Corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new busine

Prompt:
Corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new business opportunities or a new location. Even in the recent recession, Helios’s unemployment rate was lower than the regional average. It is the industrial center of the region, and historically it has provided more than its share of the region’s manufacturing jobs. In addition, Helios is attempting to expand its economic base by attracting companies that focus on research and development of innovative technologies.


Essay:
The author makes several flawed assumptions about the ability of the city of Helios to provide superior benefits for corporations. The argument of lower unemployment rates, creation of manufacturing jobs, and attracting R&D of innovative technologies is not well supported to conclude that Helios is the place companies should seek to move to.

The argument claims that during a recent recession, Helios' unemployment rates remained lower than the regional average. The author doesn't support this claim with other data to explain the level to which Helios's unemployment rate was so much lower. This ambiguity could lead one to think that Helio's unemployment rate was 1% or .0001% lower than the region. The reader would be unable to conclude the significance of Helios' low unemployment rate for corporations. The low unemployment rate could mean the city may not have enough workers seeking employment for corporations interested in relocating to Helios.

Furthermore, this low level of unemployment is not clearly caused by Helio's manufacturing jobs. Although the argument claims Helios provides more than its share of manufacturing jobs, the reader cannot accurately conclude the causality of increased manufacturing jobs leading to low unemployment. The author could provide more data to support how much manufacturing jobs make up the employed and available jobs in Helios. The argument also does not support how manufacturing jobs could attract various businesses to Helios. There are many other sectors of the economy that may not be supported by manufacturing workers.

Lastly, attracting companies pursuing R&D in innovative technologoes does not provide a clear benefit to corporations to move to Helios. The argument doesn't state how Helios is trying to attract companies. That could be as simple as cold calling or be more elaborate attempts to court them by offering tax incentives. Also it is unclear how benefitial Helios pursuing R&D companies is to all corporations.

The conclusion lacks clear supporting evidence on why Helios is the city corporations should look to. The arguments made could be strengthened with supporting evidence and a larger context of how the claims made support the conclusion.

stepharr - It is a well-written passage, but you must most definitely allocate a minimum of 2-3 min to proofread your writing. I see a couple of spelling mistakes such as technologies and benefits. Also, you must work on the few grammar and style issues to get a perfect 6. As written, this essay could fetch you a 5 on the GMAT but it has room for improvement.

Thanks for your feedback DisciplinedPrep.

Hi

Although it is a well-written task, I am going to talk about some errors that I have found here:

Opening para
1.The spelling ‘technologies’
2. Some readers might object to a preposition at the end of a sentence. If possible, consider rewarding the sentence. (move to)

Para two
1. The word ‘low’ appears repeatedly in this para.

Para three
1.The last line of this para may be considered wordy. You can write: Many other sectors of the economy may

Last four
1. The last line of this para needs a comma after the introductory word also.
2.The spellings technologies, beneficial

Thank You

Prompt:
Corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new business opportunities or a new location. Even in the recent recession, Helios’s unemployment rate was lower than the regional average. It is the industrial center of the region, and historically it has provided more than its share of the region’s manufacturing jobs. In addition, Helios is attempting to expand its economic base by attracting companies that focus on research and development of innovative technologies.

