Find all School-related info fast with the new School-Specific MBA Forum

It is currently 31 Aug 2014, 00:39

Close

GMAT Club Daily Prep

Thank you for using the timer - this advanced tool can estimate your performance and suggest more practice questions. We have subscribed you to Daily Prep Questions via email.

Customized
for You

we will pick new questions that match your level based on your Timer History

Track
Your Progress

every week, we’ll send you an estimated GMAT score based on your performance

Practice
Pays

we will pick new questions that match your level based on your Timer History

Not interested in getting valuable practice questions and articles delivered to your email? No problem, unsubscribe here.

Events & Promotions

Events & Promotions in June
Open Detailed Calendar

Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW!

  Question banks Downloads My Bookmarks Reviews Important topics  
Author Message
Intern
Intern
avatar
Joined: 09 Feb 2011
Posts: 9
Followers: 0

Kudos [?]: 1 [0], given: 0

Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW! [#permalink] New post 21 Feb 2011, 12:18
Hi all, just started AWA today. Put it off for the last day as I figured it's the most relaxing of the lot of to-do's. Anyhow, my GMAT is tmrw at noon so any input would be greatly appreciated.

"In general, people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. Walk into Heart's Delight, a store that started selling organic fruits and vegetables and whole-grain flours in the 1960's, and you will also find a wide selection of cheeses made with high butterfat content. Next door, the owners of the Good Earth Cafe, an old vegetarian restaurant, are still making a modest living, but the owners of the new House of Beef across the street are millionaires."

My essay:

The argument here is that people, in general, are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. Based on the evidence provided by the author, the argument is not well supported. The following paragraphs will explain why the support is weak and how the arguments could be improved.

A main weakness of the argument is that the evidence is absed on a general, visual observation. Let's take a look at the statement regarding Heart's Delight. The author claims that because the store started selling organic fruits and vegetables in the 1960's and have more recently offered high butterfat cheese, people are not as concerned with their intake of fatty cheese. The simple fac tthat cheese is available at the store is the basis for the author's claim. However, it is still possible to eat fatty chese in moderation and still be concerned with the amount of intake. For example, a customer may purchase a block of cheese to serve at a party. This does not mean that he/she is not concerned with the amount of the fatty product he/hse will consume. The argument would be strengthened if there was evidence that people eat an unhealthy amount of fatty cheese on an individual basis. This could done by providing statistics from a governing health organization.

The argument fails in that is makes a huge assumption, again, based on visual observation. The evidence states that the Good Earth Cafe owners make a modest living while the House of Beef owners are millionaires. First of all, there is no evidence of this fact. It is almost impossible to assess a business owner's net worth based on appearances. Also, the author assumes that the financial success of a food establishment is solely based on the popularity of the product it serves. This is clearly not the case. It is common knowledge that a successful restaurant requires proper management inorder to be successful. The evidence, again, would benefit from proof that the House of Beef owner's are millionaires and the Good Earth Cafe owners are not.

In conclusion, the evidence in support of the argument is wek. There is little to substantiate the claims made by the author with his/her evidence based on visual observations. As well, there were assumptions made that greatly weak the credibility of the arguments.
Kaplan GMAT Prep Discount CodesKnewton GMAT Discount CodesGMAT Pill GMAT Discount Codes
Director
Director
avatar
Status: Matriculating
Affiliations: Chicago Booth Class of 2015
Joined: 03 Feb 2011
Posts: 931
Followers: 11

Kudos [?]: 191 [0], given: 123

Reviews Badge
Re: Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW! [#permalink] New post 21 Feb 2011, 21:52
By this time you would have taken your exam. How did it go? This essay is very good 5.5/6
Intern
Intern
avatar
Joined: 09 Feb 2011
Posts: 9
Followers: 0

Kudos [?]: 1 [0], given: 0

Re: Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW! [#permalink] New post 21 Feb 2011, 21:57
Hello!!!!!!

You are the only one here today?
Intern
Intern
avatar
Joined: 09 Feb 2011
Posts: 9
Followers: 0

Kudos [?]: 1 [0], given: 0

Re: Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW! [#permalink] New post 21 Feb 2011, 21:59
It's 1 am here in Toronto, I'm writing today at noon, so I'm off to bed. Thanks for the reply.

Any comments ? I'll be checking in the morning before I head out to the test centre. Admittedly, this is the first essay I wrote after just reading other people's on here and the AWA guide. Thanks guys/gals.
Director
Director
avatar
Status: Matriculating
Affiliations: Chicago Booth Class of 2015
Joined: 03 Feb 2011
Posts: 931
Followers: 11

Kudos [?]: 191 [0], given: 123

Reviews Badge
Re: Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW! [#permalink] New post 21 Feb 2011, 22:38
Cool ! I am just in time. Well the first essay is the crux of the awa. I think you are pretty good in nailing those. If you have written this in 30 mins - I am sure you will get a perfect score on the awa. Just keep this that way ! All the best !
Director
Director
avatar
Status: Matriculating
Affiliations: Chicago Booth Class of 2015
Joined: 03 Feb 2011
Posts: 931
Followers: 11

