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Two days before test day!

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Two days before test day! [#permalink] New post 15 Feb 2011, 09:39
ESSAY QUESTION: :bouncer

"Although the modern information age has opened up channels of communication that never before existed, it, paradoxically, has destroyed the foundation of community by isolating individuals in a technological world that involves little real human interaction."

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the position stated above. Support your viewpoint using reasons and examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

MY RESPONSE:

The statement of whether the modern information age is beneficial or not beneficial is a controversial one. Some argue that it is because of the ability of exchanging information quickly that we are able to enjoy the luxury of the quality of life. Others say that the 'etch world' that we are living in is in fact not benefiting our quality of life because the more technology people use the less real the human interaction will be. I agree with the latter, argument however and will explain my reasons.

Firstly, communication has given us the ability to do a lot of things much faster than ever before. Decisions are made faster, business deals are closed speedier, problems are solved quicker... and this speeding up of things has made people have to have less time to themselves, therefore causing people to have less time with their families, more work to do, less sleep, more stress and high health care costs.

Secondly, nothing like face-to face communication enables one to really understand another person. Meaning that one can tell whether someone is confident, sincere, etc... For example, studies have been done of people being interviewed and they were able to find out the signs of whether someone is lying or not. The left side of the brain is were math skills and logic are calculated and the right side of the brain is the side where creativity is thought. When one lies he or she uses her creativity to fabricate events that never happened. So when someone looks to the left it means that person is using logic to answer a question ans is therefore being truthful. However, when someone looks to the right it means that person is using his creativity to answer the question and, hence, is lying.

Admittedly, some may argue that being able to communicate this fast has enabled people to have more time to themselves and therefore have a better quality of life. There is a saying, however, "The reward for a job well done is the opportunity to do more." In other words, people who were able complete tasks faster and better are given more work to do immediately and, hence, cannot have any time for themselves. Adversaries may argue that for people who travel a lot this ability to communicate would enable them to converse with their loved ones from anywhere in the world. Long distance communication isn't as effective as face to face communication, it is because children spend less and less time with their parents that at times they are not performing well in their studies or get into trouble. Parents cannot discipline their children as effectively

In sum, I believe that sincere human interaction is essential in people's lives it reduces the stress that work creates and helps people think positively, therefore enabling them to become positively productive.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

:flower Please read and evaluate my essay. Wrote it in 30 minutes.
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Re: Two days before test day! [#permalink] New post 15 Feb 2011, 09:44
ESSAY QUESTION: :wave Please read and evaluate my essay.
The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper:

“The inflow of immigrant workers into our community has put a downward pressure on wages. In fact, the average compensation of unskilled labor in our city has declined by nearly 10% over the past 5 years. Therefore, to protect our local economy, it is essential to impose a moratorium on further immigration.”

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.

YOUR RESPONSE:
The statement, at first glance, seems convincing, however, upon further examination of the argument I find that the author bases his conclusion on several assumptions and he fails to take some factors into consideration before he arrived at his conclusion. For this reason, I find that the argument is, in fact, fundamentally flawed. I will explain how the argument can be improved in the up-coming paragraphs.

Firstly, the author assumes that the decrease in wages was caused by the inflow of immigrant workers. He doesn't, however, provide the evidence to make such claims. Furthermore, the author fails to consider that there could be other factors that affect compensation, such as inflation, recession, local unskilled worker population, etc... The argument could be strengthened if the author provided statistics of the of the payment of immigrant workers, the average number of unskilled immigrant workers in an organization, etc... as evidence the argument could be improved.

Secondly, the author assumes that the local economy can be protected if a memorandum is imposed on further immigration. If he doesn't take into consideration that the other factors, which are mentioned in the first paragraph, are causing the the decrease in wages the statement would be vulnerable to attack.

Finally, the author that the immigrant workers coming into the city are unskilled workers. The immigrant workers could be skilled people who are recruited from other countries to do the work required because the people with the right expertise are not available, which means that they are actually not competing with unskilled employees for less payment. The author's statement could be strengthened if he provided a statement that these immigrant workers are competing with the local workers and offering to do the work required of them for a lower wage.


In sum, I believe that the statement made could be solidified if the changes that have been suggested above were made.


This took me less than 30 mins. How is it? :good
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Re: Two days before test day! [#permalink] New post 15 Feb 2011, 09:59
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This is 5.5. Well done :-D

Just couple of things. I have seen this template before, if you come up with your style then it will remove the cliches like "In my opinion.." "I therefore believe" Its understood that since you have written it, its yours - you are the editor and you own this piece.

I like the third para - since you acknowledge the opposite side and still manage to hold your own. Its very important that you give the examiner a sense of depth by arguing from your opponent's standpoint and make them believe that the opponent does not stand a chance. I will plunge directly without much ado for example - you third para can start with -

Critics may take an opposite view and argue x. but it is apparent that x is solely based on just one perspective. The critics are not wrong to have this opinion however stated in this way x can be y..... inasmuch as it ignores z.

Last para - "I believe" is not required. Generalize as much as possible. :-D
For all the reasons stated, sincere human interaction are essential in people's lives since they reduce the stress that work creates and helps people think positively, enabling them to become positively productive.
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Re: Two days before test day! [#permalink] New post 15 Feb 2011, 11:13
Really? Thanks!
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Re: Two days before test day! [#permalink] New post 15 Feb 2011, 11:14
gmat1220 wrote:
Just couple of things. I have seen this template before, if you come up with your style then it will remove the cliches like "In my opinion.." "I therefore believe" Its understood that since you have written it, its yours - you are the editor and you own this piece.


Good point!
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"It always seems impossible until its done."
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Re: Two days before test day!   [#permalink] 15 Feb 2011, 11:14
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