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Re: Family + Post-MBA Career = Oil + Water [#permalink]
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A friend of mine who finished his MBA from Chicago GSB in 2007 has been working at McKinsey in NYC for local customers only. He/his wife had twins in the fall of 2007 and he negotiated for something with no (or absolute minimal) travel so he could spend more time with the kids. He still worked long hours (8a-9p) but came home at night. Not sure how easy that is to do, not sure what impact it has on salary but just throwing it out there as another idea to explore...

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Re: Family + Post-MBA Career = Oil + Water [#permalink]
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Wow, this probably has to be one of the best topics I've ever read on the forum! But people talk about so many issues that it's hard to follow...

Morris, first of all I admire you for being so open and honest about your problems and issues - even though it's an anonymous forum that took some courage).

I won't even try to equal the quality of the previous posts, which are way out of my league - congrats terp, river (even though you 2 disagree), pelihu, etc - but here's a couple of thoughts anyway (sorry if these points have already been mentioned):

Spending time with your family and privileging life quality over money is very respectable (you could almost be European! :-D ). However, I have a hard time believing that an MBA grad, even when he's working in GM (which is supposedly the lightest option in terms of hours), will be working less than 60 hours per week. I might be completely wrong (please correct me if I am), but I don't see a company paying you an MBA salary for a 9 to 5 job. Therefore you have to have a clear vision on the amount of time you are willing to spend at work (more of that below).

Also, I am the kind of person that thinks that an MBA from a school outside the top 20 (and I'm being large here) is pretty much useless. Might as well read the books. Why lose 2 years of your time and money (don't forget to count the salary you won't be earning anymore) for a school with limited possibilities? I don't know OU at all, but if I were you i would seriously inspect the possibilities that the school offers you in terms of employment. I'm not convinced that they will be able to provide you with the type of salary that you would expect after 2 years of inactivity (even with a free ride). But again, I don't know, and it's something you have to seriously look into.

Finally - and probably most importantly - you have to be very clear with yourself and your wife. Choose a path that satisfies both of you, talk about its consequences (in terms of hours, lifestyle, etc) and stick to it. Nobody should be making sacrifices that they aren't ready to make. I think these kind of decisions should be taken very seriously, without over-the-moon expectations (like earning 120k and being home by 6; unless you're in S&T) and everybody has to understand the consequences; but once a decision is taken that satisfies both of you, everybody has to stick to the plan. It's by far the most important step in the whole process. Much easier said than done though.

With your profile and your expectations, I would look at either part-time (probably your best option all things considered) or full-time with 3 years of sacrifice at work, like Terp (I think) mentioned. In both cases you should be looking at a top 20 school (if you get scholarships more power to you). I personally wouldn't even give a second thought to OU - but that's a personal opinion. Or even, don't do an MBA at all. But that depends on how much you want to change careers / boost your current career (I don't know your background), what potential there is in your current career without an MBA, how happy you are with your job, etc.

One last thing: during the MBA, you'll be home much more than you think. It's not a massive sacrifice in terms of time. It can be if you want to, but it is as busy as you want it to be. You won't be the first guy going for an MBA with a family. However, it's a give-and-take thing: don't expect to go out every night like some students do.

Anyway, sorry for the poor quality of the writing, but I do hope that it helps!


PS: this must be a cultural difference (or an education cost issue), but I really have a hard time understanding the home-school principle: all the (small) benefits that you gain from that are heavily outweighed by the inconveniences IMO (but that's just an opinion from somebody who doesn't know the US of course)
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Re: Family + Post-MBA Career = Oil + Water [#permalink]
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Maybe i can give an alternative perspective... 34 with 2 kids, crappy undergrad but worked my way up and always managed to have a sustained work-life balance. I've NEVER done an 80 hour week, probably the most i've ever done is a 60 hour week. Family balance is also imperative to me and finding that balance along with career choice is the key. Blasting away debt quickly is not necessary the way to go. To give a quick summary of my career.

