Princeton Reviewers have given me a score of 2 on this Argument Essay
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Updated on: 10 Feb 2015, 16:52
Can anyone of you guys please help me?? I know it's not good, but I think 2 is a little harsh on this essay.
Down below is the feedback and the essay respectively.
PS: I used chineseburned template for this essay, which everyone complimented a lot and got a 5.0+ score using it.
FEEDBACK:
Hello Adriana, you seem to have some understanding of the nature of the writing task as you have mentioned three faulty assumptions in the author's argument. However, your discussion of the same needs to focus more on the bad reasoning instead of the issue. Also, instead of referring back to your discussion of the faulty assumptions, you are required to specify your suggestions to improve the given argument separately. All the best!
Here's some additional feedback:
• Each paragraph should focus on one idea.
ESSAY & PROMPT:
The following opinion was provided in a letter to the editor of a national aeronautics magazine:
“Manned space flight is costly and dangerous. Moreover, the recent success of a series of unmanned space probes and satellites has demonstrated that a great deal of useful information can be gathered without the costs and risks associated with sending men and women into space. Therefore, we should invest our resources in unmanned space flight."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
The argument states that we should invest our resources in unmanned space flight because manned space flight is costly and dangerous. Stated like that, the argument fails to mention several key factors, on the basis on which it could be evaluated. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions for which there's no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is unconvincing and has several flaws.
First, the argument readily assumes that the series of unmanned space probes and satellites was a sample big enough to be successful in a long term period. This statement is a stretch and not substantiated in any way. For example, a series of 5 space probes and satellites 100% successful doesn't mean that the next 1.000 will be as well. The argument could have been much clearer if it mentioned the amount of series released into space and the percentage of success that they achieved.
Second, the argument claims that the unmanned space flight gathered a great deal of useful information. This is, again, a very weak and unsupported claim as the argument fails does not demonstrate any correlation between the manned and unmanned space flight information. To illustrate, manned space flight could gather information about the texture of the land on a determined planet by touching it, and the probes and satellites could gather information such as temperature and air humidity by other devices. Unmanned space flight gathered useful information, but it doesn't mean that the manned type didn't gather information equally useful. If the argument had provided the type of information gathered by each type of space flight, then it would have been a lot more convincing.
Finally, it is said that unmanned space flight gathers information without the costs and risks associated with sending men and women into space. Are the costs and risks less on unmanned space flight? It is just said that the costs and risks are not the same associated with manned space flight, which doesn't mean that they are lower in comparison. For example, the manufacturing of space probes and satellites is a cost that is not noticeable on manned space flight. Moreover, there could still be risks of sending devices to space even if they are not associated with the risks of sending men and women to space. Without the answer to the cited question one is left with the impression that the claim is more of a wishful thinker than substantive evidence.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above-mentioned reasons and is, therefore, unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author had provided all the relevant facts named on this essay.Without this information, the argument remains unsubstantiated and opened to debate.