Essay:
In the article, magazine presents a conclusion that the corporations should shift to Helios to seek new business opportunities. The argument is potentially flawed and considers several unwarranted and untenable assumptions that fail to credit its validity.
Firstly, the argument states that the corporations should shift their operations to Helios to look for new business opportunities. This is an ambiguous and vague statement, since no evidence has been stated to support this conclusion. Additionally, it does not the type of the corporations that it intends to target and utterly fails to explain the reason behind this conclusion. For example, for an information technology corporation, Helios would not be a likely city to seek new opportunities, as Helios is an industrial town. To be clearer, the argument should present evidence about the type of corporations it plans to attract, which right now remain obscure.
Secondly, the argument unjustifiably uses vague words to reach to untenable assumptions that have far reaching conclusions. It presumably states that the unemployment in Helios is lower than the regional average. Nowhere, the argument presents the actual data and facts to support this statement. It might be that regional unemployment average rate is, for example, 20 percent and unemployment rate in Helios is 19%, which makes Helios no better than other regional towns in terms of unemployment rates. Additionally, the argument also vaguely describes that Helios has contributed significantly in the region’s job market. This apparently is a failed statement which cannot be verified in the absence of any job data. The statement could be strengthened, if more details about the number of jobs in the city are made available. Failing to present these evidences, the argument is ostensibly exposed to failure.
Finally, the argument unclearly states that the city is attempting to attract R&D focused companies without presenting a sounding reason to do so. Since Helios is an industrial town and primary job skill set available would be unskilled or semi-skilled. The R&D companies, which are primarily focused on the research and development activities, require substantially higher skilled workforce than the ones available in the city. Non availability of a required skill set is detrimental to a company’s growth prospect and might play against the city’s attempt to attract these companies. Any additional information such as presence of a prestigious university in the town could help to strengthen the argument.
Because the argument leaves out several key issues, it is neither sound nor persuasive. If it included the key suggestions discussed above rather than solely focusing on the unjustifiable claims, the argument would have been more thorough and convincing.

Your awa is great I like your awa

The following appeared as part of an article in a magazine devoted to regional life:
“Corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new business opportunities or a new location. Even in
the recent recession, Helios’s unemployment rate was lower than the regional average. It is the industrial center of
the region, and historically it has provided more than its share of the region’s manufacturing jobs. In addition, Helios
is attempting to expand its economic base by attracting companies that focus on research and development of
innovative technologies.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
**************************************************************
The statement articulated in magazine though seems persuasive but lacks certain essentials to successfully implement the plan and thus the argument is flawed.
Firstly, the article is recommending corporations in general to city Helios and does not specify what kind of domain ? Further, it does not explicitly provides information on what kind of avenues are available for exploiting by corporations. Secondly, we do not know what is the strength of the population of Helio and comparatively to which other cities the unemployment rate is low. There is a possibility that the population is less and thus the unemployment rate. Also, no information is provided about the general skill set of people in the city which is crucial in deciding the type of investment will be attracted. Thirdly if the region is an industrial center and provides more share on manufacturing jobs, why the city is keen to promote R & D of innovative technologies? Additionally, what kind of technologies they anticipate to invest in the city and what all subsidies/ offers are going to part of the invitation is not clear.
It is clear that the article is vague and not substantiated with facts considered necessary for the successful implementation of the proposal or expected outcome.

Your awa is so well written, I wish I could write one like yours.

Can anyone review my attempt too:


The argument urges the prospective investors looking to expand their businesses to consider the city of Helios as their new business location. The author, clearly enamored by Helios’s success in keeping unemployment rate under control amidst recent recession, focuses on the city’s long-standing fame as an industrial hub and potential economic base. On the face of it, the argument sounds convincing and reliable, yet some key factors associated with its underlying assumptions demand critical evaluation.
First of all, the author mentions the city of Helios’s unemployment rate during the recent recession was lower than the regional average. Stated in this way, the argument conveys information about the employment scenario, a very important indicator of economic health of an area, in the vaguest term possible. For example, if the region where Helios is situated is experiencing the greatest unemployment rate in the country, then simply having a rate lower than the regional average in no way can be cited as positive side of a potential business location. Clearly, the author’s inability or unwillingness to provide any evidence or numerical data supporting the fact that the unemployment rate in Helios is the one of the lowest in the country makes the argument anything but convincing.
The author’s emphasis on the city of Helios’s established recognition as the industrial center and supplier of many manufacturing jobs may actually disappoint many businesses to come to this city. Modern industries require human resource who are trained not only for mundane labor work, but for advanced technological operation too. To illustrate, many renowned industrial centers, situated at the bank of a river, are now nothing more than a historical ruin. However, the author mentions neither the skill sets of the residents of Helios nor the types of industries where most of the people of Helios currently work. Information about these aspects could have made the argument much clear and considerable.

