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Taking Gmat in 10 days - Please rate my essays

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Intern
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Joined: 18 May 2012
Posts: 37
Concentration: Finance, Marketing
GMAT 1: 600 Q47 V25
GMAT 2: 670 Q49 V32
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Taking Gmat in 10 days - Please rate my essays [#permalink] New post 20 Aug 2013, 22:54
Hi All,
Will be really gratefull if someone could provide insights on the following essays --
The following appeared in the editorial section of a corporate newsletter:

“The common notion that workers are generally apathetic about management issues is false, or at least outdated: a recently published survey indicates that 79 percent of the nearly 1,200 workers who responded to survey questionnaires expressed a high level of interest in the topics of corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits programs.”

Discuss how well reasoned … etc.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The argument as stated above claims that the common notion that workers are apathetic about management issues is false or at least outdated, because a recently published survey indicated that many workers expressed high level of interest in in the topic of corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits program. To reach this conclusion the argument relies upon several assumptions that are not only overreaching but also poorly substantiated. The argument also ignores several other key factors that, if not more, may be equally important to take into consideration.

Most conspicuously, the argument assumes that the high level of interest expressed by some worker about certain topics provides enough grounds to reject the commonly held notion. However, it may be possible that the workers who responded to the survey were already apathetic to management issue. For instance, the survey could have been conducted post an employee meet held for discussing management issues at the company. Any participants that responded to the survey were already interested in management issues, and thus their responses are not substantial enough to reject the commonly held notion. Moreover the argument assumes that this one survey is representative of the workers opinion in general. Surely we cannot base the opinion of millions of workers on the opinion of a handful of workers.

Finally, the argument mentions that workers who responded to the survey have expressed high level of interest in the topics of corporate structuring and redesign of benefits programs. The argument assumes that these topics are representative of management issues in general. However, upon careful analysis we can see that these topics are not limited to only management issues; in fact the outcome of these topics will have an economic impact on the workers as well. Thus the workers interest in these topics is not entirely unwarranted, and it is unreasonable to conclude that their participation in this survey provides enough grounds to reject the commonly held notion.

In conclusion the argument ignores several key issues, and is therefore vulnerable to criticism. The author can strengthen the argument by taking into account the several shortcomings highlighted above.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Also i had posted an essay few days back, but never got any response...
please-evaluate-my-essay-q4-the-bugle-vs-the-mercury-155751.html
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Re: Taking Gmat in 10 days - Please rate my essays [#permalink] New post 21 Aug 2013, 15:42
1
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Expert's post
rohanGmat wrote:
Hi All,
Will be really gratefull if someone could provide insights on the following essays --
The following appeared in the editorial section of a corporate newsletter:

“The common notion that workers are generally apathetic about management issues is false, or at least outdated: a recently published survey indicates that 79 percent of the nearly 1,200 workers who responded to survey questionnaires expressed a high level of interest in the topics of corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits programs.”

Discuss how well reasoned … etc.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The argument as stated above claims that the common notion that workers are apathetic about management issues is false or at least outdated, because a recently published survey indicated that many workers expressed high level of interest in in the topic of corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits program. To reach this conclusion the argument relies upon several assumptions that are not only overreaching but also poorly substantiated. The argument also ignores several other key factors that, if not more, may be equally important to take into consideration.

Most conspicuously, the argument assumes that the high level of interest expressed by some worker about certain topics provides enough grounds to reject the commonly held notion. However, it may be possible that the workers who responded to the survey were already apathetic to management issue. For instance, the survey could have been conducted post an employee meet held for discussing management issues at the company. Any participants that responded to the survey were already interested in management issues, and thus their responses are not substantial enough to reject the commonly held notion. Moreover the argument assumes that this one survey is representative of the workers opinion in general. Surely we cannot base the opinion of millions of workers on the opinion of a handful of workers.

Finally, the argument mentions that workers who responded to the survey have expressed high level of interest in the topics of corporate structuring and redesign of benefits programs. The argument assumes that these topics are representative of management issues in general. However, upon careful analysis we can see that these topics are not limited to only management issues; in fact the outcome of these topics will have an economic impact on the workers as well. Thus the workers interest in these topics is not entirely unwarranted, and it is unreasonable to conclude that their participation in this survey provides enough grounds to reject the commonly held notion.

In conclusion the argument ignores several key issues, and is therefore vulnerable to criticism. The author can strengthen the argument by taking into account the several shortcomings highlighted above.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Also i had posted an essay few days back, but never got any response...
please-evaluate-my-essay-q4-the-bugle-vs-the-mercury-155751.html


The essay as a whole is very strong and would receive a 5 or higher most likely on the GMAT. My only criticism is that the essay would have been better either without the last sentence of the second paragraph or with that sentence expanded into a full paragraph. As it is written it seems a random thought that is not well analyzed and makes the reader wonder if you fully thought about the point. but this is a minor issue.
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Intern
Intern
User avatar
Joined: 18 May 2012
Posts: 37
Concentration: Finance, Marketing
GMAT 1: 600 Q47 V25
GMAT 2: 670 Q49 V32
GMAT 3: 750 Q50 V41
Followers: 4

Kudos [?]: 25 [0], given: 11

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Re: Taking Gmat in 10 days - Please rate my essays [#permalink] New post 22 Aug 2013, 07:05
Thanks Becky for the insightful review. My problem is that i am not able to pen down a lot in 30 mins .. while I was writing this i wanted to elaborate more on the last point of the second para, but time was running out.

I choose to write it anyway because -
1. I am under the impression that we should at least provide 3 different reasons to backup the argument.
2. Word count ~400

Are these concerns really true?
Obviously GMAT OG does not provide any such guidelines -- but I have read countless recommendations to do so.
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while(1) { "I Love GMAT" . "I Hate GMAT" } .. BREAK .. Thank god this is over, but now I miss it!!
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Re: Taking Gmat in 10 days - Please rate my essays   [#permalink] 22 Aug 2013, 07:05
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