How Personal is Too Personal?

By - Oct 18, 06:30 AM Comments [0]

The personal statement serves as a terrific opportunity to share with admissions committees an interesting and unique aspect of your life. How much should you tell, and how much is too much?

When I applied to college, I wrote a personal statement describing some challenging family circumstances I’d had while growing up. I can still remember my best friend warning me that it was too risky, too intense. So I went back to the essay and asked myself: What did I learn from this experience? Does it speak to my strengths and individual qualities, or is it something meant for a therapist’s office or a private journal?

I studied the essay carefully and made sure it gave the reader a good sense of who I really was, and that it wasn’t just about the people in my family. I was careful to focus on what I had learned from these challenges and how the experience had made me a more independent, compassionate person.

I decided to send it in, and I was lucky to get great responses. (In fact, one admissions counselor even wrote me a personal note!) So, in that case, taking the leap was well worth it. But, in some cases, it is not.

What are the adcoms looking for?

All admissions committees want to accept a wide range of interesting, talented applicants. They want – as you would, if you were picking a team of any sort – a diverse group of smart, motivated, innovative, and unique individuals who can come together to create an interesting, richly layered community. They want people with integrity who will get along with others, and they want people who will add to their campus in an endless variety of ways. They also want applicants who are stable and confident, and who have already achieved important things in their lives.

How do you choose a personal, but not too personal essay topic?

Prepare for your personal statement by listing all of the meaningful events in your life. Which experiences really changed you, influenced you, and made you the person you are today?

Good questions you may want to ask yourself include:

  • Did you grow up overseas?
  • Do you speak several languages?
  • Are you from a cultural background that might make you stand out or may have enriched your life in a special way?
  • Do you have a handicap that has in fact made you stronger?
  • Do you love to cook Thai food, run marathons, play the piano?
  • Do you have a passion or interest that might be unusual but gives meaning to your life?
  • What have you had to work really hard at?

Then, mark the ones that helped you learn what you want to do with your life, the ones that led you to clarify your values, even if they are very personal. Ask yourself: Do these experiences make me sound emotionally unstable, ambivalent, or insecure? If so, take them to a therapist, not the admissions committee! But, if your topic has helped you become stronger and wiser, then I’d consider it to be a viable option.

Tips for sharing personal stories

Here are a few tips to further help you determine if your personal statement is too personal or just right for displaying your inner truths and ambitions:

  1. Always be honest. Admissions committees can smell exaggeration from a mile away!
  2. Don’t give details about your current or past romantic relationships. This is an example of information you can share with your therapist or best friend, but not the adcom!
  3. Don’t focus your anecdotes on resentment, anger, or other feelings of ill-will – instead, focus on strength, recovery, and growth – in short, resilience.
  4. Emphasize what you learned. You should jump on all opportunities to discuss what you did or what you would like to do with that knowledge or experience, not just on what happened.

If you pass the above criteria, then I’d say go for it. Be yourself. Make it interesting. And tell the truth.

The expert advisors at Accepted can help you with your application essays, from choosing a topic (and making sure it’s an appropriate one!) to putting the final touches and making it ready to submit. Explore our Graduate Application Services and we’ll match you with a personal admissions coach who will help you GET ACCEPTED.


For 25 years, Accepted has helped applicants gain acceptance to top undergraduate and graduate programs. Our expert team of admissions consultants features former admissions directors, PhDs, and professional writers who have advised clients to acceptance at top programs worldwide including Harvard, Stanford, Yale, Princeton, Penn, Columbia, Oxford, Cambridge, INSEAD, MIT, Caltech, UC Berkeley, and Northwestern. Want an admissions expert to help you get Accepted? Click here to get in touch!

Related Resources:

• 5 Fatal Flaws to Avoid in Your Application Essays, a free guide
• Different Dimensions of Diversity, a podcast episode
• Proving Character Traits in Your Application Essays

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