Another problematic view endorsed in the argument is that it presupposes the plan to expand Helios’s economic base by attracting companies involved in the research and development of innovative technologies would be a wise and successful one. Given the population specialized in manufacturing jobs, however, this is quite an ambitious claim. General trends indicate that companies spread their operations in locations that can ensure a pool of talented and experienced locals. Not surprisingly, this is the reason why Silicon Valley or the tech-city of Bangalore were created at the first place. Consequently, without any supporting evidence that such tech companies can find their required skilled workforce from the city of Helios, the author’s claim is mere a leap of faith rather than a substantive one.
In conclusion, although the argument has some merits on its own, it has made some unsupported assumption and expressed an oversimplified view. To strengthen the argument, the author must show numerical data comparing Helios’s unemployment rate to other financially strong regions and provide defined skillset of Helios’s current residents. Moreover, the argument has to prove Helios’s strength in all aspects besides historical fame to establish the city as a potential business location.

Sorry to interupt, but it does not sound like a GMAT type writting question?

Q: Prompt: “Corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new business opportunities or a new location. Even in the recent recession, Helios’s unemployment rate was lower than the regional average. It is the industrial center of the region, and historically it has provided more than its share of the region’s manufacturing jobs. In addition, Helios is attempting to expand its economic base by attracting companies that focus on research and development of innovative technologies.”

Essay Format

The argument claims that Corporation should turn to their new business hub as Helios City citing several reasons. Also he has argued that Helios city is currently expanding its base by attracting investments in R&D sectors. Stated in such a way, the argument is not clearly stated which puts the premise under questioning on several factors. The argument being weak is unsupportive, presents the facts in a distorted way and is a leap of faith reasoning without clear outcomes which could have been explained in a better way.

First the author suggests that since Helios is having a low unemployment rate, the companies should consider the city as a new business centre. Presented in such a way is a farce as lower unemployment rate is directly proportional with low employment rate. The author fails to provide substantiative reasons as to why a low employment rate must be considered as an opportunity to the corporations. A lower employment also indicates to the facts that people are less technically advanced as compared to other city. Also on contrary, a city with high unemployment rate, would mean that there may be much larger employing opportunity to corporations with lower labour charges. Therefore having proper informations over the view that lower unemployment rate is an opportunity to bigger corporation remains baffling for the readers.

Second, the author also suggest that Helios city being industrial hub, has historically provided more region’s manufacturing job. However the author fails to cite any example along with relevant factsheet of any business expanding in suburb of the Helios city. A well developed industrial city has lots of MSME’s in its suburb flourishing day and night. Moreover, the author fails to quote any relevant example of growing real estate cost or the tax incentives if any offered by the city or ease of business opportunities. Unless stated in such a way, the argument remains more of a wishful thought than a clearly evaluated arguments.

Third, the author has also stated that the city is attempting to expand its economic base by attracting companies that focus on research and development of innovative technologies. This again is flawed statement as to expand R&D sectors, there should be clearly mentioning of the budgetary allocation to the segment or the infrastructure or the investment in any educational hubs, without which it is of no use.

Finally, the major flaw in the suggestion that by merely jumping on judgement by a cursory review of the facts should not be encouraged as it contains flaws, which can be very well understood from above piece of hypothesis in the argument.

In conclusion, the argument remains flawed for the reasons cited above. The author should present facts corroborated with relevant facts and developments if any. From the idea of low unemployment rate, to the manufacturing status quo in the region, and an opportunity for research and development companies, the argument provides no necessary details to substantiate the claim. In order to access the merit of the certain situation the author should have full access of the knowledge and measures to increase the same. Without this information the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.

