatically -because it is your thesis statement this is a problem for the essay

First, the author failed to bring out the kind of ecomonic and social practices going on when the mayor was taken into power. It may be that the crime rates were already at a rampant growth than that when this mayor came in. Same can be the case with the umeployment rate and the businesses moving out of town. In that case voting the Mayor out of the town wont help in soving the issues.

Secondly, the author also failed to input the role of mayor in these issues. There may have been other aspects too that led to the problems. For example : the central government policies may have been the cause of the increase in unemployment. May be the land and the lifestyle of the neighboring town was better which led to the moving of the business out of this town. In these cases the mayor had no role to play. With respect to the crime rates there could have been the transfer ! of the main police force or loss in manpower for this town to ! take car e of the crime rates. These inputs should have been mentioned in the argument.

Thirdly, before jumping into the conclusion, the author should have given described the facts or policies that this mayor took which resulted in the failure of the town economy as a whole. Or the policies that prevailed when the previous Mayor was in power. Considering the above mentioned points, it can be stated that this argument is flawed. The author should have presented the premise with the facts of the present Mayor with respect to the previous and showed where he did wrong. That could have added to a better support to the conclusion.

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Re: Plzz rate my Essay.. Thanks !   [#permalink] 05 Sep 2013, 03:27
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