Find all School-related info fast with the new School-Specific MBA Forum

 It is currently 27 Oct 2016, 07:05

### GMAT Club Daily Prep

#### Thank you for using the timer - this advanced tool can estimate your performance and suggest more practice questions. We have subscribed you to Daily Prep Questions via email.

Customized
for You

we will pick new questions that match your level based on your Timer History

Track

every week, we’ll send you an estimated GMAT score based on your performance

Practice
Pays

we will pick new questions that match your level based on your Timer History

# Events & Promotions

###### Events & Promotions in June
Open Detailed Calendar

# What NOT to Include in Your MBA Application Essays

Author Message
TAGS:

### Hide Tags

Joined: 25 Apr 2013
Posts: 2036
Followers: 21

Kudos [?]: 212 [23] , given: 0

### Show Tags

09 Jul 2013, 02:04
23
KUDOS
Expert's post
29
This post was
BOOKMARKED

What NOT to Include in Your MBA Application Essays

There are certainly a lot of things you should include when writing your MBA application essays, but some things you should definitely not include. Here are a few:

False claims of uniqueness

“The semester I spent in France during high school was a unique experience.”
“I want to attend Columbia Business School because of its unique Entrepreneurial Club.”
“The opportunity to do hands-on consulting at Ross is unique.”
“My finance background and strong interpersonal skills will allow me to make a unique contribution to Cornell’s Investment Management Club.”

One of mbaMission’s consultants recently counted five uses of the word “unique” in a single 600-word essay. What is more, not one of the uses actually fulfilled the term’s correct definition: “existing as the only one or as the sole example.” Applicants tend to use the word “unique” as a way of trying to make themselves stand out to the admissions committee. However, because they use the word imprecisely—and often too frequently—it instead has the opposite effect of making the essay lose its distinctiveness and believability. Another danger of using the term too casually is that you risk exposing your lack of research about the school if you claim something is unique to its program when it really is not.

Here are the same four statements written without the generic term “unique.” In each case, the sentence is far more descriptive and therefore much less likely to appear in any other applicant’s essay!

“The semester I spent in France during high school was eye-opening, from the frogs’ legs I was served at dinner to the concept of shopping daily for my food.”
“I want to attend Columbia Business School because its Entrepreneurial Club offers an incredible range of activities and resources that will prepare me to better run my own company.”
“The opportunity to do hands-on consulting at Ross will complement the theoretical background I will gain by taking classes on consulting.”
“My finance background and strong interpersonal skills will allow me to effectively coach and mentor classmates new to finance through Cornell’s Investment Management Club’s mentorship program.”

Platitudes

Many business school candidates unwittingly start their essays with platitudes—obvious or trite remarks that are written as though they were original. For example, when responding to Harvard Business School’s essay question “Tell us about a time when you made a difficult decision,” a candidate might write the following:

“Managers constantly face difficult decisions. Still, everyone hates indecision.”
However, the applicant does not “own” this idea and cannot lay claim to this statement. A simple alternative would be to insert his or her personal experience and viewpoint into the sentence:

“Yet again, I was in the boardroom with Steve, anticipating that he would change his mind on the mbaMission file.”
By discussing your personal and unique experiences, you take ownership of your story and better engage your reader. Avoiding platitudes and generalities—and ensuring that you are sharing your experience and opinion, rather than one that could belong to anyone else—is a simple but often overlooked step in creating a compelling message.

Too many sentences starting with the word “I”

Although putting yourself at the center of the stories in your MBA application essays is certainly important, a common mistake business school candidates make is beginning too many sentences with the word “I.” As a general rule, you should never have two sentences in a row that begin this way. Consider the following example:

“I worked for three years at ABC Plastics, a small injection molding company. I was responsible for overseeing the overall management of ABC Plastics, from day-to-day operations to strategic planning. I managed 100 people. I worked very long hours, but I learned more than I could have ever imagined.”

Now consider the same statement reworked to avoid using the word “I” at the beginning of subsequent sentences:

“For three years, I worked at ABC Plastics, a small injection molding company. My responsibilities at ABC included overseeing the overall management of the company, from day-to-day operations to strategic planning. Because I supervised more than 100 staff members, my days were long, but the experience taught me more than I could have ever imagined.”

As you can see, the second example reads much better than the first—and none of the sentences in the second example begin with “I.”

The abbreviation “etc.”

As a general rule, “etc.” should never appear in your MBA application essays. Consider the following sentences:

“I helped draft prospectuses, analyze key company data, value companies, etc.”