Kudos [?]: 191 [0], given: 123

Reviews Badge
Re: Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW! [#permalink] New post 21 Feb 2011, 22:39
Hey one this you can improve in the first para - why not say it aloud - the author's reasoning suffers from two critical errors or four critical errors. That way the reader knows how many flaws you are going to evaluate. All the best !
Director
Director
avatar
Status: Matriculating
Affiliations: Chicago Booth Class of 2015
Joined: 03 Feb 2011
Posts: 931
Followers: 11

Kudos [?]: 191 [0], given: 123

Reviews Badge
Re: Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW! [#permalink] New post 22 Feb 2011, 20:44
waiting for the debrief .......
Intern
Intern
avatar
Joined: 25 Jan 2011
Posts: 18
Followers: 1

Kudos [?]: 6 [0], given: 0

Re: Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW! [#permalink] New post 23 Feb 2011, 13:11
does the AWA really matter?
Intern
Intern
avatar
Joined: 06 Jul 2014
Posts: 5
Followers: 0

Kudos [?]: 0 [0], given: 14

Re: Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW! [#permalink] New post 10 Aug 2014, 19:25
1
This post was
BOOKMARKED
Please rate my essay! I know I am making typing mistakes:(

The write has made a claim that people are not concerned about their intake of read meat and fatty cheese. Firstly, this claim is not supported by any evidence. Secondly the evidence provided for his claim is either incomplete or misses many critical aspects.

The writer has made a claim that people are not concerned about their intake of read meat and fatty cheese as they were a decade ago. Firstly the writer needs to establish that what is he referring to when he talks about "people". Is he referring to the inhabitants of a certain city e.g. London, or some country etc.? Secondly to support this claim the writer first needs to show what was the consumption per person of read meat a decade ago and what is it now. Without making such a comparison the writer's claim is not establlished. Secondly he can do a survey of people and ask their opinion of what they think about the healthy food options (organic fruits, vegetable etc.) vs read meat and fatty cheese. This will also give him an idea about whether people are actually concerned as well, irrespective of their consumption. Because people can be genuinely concerned but might still be consuming read meat and fatty cheese because of factors like availability, price etc. If there are few shops that provide organic fruit and it is expensive as well as compared to red meat, although unlikely, will make people prefer read meat and fatty cheese over organic fruit and vegetables

Secondly the writer supports him claim by giving two examples. One is of Heart's Delight. A store that originally started selling organic fruits and vegetables but then also offered cheese. Firstly the writer cannot conclude any thing on people's preference based on one or few shops. He has to take a large sample to justify his claim. For example if he is talking about a city that has a 100,00 shops divided into 100 localities, he needs to take atleast one large shop per locality to have a representative sample size. Secondly He needs to consider what is the revenue of this shop that is coming from organic fruits and vegetables and what is coming from cheese. This will give an idea about people's preference who visit this particular shop. Secondly the writer needs to look at other variables that might have led to this shop offering cheese. For example, they might have found a low cost supplier of cheese. So without considering all these factors that writer cannot support his claim

The second example he gives if of two shops, Good Earth Cafe and House beef. He claims that Good Earth Cafe is making a modest living and House Beef has become millionaires which proves that people are not concerned about their intake of red meat and fatty cheese. Here again the writer is relying on faulty assumptions and missing important points which are necessary to establish this claim. Firstly this Cafe is located next door to another shop, Heart's Delight that is selling the similar products (organic fruits, vegetables etc.). It might be the case that people are buying from Heart's Delight and Heart's Delight is making a lot of money from it's organic food section: Much more then the Beef shop. Secondly there might be many shops in that locaility that are selling organic food and this Beef Shop might be the only one in the locality. So as stated above, the writer needs to take a larger sample size to establish high arguments. Thirdly their could be other reasons for poor sale of the Good Earth Cafe like poor food quality etc.

To make a robust and sound argument the writer needs to do two things. Firstly he needs to establish his argument. This will invovle defining what is he referring to as "people". Gathering data and interviewing people to establish people are not concerned and comparing this to data and opinion a decade ago. Secondly he needs to increase the sample size of the stores and look at other reasons why certain stores might not be performing well. Only then he can make this claim
Intern
Intern
avatar
Joined: 06 Jul 2014
Posts: 5
Followers: 0

Kudos [?]: 0 [0], given: 14

Re: Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW! [#permalink] New post 14 Aug 2014, 10:51
Anyone? GMAT in two days time
Re: Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW!   [#permalink] 14 Aug 2014, 10:51
    Similar topics Author Replies Last post
Similar
Topics:
New to GMAT - please rate my AWA . This is my first Essay Lisa81 0 26 Aug 2014, 23:49
Experts publish their posts in the topic Pls rate my GMAT essay(Kaplan) skrishnakarthik 2 17 Sep 2013, 03:38
2 Please rate my essay !! GMAT on coming Wednesday :| BearBelly 13 07 Aug 2011, 22:23
Experts publish their posts in the topic Please, rate my essays! Dominic 3 11 Feb 2011, 15:13
1 GMAT tmrw...thnks guys gmat2ndtime 25 21 Jun 2008, 22:31
Display posts from previous: Sort by

Rate my essay - GMAT TMRW!

  Question banks Downloads My Bookmarks Reviews Important topics  


GMAT Club MBA Forum Home| About| Privacy Policy| Terms and Conditions| GMAT Club Rules| Contact| Sitemap

Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group and phpBB SEO

Kindly note that the GMAT® test is a registered trademark of the Graduate Management Admission Council®, and this site has neither been reviewed nor endorsed by GMAC®.