Renzo essay review The argument claims that the Apogee Company should close down other offices and operate from a single office on the basis that there will be better profitability and supervision. Although the reasoning in this argument is not too bad, there are some issues with assumptions and the lack of evidence. Therefore, in its current form, this argument is not entirely convincing and has several flaws.
First, the argument claims that it should strip all its operations down to just one location. However, the argument did not mention anything about the company's current state. How many offices does it currently have? We do not have any information regarding that. If it included information on its current number of offices, profitability, and supervision, the conclusion would have been more convincing.
Second, the argument claims that the company was profitable when it operated with only one location. However, it assumes that profitability should be the sole purpose of any business and that businesses should maintain profitability at all times. The Apogee company could have opened many offices knowing that it will not be profitable in the short term, but will be profitable in the future. There are many reasons they sacrificed short term profitability for the sake of other things. For example, they could have opened more offices to hire more people to gain more market share.
Finally, The argument claims that centralization would increase profitability and supervision. Although this reasoning is valid, it lacks evidence to support it. The argument could include how other companies went from many locations to just one location, and, as a result, profitability and supervision went up as well.
In summary, the argument`s reasoning is valid on the surface level. However, for a more convincing argument, it needs to question some of its assumptions and add evidence to support the conclusion. Therefore, in its current form, the argument lacks substance and remains open to debate
Review:
318 words --- too small – need to be at least 500 words.
Construction --- Ok
Transitions – Used
Flow – good
Grammar mistakes --- nil
Argument: coherent
Score ---5.5/6
General observations:
You could use more specific transitions and vocabulary such as attached below.
Guidelines 1. What is your claim or main 1.idea? State it explicitly
2. State the claim with a pithy introductory question such as ‘’Does experience help a company every time?
3. Show how your argument is different from the case in point.
4. Show counter argument by saying what would happen in the absence.
5. Use transition words at least once in a paragraph. Such as, above all, significantly, accordingly, consequently, rarely, frequently, therefore, thus, additionally, again, not only but also, not just -, but also, bemusing, besides, although, albeit, nevertheless, none the less., undoubtedly; - In the event of, for fear of, in sum, arresting, catchy, emphatic, compelling, nerve-racking, earth-shaking, etc
Flamboyant, splashy, gaudy, in the middle, further to, in the distance from, before in the foreground, sooner or later, until, meanwhile, up to the present time, till further, to begin with, in due time, then first, second, until now, in time, as soon as, before, as long as, forthwith, in the meantime, in a moment, without delay, about by the time, in the first place, all of a sudden, at this instant, that immediately, instantly, quickly, suddenly, presently, finally, shortly, occasionally,
after all, overall, generally speaking, in the final analysis, in summary, all things considered, by and large, as shown above, in short, to sum up, in the long run, in brief, on the whole, in essence in any event, in a word, on balance, all in all, l for the most
6. Use survey results, study reports, personal stories to illustrate your counter-argument. Cite authors and give credit. Prove your understanding.
7. The finale could be touchy, philosophical, categorical, conciliatory, or accommodative but not surrendering.
8. You can end up the essay with some appropriate quote such as “
1. Success is not final. Failure is not fatal; it is the courage that counts.
2. Victory at all costs, victory despite all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory, there is no survival.
3. What we anticipate seldom occurs: but what we least expect generally happens. -Benjamin Disraeli
4. Only fools wait for History to repeat; wise people make fresh history or re-create it. --- An old proverb.
Good Luck
Daagh
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Thank you Daagh for your time on GMAT Club and all your contributions! Thank you for everything you did!Your work will remain a great tribute to you here on GMAT Club!
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