“I look forward to courses such as ‘Small Business Management,’ ‘Leading Teams,’ ‘Multiparty Negotiations,’ etc.”

In the first sample sentence, “etc.” replaces information that if of interest to the admissions reader and that he or she would use to evaluate the writer. The reader cannot make the leap and understand where the writer’s experiences led. In the second example, “etc.” trivializes the school’s resources and may even suggest to the admissions committee that the applicant is just too lazy (or disinterested!) to properly do his or her homework.
We are at a loss to think of one instance in which “etc.” could be used appropriately in a business school application essay. Very simply, ensure that this term does not appear in your essays.

Extreme descriptions

Our philosophy at mbaMission is that candidates should let the experiences they share in their essays—not their word choices—captivate the admissions committees. Sometimes we find that applicants attempt to emphasize their actions with “extreme” adjectives and adverbs, and we strongly discourage this approach. Consider the following example:

“As others withdrew their support, I remained remarkably dedicated to our crucial fundraising efforts. I dramatically increased my participation in our strategic planning meetings and insisted
that we push forward with a wildly creative guerrilla marketing plan, which brought forth tremendous results—$1M in ‘instant’ proceeds.” In these two sentences, the writer uses the descriptors remarkably, dramatically, wildly and tremendous in an attempt to make an impression on the reader. We find that a more effective approach is to eliminate these “extreme” descriptions and let the experiences do the “talking.” “As others withdrew their support, I remained dedicated to our fundraising efforts. I increased my participation in our strategic planning meetings and insisted that we push forward with a guerrilla marketing plan that brought$1M in ‘instant’ proceeds.”

In this second example, we do not need to be told that the results were “tremendous,” because the \$1M speaks for itself; we do not need to be told that the marketing campaign was “wildly creative,” because this is implied in the nature of guerrilla marketing. In addition to showing a level of humility on the part of the candidate, this approach is less wordy. Although the eight words saved in the latter example may seem inconsequential, we removed them from only two sentences. If we can remove four words from each and every sentence, we would be able to augment your essay with other compelling ideas.

Arrogance

Business school candidates often fret about striking the right balance between confidence and arrogance in their MBA application essays. For example, you might have difficulty choosing the better choice from between the following two statements:

“At the Stanford GSB, I will take advantage of the newly designed curriculum to…”
“At the Stanford GSB, I would take advantage of the newly designed curriculum to…”

Or between these two statements:

“After completing my MBA at Harvard Business School, I will pursue a career in…”
“After completing my MBA at Harvard Business School, I would aspire to a career in…”

In each set of examples, you are choosing between certainty (“I will”) and diplomacy (“I would”). Considering these options, you might ask yourself whether the first option is too presumptuous or the second option too weak. The answer is that neither of these examples is “right”; each candidate needs to choose an approach that is consistent with his or her personality. However, the key is to maintain consistency—mixing the two styles is distracting to the reader and can seem sloppy.

Repetition

Recently, a prospective business school candidate emailed mbaMission with the following question: “What is the most basic stylistic error that candidates make when writing their MBA application essays?” Our answer: unnecessary repetition. Although repeating a word within a single sentence or in consecutive sentences does not constitute a grammatical mistake, it can still be grating to a reader’s “ear.”
Consider this example:

“During my time at XYZ Sales, I increased productivity by 31% and increased revenue by 21%. Meanwhile, I increased my client base by an industry-leading 81%, bringing increased prestige to my firm.”

Although this example—which uses the word “increased” four times in just two sentences—may seem like an exaggerated case, it is actually not as rare as you might think. However, the repetition can be easily eliminated and the sentences made increasingly reader friendly with just a few simple changes:

“During my time at XYZ Sales, I increased productivity by 31% and revenue by 21%. Meanwhile, I grew my client base by an industry-leading 81%, thereby enhancing my firm’s prestige.”

The key to eliminating repetition is to first become aware of the potential problem and then gain distance from your work. If you step away from your essay drafts for a day or two and then go back to reread them, you will have the objectivity necessary to catch—and correct—this easily avoidable mistake.

Mentions of rankings

In your essays and interviews, you should thoroughly demonstrate your interest in your target program by developing and presenting arguments that center on the school’s academic and environmental attributes (e.g., research institutes, professors, experiential learning opportunities, classes, pedagogies)—but do not identify the school’s position in the various MBA rankings as a reason for applying. Although applicants, administrators, students and alumni all pay tremendous attention to rankings, within your application, the topic is entirely taboo.
Why is this? Rankings are a measure of a school’s reputation and tend to fluctuate from year to year. By citing rankings, you indicate that you could (or would) be dissatisfied by a drop in your target school’s prestige, as conveyed by such rankings—a drop that would be out of the school’s control and that, from the school’s perspective, could ostensibly put your relationship as a future student (and later as an alumnus/alumna) at risk. Further, MBA programs want to be sure that you are attracted to their various academic offerings and that you have profound professional needs that they can satisfy. Rankings, however, are superficial, and referencing them in your application materials undermines the profundity of your research and motives.

