Hey nikiD - those questions are VERY broad. And you've already gotten feedback from some of the many other consultants you posted your question to. Why don't you reflect on the information you've received and refine your profile, then come back and ask us some targeted questions?
Our 2013 MBA essay guide for UCLA
that can help you on the "tips" - none for USC though. Given the emphasis that UCLA places on career goals though, that's really where you need to begin.
There's a lot to like in your basic background but you'll need to do significant work in figuring out what you want to do before the schools will be able to say yes to you - transitioning from education into anything can be tricky, and finance and consulting are totally different. You need to spend some time figuring this stuff out. If you're interested, we have a dedicated low-cost service to help with exactly that, called the Career Goals App Accelerator
; many find it to be invaluable in laying the foundation for the entirety of their strategy.
Sorry for the blatant upsell but it would really help you.
Feel free to write again once you have taking things to the next level with figuring out why you want an MBA in the first place.
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