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Evaluate my PTE Essay

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User avatar
Status: Work hard in silence, let success make the noise
Joined: 25 Nov 2013
Posts: 126
Location: India
Concentration: Finance, General Management
GMAT 1: 540 Q50 V15
GMAT 2: 640 Q50 V27
GPA: 3.11
WE: Consulting (Computer Software)
Evaluate my PTE Essay  [#permalink]

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New post 07 May 2015, 00:05
I am targetting a score of 80+ in all the modules of PTE. Can anyone evaluate if the below essay could score 80 in PTE writing?

You will have 20 minutes to plan. write and revise an essay about the topic below. Your response will be judged on how well you develop a position. organize your ideas. present supporting details. and control the elements of standard written English. You should write 200-300 words.
Tobacco, mainly in the form of cigarettes, is one of the most widely-used drugs in the world. Over a billion adults legally smoke tobacco every day. The long term health costs are high - for smokers themselves, and for the wider community in terms of health care costs and lost productivity.
Do governments have a legitimate role to legislate to protect citizens from the harmful effects of their own decisions to smoke, or are such decisions up to the individual?

It has often been debated whether it is the responsibility of the government to protect its citizens from the consumption of harmful drugs such as Tobacco or it should be left to the individuals to decide for themselves.

Some people believe that nations across the world must take some steps in protecting their citizens from the harmful effects of smoking. This will be beneficial for both the people and the government. For the people, it will lead to increased productivity as well as increased life expectancy. For the government, this will help to reduce the health care costs and this saved money can be utilized for the development of public services such as libraries and sports centers. This can be achieved by banning advertisements promoting cigarettes, imposing fines and penalties on the people found smoking and increasing taxes on such products to limit their consumption.

Whereas, others argue that the decision to smoke must be left to the individuals. As people around the world are educated, they can make decisions for the betterment of themselves and their family. We all live in a free society and we have the choice to smoke or even to consume alcohol. For some, this helps to relieve their stress and helps them to concentrate at work.

In conclusion, for the good of the society, the government must take some steps forward to curb smoking from our society.
Sahil Chaudhary
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Evaluate my PTE Essay   [#permalink] 07 May 2015, 00:05
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