_________________

Jen Kedrowski
mbaMission

Website: http://www.mbamission.com
Blog: http://www.mbamission.com/blog
mbaMission Insiders Guides: http://www.mbamission.com/guides.php?category=insiders
Free Consultation: http://www.mbamission.com/consult.php

BSchool Forum Moderator
Joined: 27 Aug 2012
Posts: 1194
Followers: 126

Kudos [?]: 1388 [0], given: 142

### Show Tags

13 Jul 2013, 13:23

+1 from me

A quick question- in the 'Arrogance' part as you've mentioned that " neither of these examples is “right”" I think there isn't any other option but these two to write...Am I correct? Do you suggest any alternative?

P.S: Can you share the link for mbaMission's Essay analysis for this year?
_________________
Non-Human User
Joined: 01 Oct 2013
Posts: 515
Followers: 70

Kudos [?]: 12 [0], given: 0

### Show Tags

20 Jul 2014, 18:04
Hello from the GMAT Club MBAbot!

Thanks to another GMAT Club member, I have just discovered this valuable topic, yet it had no discussion for over a year. I am now bumping it up - doing my job. I think you may find it valuable (esp those replies with Kudos).

Want to see all other topics I dig out? Follow me (click follow button on profile). You will receive a summary of all topics I bump in your profile area as well as via email.
BSchool Forum Moderator
Joined: 17 Sep 2013
Posts: 345
Followers: 27

Kudos [?]: 148 [0], given: 94

### Show Tags

20 Jul 2014, 18:05
+1 kudos to bump this up. Any more suggestions on what to avoid in essays?
_________________
BSchool Forum Moderator
Joined: 17 Sep 2013
Posts: 345
Followers: 27

Kudos [?]: 148 [1] , given: 94

### Show Tags

20 Jul 2014, 18:06
1
KUDOS
MBAbot wrote:
Hello from the GMAT Club MBAbot!

Thanks to another GMAT Club member, I have just discovered this valuable topic, yet it had no discussion for over a year. I am now bumping it up - doing my job. I think you may find it valuable (esp those replies with Kudos).

Want to see all other topics I dig out? Follow me (click follow button on profile). You will receive a summary of all topics I bump in your profile area as well as via email.

Woah... The Bot just bumped up this topic seconds before I did... THE MACHINES ARE WATCHING US!!!! WAITING.......
_________________
Status: Harvard Alum
Affiliations: Harvard University
Joined: 30 Nov 2013
Posts: 160
Location: United States (NY)
Followers: 14

Kudos [?]: 29 [1] , given: 4

### Show Tags

20 Jul 2014, 19:05
1
KUDOS
Expert's post
I want to add the overuse (in my opinion just use) of the word "passion." I'm a former Harvard interviewer and cannot stand to read the word PASSION over and over again, as it is actually very non-descript. Instead, tell us WHY you are driven, inspired, motivated, etc by a field or industry -- tell us your action versus just using a very overused (and hollow sounding word).

Using it once is perfectly fine. Using it 3-4 times...you're going in the pile you don't want to go in.

[I'm a former Harvard admissions interviewer, and a Harvard grad. I currently run the firm MBA Ivy League, at www.MBAIvyLeague.com]
_________________

For more free MBA & EMBA tips and advice, check out my MBA Admissions Blog: http://www.MBAIvyLeague.com/Blog

Intern
Affiliations: DreamMBA Inc.
Joined: 15 Jul 2014
Posts: 49
Location: United States
GMAT 1: 760 Q51 V41
GPA: 3.94
WE: Consulting (Consulting)
Followers: 2

Kudos [?]: 13 [0], given: 2

### Show Tags

23 Jul 2014, 17:16
Very useful discussion. I would like to add:

1. Indians Engineers who mention that getting into IIT was one of the biggest achievements of their lives. Yes. It is difficult to enter IITs. But a reasonable number of Indian applicants to top 10 schools are IIT graduates. It offers zero differentiation against the competition.

2. Applicants with 760 GMAT score wasting space in paragraphs mentioning that they are strong in quant. Well guys, if you score 760, adcom already know that you have quantitative and reasoning skills. Use precious "essay real estate" to offer more value.

