Hi,
I will be writing the GMAT on Monday and like all test takers, I had left the AWA part for the last two days. Being a non-native speaker, I think this was a mistake and I am really stressed out about my AWA performance right now.
Anyway, I just wrote
MGMAT CAT 5 and did one AOA and one AOI. I was hoping if someone could kindly take out the time to rate my essays. In return, I will be really thankful
and show my appreciation by giving a KUDOS, be willing to do the same for you and also be ready to provide any other help in forms of tips or debriefs that may be requested.
I wrote this essay after having a look at chineseburned's template. Also, I ran out of time on the AOI and hence, had to contend with an abrupt ending.
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AOAESSAY QUESTION:
The following appeared in a science magazine:
“The “Space Race” of the 1960’s between the USA and Russia was very expensive but it yielded a tremendous number of technological advances. These advances have provided many economic and humanitarian benefits. The benefits have more than paid for the effort and money spent during the Space Race and therefore the government should make allowances within the budget to pay for a manned Mars landing by 2020.”
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.
YOUR RESPONSE:
The argument states that since the past space race of 1960 yielded numerous benefits, the government should allocate funds in its budget to sponsor a manned mission to Mars by 2020. The argument implies that such a mission to mars will result in benefits similar to those of the space race of 1960s. Stated in this way the argument is manipulating facts and presenting a distorted view of the situation. It is making a judgment based on assumptions for which there is no evidence. Furthermore, the argument fails to present important facts that can be used to evaluate it. Because of these reasons, the argument is weak and rather unconvincing.
Firstly, one of the premises of the arguments is that the space race of 1960s provided many economic and humanitarian benefits. However, the argument, fails to list even a single such benefit. The reader is left wondering what those benefits were and what their impact was. This lays the seeds of doubt in the mind of the reader and from this point onwards the argument's convincing powers start to wane. For instance, had the argument listed even a single important benefit that the space race provided, the reader would have found the argument much more convincing.
Secondly, the argument also mentions that even though the space race was expensive, its returns far outweighed the costs. Even if the reader ignores the fact that there is no mention of even a single example of a benefit, he or she would still be interested in knowing if the author of the argument had any statistics to prove his or her claims. In current times when the economy is not doing so well, the argument will not convince anyone without mentioning the amount of investment that was made on space programs of the 1960s and the amount of return that was generated via the benefits of the space race. Therefore, this is another vulnerability in the argument that it does not back up its claims of benefits exceeding the investment with any statistics or proof.
Finally, another mistake on part of the author of the argument is that he fails to provide any connection between the space race of 1960s and the future mission to mars. Even if the reader believes the argument's claims about the success of the space race, they would still realize that a success in the past does not guarantee a similar success in the future. The author does not mention how it would be ensured that a manned mission to mars would produce beneficial results. Moreover, there is no mention of the amount of investment needed or the return on these investments either. Without these details the argument fails to stand.
In conclusion, the argument failed to present the complete picture by omitting crucial evidence and making unfounded assumptions. It did not justify any of its claims. This left the argument vulnerable and unconvincing. Had it backed up its claims with solid proof in the form of facts including statistics and examples of past benefits, it would have been much more convincing. In its present form, the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to attack.
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AOIESSAY QUESTION:
"Employees always perform better when given a say in determining the boundaries of their roles within a company."
Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.
YOUR RESPONSE:
Some people believe that employees always perform better when their opinions are considered in determining the limits of their roles within an organization while others believe that determining the boundaries of employee roles should solely be the responsibility of the employer. The issue is debatable but a close scrutiny of facts reveals that employees do perform better when they have a say in deciding the limits of their roles. The following paragraphs will present reasons and examples in support of this approach.
The first obvious reason of such an approach is that it leads to increased employee motivation. An employee who knows that his opinion matters will feel much more committed to his job and organization. Not only would this lead to better employee retention but also would help in improving employee productivity. For instance a motivated employee would be willing to go the extra mile to achieve the targets of his or her organization. Moreover, since the employee knows that it was his or her opinion that helped shape his role, he would be much more inclined to produce results as he will not have any excuses if he fails to deliver. For example, a project engineer who had no say in deciding the scope of a certain project that was thrust upon him by his superiors may come up with an excuse that the project was not successful because the engineer had to waste time on doing tasks that were useless and diminished his productivity. This problem would not arise with an approach the includes the opinions of employees before assigning them with responsibilities.
Secondly, an employee who has contributed towards planning and outlining his role in a certain organization will clearly have a better interest in his job. It is logical that during the planning phase the employee would indicate what his interests are. If the employer agrees to shape the employee's role in such a way that some of his or her interests are included, it would go a long way in ensuring his or her committment towards the job. A person who is doing what interests him is obviously much more productive and efficient than a person who is doing something he or she does not enjoy.
Perhaps, the biggest advantage of such an approach for both the employers and the employees is that it improves communication within the organization. For example whenever the employee and his boss would sit down and decide about the employee's role, this meeting would provide many benefits. Apart from the earlier mentioned benefit of increased employee motivation and retention leading to increased productivity, it would allow the employer to capture valuable employee feedback. A senior manager may get a helpful business suggestion during such a meeting. The implementation of that suggestion will lead to an increased employee satisfaction and hence, increased employee productivity.
In conclusion, if employers inculcate employee suggestions in determing the boundaries of their roles, then employee productivity is increased and this brings about a lot of benefits for the organization.
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Any feedback in terms of rating as well as any other help information will be REALLY appreciated!
Thanks a lot!!!