Good luck

The following appeared as part of an article in a magazine devoted to regional life:
“Corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new business opportunities or a new location. Even in
the recent recession, Helios’s unemployment rate was lower than the regional average. It is the industrial center of
the region, and historically it has provided more than its share of the region’s manufacturing jobs. In addition, Helios
is attempting to expand its economic base by attracting companies that focus on research and development of
innovative technologies.”
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and
the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions
underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can
also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would
make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

ESSAY

The argument claims that corporations seeking new business opportunities or a new location should look to the city of Helios. The arguments cites that since, the unemployment rate of Helios was lower than the regional average during the recent recession, and the share of the region's manufacturing jobs provided by Helios is more than its capacity, the above said is true. Stated this way the argument manipulates facts and displays a distorted view of the situation. The conclusion relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Hence the argument is unconvincing and has several flaws.

First, the author claims that the unemployment rate of Helios was lower than the regional average during the recent recession. However, stating the above, the argument does not clarify about the number of jobs that the city has to offer versus the number of eligible candidates seeking jobs prior to the recession. Correspondingly, we can say that, the city might actually have a dearth of jobs initially because of which the unemployment rate was lower than the regional average. For example, the city of Denver, which had the lowest unemployment rate in the recession of 2008, had the least number of jobs to offer prior to the recession. The argument would have been much clearer if it gave more information on how the city of Helios was performing, in the job market sector, prior to the recession.

Second, the argument assumes that since, historically, Helios has provided more than its share of the region's manufacturing jobs it still has the capacity to generate jobs (given the declining manufacturing sector and the upcoming technology and services sectors). The argument must provide some information to bolster the assumption. For example, the city of Michigan, once a world renowned name for the number of jobs it had to offer - given the booming Automotive sector - has little share in its region's job market. If the argument had provided evidence that the city of Helios is still competent with respect to the share of jobs it creates, the argument would have been much more convincing.

In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts such as : how was the job market in the city of Helios fairing prior to the recession (quoted), and what is the current state of the job market in the City of Helios. In order to assess the merits of a certain situation, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors. Without this information the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.

Good Luck

Hi, can anyone here rate my essay?

The argument claims that corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new business opportunities or a new location to conduct business as the unemployment rate is low in the region and lately, the focus of the city has been to attract companies that focus on research and development. Stated in this way, the argument has failed to mention several key considerations necessary to evaluate it. Further, the argument relies on assumptions, the evidence for which are unstated. Hence, the argument appears to be flawed for the reasons stated below.

First, the argument states when seeking new when seeking new business opportunities or a new location to conduct business, the corporations should look at the city of Helios as even in the recent recession, the unemployment rate was lower than the regional average. There appears to be no rationale though process by the author behind linking new business opportunities and the low unemployment rate. For instance, there could be a possibility that since Helios is an already established business hub, the number of jobs available is fixed and the people occupying those jobs are content and happy and hence there have been relatively no major changes in the unemployment rate. Further, the author has not provided concrete evidence as to which types of industries are thriving in Helios. For example, Helios could be a major advantage to the manufacturing industries due to availability of vast natural resources but not an ideal place for a company in the tourism industry. If the author had provided statistical data along with trends and more background on Helios, the suggestion/recommendation stated could have been explored further.

Second, the author has stated that Helios is the industrial center of the region and historically it has provided more than its share of the region’s manufacturing jobs. Again, this statement is clearly flawed as there appears to be no direct link between the author’s recommendation of corporations to move to Helios to conduct their business and Helios providing more manufacturing jobs than any other city in the region. It could be a possibility that Helios is an ideal hub only for corporations in the manufacturing or production of goods industry and hence there is a higher percentage of manufacturing jobs in the region. Other regions could be a hub to various other service industries like tourism, financial services, start-ups, etc. If the author had provided evidence on segregation of top industries occupying various regions around Helios, the argument could have been strengthened and the author’s recommendation could have been considered for further evaluation.

