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Would someone pls help to review my essay?

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Would someone pls help to review my essay? [#permalink] New post 23 Nov 2012, 04:23
I am a non-native English speaker and I am going to take GMAT soon. Please help to review my essay and your feedback is appreciated.

The following appeared in an Avia Airlines departmental memorandum:
"On average, 9 out of every 1,000 passengers who traveled on Avia Airlines last year filed a complaint about our baggage-handling procedures. This means that although some 1 percent of our passengers were unhappy with those procedures, the overwhelming majority were quite satisfied with them; thus it would appear that a review of the procedures is not important to our goal of maintaining or increasing the number of Avia's passengers."


The argument concludes that the review of the baggage-handling procedures is not significant to the goal of maintaining or increasing the number of Avia Airlines’s passengers. The author uses as evident that merely 1 percent of Avia’s passengers were unhappy with the baggage-handling procedures based on 9 out of 1,000 Avia’s passengers last year filed a complaint about those procedures. I do not find this argument to be well-reasoned as it is resting on several debatable assumptions.

First, the author made the assumption that merely 1 percent of Avia’s passengers were unhappy with the baggage-handling procedures. It may be true that only 9 out of 1,000 Avia’s passengers filed a complaint about the baggage-handling procedures. However, some passengers, who are dissatisfy with the baggage-handling procedures, may want to avoid trouble and did not file the complaint. Furthermore, it could be that 9 out of 1,000 complaints represents the proportion of complaint in one country or in a specific flight. Some countries may have higher number of complains out of 1,000 passengers.

Second, there exists the assumption that the passengers, who do not file the complaints, are satisfy with the Avia Airlines. Passengers do not make complaint does not mean they are satisfy. It could be that the airline does not provide a simple method for complaint, so the passengers do not know the method and feel complicated to make the complaint.

Third, the argument suggests that the number of Avia’s passengers can be maintained or increased as the rate of complaint on baggage-handling procedures is low. This is not the case. Airlines look at other considerations such as the safety, the comfort of flight, the service of the crew, or the route provided by the airlines, etc., to enhance their competiveness.

In conclusion, to strengthen this argument we need more information to substantiate the factors that affect the number of Avia’s passengers. In addition, the scope of complaint data should be in detail, for example, in geographical format, different timing, and flight details, etc. A survey, which can be easily completed by the passengers, is performed to investigate the satisfaction of the majority of Avia’s passengers. Finally, softening the wording in the original statement could strengthen the argument. The original sentence states, “thus it would appear that a review of the procedures is not important……” The wording could read, “thus it would appear that a review of the procedures may not be important……” In current status, the argument relies too heavily on unsupported assumptions to be convincing.
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Would someone pls help to review my essay?   [#permalink] 23 Nov 2012, 04:23
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Would someone pls help to review my essay?

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