Manager
Joined: 08 Mar 2021
Posts: 73
Location: India
Concentration: Technology, Strategy
GMAT 1: 660 Q45 V35
GPA: 4
Are you feeling like a failure? Me too. Let's talk.
[#permalink]
26 Aug 2021, 11:33
"I am a failure."
"Why do you think so? Just because you didn't get what you wanted?"
"No, it's because I worked so hard for it and still didn't get it. There's something wrong with me for sure."
Nietzsche wrote in one of his several beautifully constructed mind-numbingly thoughtful essays that one who endures is the one who is worthy. So, why is that every time we fall short of achieving something or getting what we desired, we feel like a failure. Now, I am not saying that one cannot feel disappointment, dejection, frustration and sadness. One can and one should. Those are basic human emotions that have served us well in our survival. The only thing one shouldn't do is give up and start looking for ways to victimize oneself.
Carl Jung believed that failure moves one forward. It teaches one to make better mistakes and gain more knowledge by failing better. His definition of failure is more optimistic than that of the one who sits in the dark, slumped in the chair with closed tear-dried eyes and a heartbroken face. The difference in the definition is not due to differences in mental fortitude or even attitude but due to differences in perspective. The one sitting in the dark is still in the phase of mourning and is still not ready to get a grip of reality. Eventually, with some help, perspective will arrive and acceptance will come.
I have failed enough times in my life and have been in that phase more times than I care to even think about. But, after a good cry, you eventually do, painfully and reluctantly move on. The issue till now was that I have never tried to understand the pain. I just moved on - sometimes forcibly and sometimes distractedly. That's the mistake. Don't pile up your pain by shoving it in a certain corner of your brain. Try to understand it, treat it and eventually you might start to accept failure, not as an inevitable event that you fear but as an opportunity to learn.
I have been in depression for some time, not because I am a sadist or I victimise myself (though I question that a lot). I am just not happy and I struggle every day in pursuit of a better path to a less painful existence. Last year and a half have not been kind to most of us but at the same time, we all know people for whom it has been worse. Let that give you solace and make you feel a little bit okay. Life is tragic and it's a struggle one after the other and is at times completely pointless, but it's the only thing we have. It's very easy to just end the pain and pull the plugs out but that is not the point of existence. The point is to struggle. Feel the pain. Feel the worthlessness. Feel the sadness, the frustration and the constant sorrow. And while you do that, cherish the ephemeral moments of happiness.
Nobody's life is perfect. Everyone is struggling - some more than others. Now, here, my intention is not to paint life in a pessimistic view but in a realistic view and to provide a sense of semblance in the chaos that you hide behind those - "I am okay" eyes and formal smiles. This is to make one believe that the chaos that you feel is normal and it occurs because you have taken responsibility for your life. So, take it with both hands and struggle with it. That's what you are meant to do and if you can keep yourself sane for the most part of it, my dear friend, you will have a beautiful life.
Failure is never absolute and can never be attributed to you by anyone but you. Yeah, most of the time, if you aim high enough, you will fail, but that doesn't mean you should stop aiming high. Keep aiming high. Keep expecting failure, but even with that knowledge keep working towards it. And there's nothing wrong in trying something else. This isn't giving up, it just means that you want to select a different struggle. You might be the fish who is wasting its time trying to climb a tree. Swim.
I don't know if this is the correct place to put these thoughts, but I feel the topic should resonate with people struggling not only on the test but more specifically in life. It's a learning phase - now and forever. Embrace it. Let it destroy you and be born anew - greater or smaller but better.
Take help, if required. Talk to someone, open up, allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Stay safe.