Find all School-related info fast with the new School-Specific MBA Forum

It is currently 10 Jul 2014, 22:51

Close

GMAT Club Daily Prep

Thank you for using the timer - this advanced tool can estimate your performance and suggest more practice questions. We have subscribed you to Daily Prep Questions via email.

Customized
for You

we will pick new questions that match your level based on your Timer History

Track
Your Progress

every week, we’ll send you an estimated GMAT score based on your performance

Practice
Pays

we will pick new questions that match your level based on your Timer History

Not interested in getting valuable practice questions and articles delivered to your email? No problem, unsubscribe here.

Events & Promotions

Events & Promotions in June
Open Detailed Calendar

Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW!

  Question banks Downloads My Bookmarks Reviews Important topics  
Author Message
Intern
Intern
avatar
Joined: 09 Feb 2011
Posts: 9
Followers: 0

Kudos [?]: 1 [0], given: 0

Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW! [#permalink] New post 21 Feb 2011, 12:18
Hi all, just started AWA today. Put it off for the last day as I figured it's the most relaxing of the lot of to-do's. Anyhow, my GMAT is tmrw at noon so any input would be greatly appreciated.

"In general, people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. Walk into Heart's Delight, a store that started selling organic fruits and vegetables and whole-grain flours in the 1960's, and you will also find a wide selection of cheeses made with high butterfat content. Next door, the owners of the Good Earth Cafe, an old vegetarian restaurant, are still making a modest living, but the owners of the new House of Beef across the street are millionaires."

My essay:

The argument here is that people, in general, are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. Based on the evidence provided by the author, the argument is not well supported. The following paragraphs will explain why the support is weak and how the arguments could be improved.

A main weakness of the argument is that the evidence is absed on a general, visual observation. Let's take a look at the statement regarding Heart's Delight. The author claims that because the store started selling organic fruits and vegetables in the 1960's and have more recently offered high butterfat cheese, people are not as concerned with their intake of fatty cheese. The simple fac tthat cheese is available at the store is the basis for the author's claim. However, it is still possible to eat fatty chese in moderation and still be concerned with the amount of intake. For example, a customer may purchase a block of cheese to serve at a party. This does not mean that he/she is not concerned with the amount of the fatty product he/hse will consume. The argument would be strengthened if there was evidence that people eat an unhealthy amount of fatty cheese on an individual basis. This could done by providing statistics from a governing health organization.

The argument fails in that is makes a huge assumption, again, based on visual observation. The evidence states that the Good Earth Cafe owners make a modest living while the House of Beef owners are millionaires. First of all, there is no evidence of this fact. It is almost impossible to assess a business owner's net worth based on appearances. Also, the author assumes that the financial success of a food establishment is solely based on the popularity of the product it serves. This is clearly not the case. It is common knowledge that a successful restaurant requires proper management inorder to be successful. The evidence, again, would benefit from proof that the House of Beef owner's are millionaires and the Good Earth Cafe owners are not.

In conclusion, the evidence in support of the argument is wek. There is little to substantiate the claims made by the author with his/her evidence based on visual observations. As well, there were assumptions made that greatly weak the credibility of the arguments.
Kaplan Promo CodeKnewton GMAT Discount CodesGMAT Pill GMAT Discount Codes
Director
Director
avatar
Status: Matriculating
Affiliations: Chicago Booth Class of 2015
Joined: 03 Feb 2011
Posts: 932
Followers: 11

Kudos [?]: 177 [0], given: 123

Reviews Badge
Re: Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW! [#permalink] New post 21 Feb 2011, 21:52
By this time you would have taken your exam. How did it go? This essay is very good 5.5/6
Intern
Intern
avatar
Joined: 09 Feb 2011
Posts: 9
Followers: 0

Kudos [?]: 1 [0], given: 0

Re: Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW! [#permalink] New post 21 Feb 2011, 21:57
Hello!!!!!!

You are the only one here today?
Intern
Intern
avatar
Joined: 09 Feb 2011
Posts: 9
Followers: 0

Kudos [?]: 1 [0], given: 0

Re: Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW! [#permalink] New post 21 Feb 2011, 21:59
It's 1 am here in Toronto, I'm writing today at noon, so I'm off to bed. Thanks for the reply.

Any comments ? I'll be checking in the morning before I head out to the test centre. Admittedly, this is the first essay I wrote after just reading other people's on here and the AWA guide. Thanks guys/gals.
Director
Director
avatar
Status: Matriculating
Affiliations: Chicago Booth Class of 2015
Joined: 03 Feb 2011
Posts: 932
Followers: 11

Kudos [?]: 177 [0], given: 123

Reviews Badge
Re: Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW! [#permalink] New post 21 Feb 2011, 22:38
Cool ! I am just in time. Well the first essay is the crux of the awa. I think you are pretty good in nailing those. If you have written this in 30 mins - I am sure you will get a perfect score on the awa. Just keep this that way ! All the best !
Director
Director
avatar
Status: Matriculating
Affiliations: Chicago Booth Class of 2015
Joined: 03 Feb 2011
Posts: 932
Followers: 11

Kudos [?]: 177 [0], given: 123

Reviews Badge
Re: Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW! [#permalink] New post 21 Feb 2011, 22:39
Hey one this you can improve in the first para - why not say it aloud - the author's reasoning suffers from two critical errors or four critical errors. That way the reader knows how many flaws you are going to evaluate. All the best !
Director
Director
avatar
Status: Matriculating
Affiliations: Chicago Booth Class of 2015
Joined: 03 Feb 2011
Posts: 932
Followers: 11

Kudos [?]: 177 [0], given: 123

Reviews Badge
Re: Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW! [#permalink] New post 22 Feb 2011, 20:44
waiting for the debrief .......
Intern
Intern
avatar
Joined: 25 Jan 2011
Posts: 18
Followers: 1

Kudos [?]: 6 [0], given: 0

Re: Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW! [#permalink] New post 23 Feb 2011, 13:11
does the AWA really matter?
Re: Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW!   [#permalink] 23 Feb 2011, 13:11
    Similar topics Author Replies Last post
Similar
Topics:
Experts publish their posts in the topic Pls rate my GMAT essay(Kaplan) skrishnakarthik 2 17 Sep 2013, 03:38
2 Please rate my essay !! GMAT on coming Wednesday :| BearBelly 13 07 Aug 2011, 22:23
Experts publish their posts in the topic Please, rate my essays! Dominic 3 11 Feb 2011, 15:13
1 please rate my essay prachich1987 2 05 Feb 2011, 08:41
1 GMAT tmrw...thnks guys gmat2ndtime 25 21 Jun 2008, 22:31
Display posts from previous: Sort by

Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW!

  Question banks Downloads My Bookmarks Reviews Important topics  


GMAT Club MBA Forum Home| About| Privacy Policy| Terms and Conditions| GMAT Club Rules| Contact| Sitemap

Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group and phpBB SEO

Kindly note that the GMAT® test is a registered trademark of the Graduate Management Admission Council®, and this site has neither been reviewed nor endorsed by GMAC®.