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# Analysis of an issue! Some opinions please!

Author Message
Senior Manager
Joined: 30 Nov 2010
Posts: 257

Kudos [?]: 117 [0], given: 66

Schools: UC Berkley, UCLA

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17 Dec 2010, 13:33
“Employees should keep their private lives and personal activities as separate as possible from the workplace.”
Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

_____________________________________________

The statement above is a controversial issue, which cannot be taken lightly. All of us, as human beings need private lives and need to do personal activities. However, when it comes to the office I believe that these things must be kept out of the work place because it not only can put the work we do in jeopardy but also can put the lives of those we love in danger. I will explain my view in the coming paragraphs.

First, the office is a place where ideas are laid on the table, where there should be no limits, where creativity should not have any boundaries, with the exception of a few limitations, legally and morally speaking. These ideas are things that must be nurtured to build upon them. They can then provide answers to questions and solutions to problems. But, those workers who come up with these thoughts could be told that it wouldn’t work by those they love, or that these thoughts are wrong for subjective reasons, etc… We can take aspiring actresses for an example, these people dream of becoming one of Hollywood’s elite, but if these people are always told that it’s a dream that is simply too impossible to achieve these potentially brilliant artists will not be able to show the world a possible Oscar winning performance.

Second, private lives should be left as separate as possible from the work place because in some cases we could endanger the people we love, in some cases. Take for instance, a police officer, a detective, or a Federal agent. These people do their jobs so well that in some cases their work could sometimes become personal in that these people would let their personal lives almost mix with their work. Eventually, these people either lose their loved ones or ruin the cases they’re working on putting even more people in jeopardy.

Admittedly, these two elements are essential to one’s creativity. Meaning, some people are inspired by those that they are surrounded by and the activities they’re involved in. However, employees can be inspired by these things while keeping these elements out of the office.

In sum, although people need private lives and personal activities to remain human and to enhance their creativity, these private activities must remain separate from the working environment to keep the work people do objective and to ensure that the task that has been done has been done well.

Can someone give me their opinions on how I could improve on my essay writing skills, please? I would really appreciate it
_________________

Thank you for your kudoses Everyone!!!

"It always seems impossible until its done."
-Nelson Mandela

Kudos [?]: 117 [0], given: 66

Intern
Joined: 17 Oct 2005
Posts: 20

Kudos [?]: 2 [0], given: 0

Location: Bangalore, India

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17 Dec 2010, 13:44
I will evaluate the AWA essays in a "I liked-I wished" format.

I liked:

1. That you stuck to a "template"

2. That you wrote what was manageable within 30minutes without rambling too much.

3. That you gave examples.

I wished:

1. That you stuck to simple sentences.
eg. "First, the office is a place where ideas are laid on the table, where there should be no limits, where creativity should not have any boundaries, with the exception of a few limitations, legally and morally speaking." Not sure if anyone understood what you wanted to write.

2. Used simpler words to convey your thoughts.
"subjective reasons" ?? What is that?

Overall I would still rate it at a 4.5 out of 6!

Hope this helps,

Arun
_________________

http://www.crackverbal.com

Kudos [?]: 2 [0], given: 0

Manager
Status: AWA 5.5
Joined: 21 Nov 2010
Posts: 51

Kudos [?]: 240 [0], given: 5

Location: London, UnitedKingdom
Schools: LSE

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18 Dec 2010, 06:36
Feel free to mail me your AWA practice essays at anuj_kundarap@hotmail.c o m

I will rate them and provide comments about what you need to improve. Preferably send me .doc files only.

If you find this helpful, do give kudos freely!

Kudos [?]: 240 [0], given: 5

Senior Manager
Joined: 30 Nov 2010
Posts: 257

Kudos [?]: 117 [0], given: 66

Schools: UC Berkley, UCLA

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21 Dec 2010, 12:44
psychodementia wrote:
I will evaluate the AWA essays in a "I liked-I wished" format.

I liked:

1. That you stuck to a "template"

2. That you wrote what was manageable within 30minutes without rambling too much.

3. That you gave examples.

I wished:

1. That you stuck to simple sentences.
eg. "First, the office is a place where ideas are laid on the table, where there should be no limits, where creativity should not have any boundaries, with the exception of a few limitations, legally and morally speaking." Not sure if anyone understood what you wanted to write.

2. Used simpler words to convey your thoughts.
"subjective reasons" ?? What is that?

Overall I would still rate it at a 4.5 out of 6!

Hope this helps,

Arun

Thank you Arun!
_________________

Thank you for your kudoses Everyone!!!

"It always seems impossible until its done."
-Nelson Mandela

Kudos [?]: 117 [0], given: 66

Re: Analysis of an issue! Some opinions please!   [#permalink] 21 Dec 2010, 12:44
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