Finally, the author has stated that the Helios is attempting to expand its economic base by attracting companies that focus on research and development of innovative technologies. This statement fails to answer key questions such as if the government of Helios will provide of tax-breaks to companies under the research and development of innovative technologies industry, if there are adequate resources like skilled manpower available in the region to support the said companies, information on the political and financial stability of the region and so on. Without convincing answers to these questions, one is left with an impression that the suggestion is a mere wishful thinking rather than a well-devised plan to consider.

In conclusion, the argument is deeply flawed for the above mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author had mentioned all relevant facts and evidence. In order to assess the merits of a certain situation, it is necessary to have a well round knowledge of all the contributing factors. In this particular case, without the necessary key information, evidence, statistical evidence and trends, the argument is open to debate.

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Hello - if anyone is willing to briefly assess my first AWA practice attempt, it would be greatly appreciated

Response

The argument provided to convince corporations to consider Helios as a place to do future business or expand into, is inadequate in several ways. Firstly, the premises given to sell organizations on the prospect are concerningly vague with no supporting statistical evidence. Secondly, the argument is missing critical information that corporations would need to make a significant decision such as whether to expand into a new city. Finally, the argument provides a course of action – expanding its economic base – without any information as to how this will be achieved. These three concerns will be elaborated on and then some recommendations will be provided that would help strengthen the argument for Helios and allow corporations to make this type of commitment.

For prospective corporations weighing the utility of expanding business into Helios, knowing information about the city such as unemployment rates is relevant. However, the argument fails to contextualize the unemployment rates of both Helios and the region, in general. What if the regional rates are extremely high compared to other regions, and the rate of Helios is only slightly lower? If so, this offers little value. Oppositely, if the regional unemployment rate is lower than other regions, then a much better argument can be made for Helios. Context is critical when discussing statistical evidence.

The second issue with the argument pertains to missing information. While the unemployment rate discussed, despite lacking specific details, would be useful for a company deciding whether to expand into Helios, the argument failed to provide any other relevant economic justification. Depending on the economic situation in Helios, providing details such as cost of living, wages, or city tax credits and incentives for new businesses would be valuable. The decision to move to a new city must make financial sense for corporations, and additional details would allow for these corporations to better evaluate the opportunity.

The final issue with the argument is the premise that the city is looking to attract research and development (R&D) firms to the region in order to expand its economic base. Though wise to mention, more information is necessary. The argument leaves out any plan of action in place to achieve this goal. Even a brief outline of what conditions exist that could ensure these firms would be successful, would help. For example, does Helios have a talent pool available that could staff these R&D organizations, or is Helios predominantly a blue-collar city? As the argument states that Helios is a manufacturing hub, the individuals with the specialized backgrounds needed to work at R&D organizations may tend to leave the city to seek employment opportunities elsewhere. This creates a major barrier to achieving this objective.

Overall, though Helios may be a suitable location for corporations looking to expand, the argument does not do a sufficient job of convincing the reader. A few approaches could be utilized to fix this problem. Regarding the first two issues discussed, specific evidence about the economic benefits of doing business in Helios is needed, rather than vague statements. If organizations can reduce expenses and increase profits, this information must be featured. Regarding the R&D expansion attempt of Helios, a feasibility analysis would be beneficial. The analysis could be used to effectively relay why these efforts are likely to succeed, rather than simply stating that an attempt is being made. Too much is at stake for corporations looking to make decisions about expansion; statements of intent will not suffice. These efforts outline should make the argument for Helios as a potential destination more appealing.

As discussed, the argument provided is insufficient as it stands. Despite some important considerations being introduced, minimal assurance was provided. The undefined “lower” unemployment rate exemplified this issue. Any corporations contemplating such a business opportunity would need more relevant evidence and details to commit to such a significant decision. Therefore, any short or long-term financial benefits of doing business in Helios should be provided, along with the proposed feasibility analysis. Demonstrating these for prospective businesses would strengthen the argument for Helios and allow organizations to better assess the opportunity.

Word Count: 676

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