3. Having extra-curriculars as "check marks" with no details on the motivation or connection for that extra-curricular activity with you. e.g. what motivated you to join that animal rights NGO focusing on shelter dogs based in Norway while you were working in Japan and whaling was probably an issue closer to home. (It is just a rough example. I hope you got the drift.)
Intern
Joined: 20 May 2014
Posts: 3
Followers: 1

Kudos [?]: 1 [0], given: 0

### Show Tags

24 Jul 2014, 21:15
Hi MBA Hopefuls,

I joined GMATClub in hopes of meeting those who may be in need of MBA application consulting services.

I've helped applicants with GMAT scores as low as 520 access top MBA programs such as HBS, Wharton, Stanford GBS, Emory Goizueta, LBS, Duke's Fuqua Business School, Booth, Kellogg and more.

My approach is highly personalized. I work very closely with the applicant to understand his/her strengths, goals, weaknesses, passions, and potential as they relate to each MBA program. I also ensure that all recommendation letters are 100% consistent with the rest of your application.

Within the first (free) 30-minute consultation, I can very quickly figure out if low GMAT scores are something we'll be able to work around or if applicants should retake the GMAT and/or consider other MBA programs. This boils down to an applicant's professional background and other accomplishments.

Outside of MBA application consulting, I'm the cofounder of two startups, and am well connected in the tech startup scene for any of you who might be interested in jobs or internships.

Thanks for listening! I look forward to hearing from you.

Christina
Intern
Joined: 21 May 2015
Posts: 5
Followers: 0

Kudos [?]: 0 [0], given: 0

### Show Tags

21 May 2015, 23:22
The discussion is very useful! Hope, it'll help me. Thank you.
Non-Human User
Joined: 01 Oct 2013
Posts: 515
Followers: 70

Kudos [?]: 12 [0], given: 0

### Show Tags

28 Jul 2016, 18:23
Hello from the GMAT Club MBAbot!

Thanks to another GMAT Club member, I have just discovered this valuable topic, yet it had no discussion for over a year. I am now bumping it up - doing my job. I think you may find it valuable (esp those replies with Kudos).

Want to see all other topics I dig out? Follow me (click follow button on profile). You will receive a summary of all topics I bump in your profile area as well as via email.
Intern
Joined: 02 Apr 2015
Posts: 34
Schools: HBS '19 (D)
GMAT 1: 700 Q44 V41
GMAT 2: 760 Q49 V44
GPA: 3.55
Followers: 1

Kudos [?]: 0 [0], given: 8

### Show Tags

26 Aug 2016, 16:00
Very useful discussion!

Thoughts on if you would lean more towards "I would..." vs "I will..."?
BSchool Forum Moderator
Joined: 17 Sep 2013
Posts: 345
Followers: 27

Kudos [?]: 148 [1] , given: 94

### Show Tags

01 Sep 2016, 00:27
1
KUDOS
LittleMoW wrote:
Very useful discussion!

Thoughts on if you would lean more towards "I would..." vs "I will..."?

I assume that you are saying this in the context of extracurricular activities (though the below argument can also be extended to other areas).

I am in the group that leans toward "I would" rather than "I will". "I would" indicates intention. "I will" is much stronger. Saying "I will" might lead to an adcom member or interviewer question the applicant on how is he/she so confident about the particular action. B-school being so hectic, it is impossible to commit to any extracurricular activity with certainty.

So, I would use "I will" only if I want to convey anything with a lot of certainty.
_________________
Intern
Joined: 02 Apr 2015
Posts: 34
Schools: HBS '19 (D)
GMAT 1: 700 Q44 V41
GMAT 2: 760 Q49 V44
GPA: 3.55
Followers: 1

Kudos [?]: 0 [0], given: 8

### Show Tags

01 Sep 2016, 09:10
Thanks for the POV gmatbugsme84!
Re: What NOT to Include in Your MBA Application Essays   [#permalink] 01 Sep 2016, 09:10
Similar topics Replies Last post
Similar
Topics:
5 GMAT Club Essay Review 6: What are your goals and why an MBA? 0 19 Aug 2015, 12:08
MBA Application Resume: Include Client Names? 1 19 Aug 2014, 14:11
#Essay Tip | Be Specific in Your MBA Application Essays! 0 10 Jun 2014, 06:56
Should I Include THIS in my MBA Admision Essays? 1 16 Feb 2013, 20:29
2008 Applicants - What is your post-mba career aspiration? 7 29 Jul 2007, 19:19
Display posts from previous: Sort by