This essay is a good start. The introduction hits all the basic points but does not bring your "voice" into it and reads like 3 simple, similar sentences. trying to get the same points across with a bit more style (adding vocabulary, adding a because phrase etc..) would help to improve the holistic grade of this essay.
Your two body paragraphs have good topic sentences and are well reasoned over all. You do need to be a little more clear about mentioning what the author could do the improve the argument - adding this as a final sentence to each paragraph is one technique.
also, your essay only has 2 points, and this will keep it from the highest grades - overall the graders are looking for an essay with 5-6 paragraphs. However, because your analysis is good this essay would probably score a 3.5 or 4
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