I do agree with the view expressed above because in this world, which is moving towards knowledge economy, education and knowledge have become the key drivers for success. Better the education and knowledge you have, better is your chances of achieving success. Now a days, an idea, which is creative and innovative and supported by timely knowledge to convert it into an end product, is more important than money and capital because it is easier to find people with money who are ready to support bright ideas. Not only that, education has helped people from all strata of society- from top to bottom- to move up in their life and achieve success.[/b]
In today's world, which is moving towards a knowledge economy, education and knowledge have become the key drivers for success. The better the education and knowledge you have, the better the chances are that you will achieve success. Nowadays, an idea that is creative and innovative is more important than money and capital, because it is easier to find people with money who are ready to support bright ideas. Not only that, education has helped people from all strata of society- from top to bottom- move up in their life.
Good points: Your structure is excellent, with clear paragraphing. Each of your points is supported by it's own evidence, leading to a solid conclusion.
Things that need work:
Your grammar has several issues, including a number of idiom issues (I've corrected a few from your first paragraph, above) and come parallelism. These can be tricky to master, but the same skills you're working on for the SC section will help to improve these with time.
Avoid excessive use of the first person.
Make the other side clear. You do a very good job of defending your position, but it's not clear what you're defending it against; you need to introduce an alternate position, to explain why the subject is even at issue, and then dismiss that position's evidence to strenghten your own.
All things considered, a respectable effort, but one with room to improve. I'd tentatively rate this a 4.
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