1995-97 - Graduated - took easy jobs so that I could focus on music career ($12k pa - 37.5 hours per week)
1997 - relocated to London, took jobs to pay rent ($26k - 37.5 hours per week)) - switched departments due to high performance
1998 - changed company for pay rise ($42k - 45 hours per week (2 hours per day commute) = 55 hours per week)
1999 - changed company due to commute ( $50k - 37.5 hours per week)
2000 - $68k (37.5 hours)
2001 - $72k (37.5 hours) - bought house for $380k
2002 - $75k (37.5 hours) - got married
2003 - relocated to Tokyo as independent consultant $120k (with approx 3 months vacations during that year) - 37.5 hours per week.. I billed by the day, and i specifically put 7.5 hours per day in the contract.
Kids born 2005 and 2008

Not stellar money, however money was never my goal and as you can probably see from the working hours, a good balance is what I've always targeted. However, one advantage i did have, due to the musical aspirations, whenever I went out, it was usually to DJ and I would get lots of free beers and a bit of cash.
In terms of recommendation, all I can say is that moving abroad was important mostly because the wife was on an ex-patriot package as an international teacher which helped to subsidise overhead costs such as rent. Plus the hours we worked meant we could spend a lot of time together and give lots of time for the kids. As such I have a huge compilation of videos of my childrens upbringing, our interactions and treasured moments of fun, something which we can share together. That's something a succesful career cannot buy. So for me the MBA is all about giving me options in targetting a path i want to tread.

Things like eating at expensive restaurants are not a concern for me, i prefer to cook, and to be honest, I can cook just as well as a lot of good restaurants, if not better (parents have a background in catering).. plus I enjoy it, and its certainly cheaper than constantly eating at fine dining places. (e.g. people pay through the nose for Fois Gras, but its half the price to buy it and cook it yourself... and it's not difficult and you can make it suit your tastes moreso than a restaurant) furthemore, learning to cook good quality meals can be fun to do with the family and trains a great skill.

The other thing to look at, if quality of life is an issue, is relocating to another country where you could increase QOL on a lower salary. It's one of the main reasons a lot teachers go into international school teaching... fully paid apartments with maids and drivers, private healthcare and plush apartments... basic salary may not be great, but expenses are extremely low and lifestyle is extremely high. Have you considered moving abroad to do your MBA? I took my family with me to Hong Kong to do mine (wife not working).. one advantage of this, is she is now integrating into the ex-pat community and helping me to find networks which are not accessible through regular B-school networks.
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Re: Family + Post-MBA Career = Oil + Water [#permalink]
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My expectations of top level GM positions, or being a financial executive (Treasurer, Business CFO) for a F500 company in Industry is that work will likely be in the 60+ hrs per week, which I don't think is too bad considering the more laid back cultures outside of banking and consulting. That seems to be what the sub C level execs are doing at my firm, at least.

The one key thing I think a lot of you guys are forgetting are
1) The importance of corporate culture where you go to work. GE is going to be a different environment than say Abbott Labs. You think fit is important in an MBA? It's just as if not more important at work.

2) I think the argument that "you can never become a C level exec at these firms without a top tier MBA" is completely flawed. No one here has even brought up the concept of individual ability and achievement. Working 80 hours a week and sacrificing your family time is not going to automatically make your career dreams come true. You have to be good, saavy, and networked well to make it work. I think what we see is that the top tier MBA programs (well especially Kellogg, my #1) foster that kind of thinking.

At the end of the day Morris, no one here is going to have the answer for you. I think there is a lot to be said for evaluating what you want out of life and deciding what you are willing to sacrifice or settle for. The benefit of a top tier MBA in my opinion, is that it opens the doors to dip your toe into anything if you want.

I'm married and my wife is going to be a doctor, and we would be looking at debt close to 300k when I graduate from B School. Some people look at me like I'm crazy for not signing the dotted line to becoming a live at home Dad. I may do that someday if it makes sense or our Kids need me to, but I would consider a Kellogg MBA an achievement that I couldn't have dreamed of when I was in high school, and I'm doing this just as much for personal goals and educational achievement as anything else.

In a nutshell - what does your MBA and Career mean to you in light of everything else? There are always trade-offs, but I think a top tier MBA creates the most options.
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Re: Family + Post-MBA Career = Oil + Water [#permalink]
That's a great idea. I think it would definitely work (provided I could land one of the coveted IB jobs of course). My only hesitation with that is she's already endured 4 years of part-time law school where she saw me hardly at all. No kids the first 2.5 years of law school which helped, but she said she felt like a widow most of the year and then the 2 weeks of finals came and she never saw me so she really did feel like a widow then. It would be hard for me to ask that of her for another 4 years (2 in school and 2 out of school).

It also makes sense that the GM jobs would like me to have that IB experience if I can get it. If we lived frugally, I think an IB job could pay off every single education loan we have in about 2 -3 years, or at least make them manageable after 2 years so the GM salary would go much further. Plus, if we didn't live like we had tons of money, the pay cut from IB to GM wouldn't sting as badly.

terp - that's a great idea.
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Re: Family + Post-MBA Career = Oil + Water [#permalink]
riverripper wrote:
If you look at what some of the big name GM companies pay its in the low 100s, vs 120ish for consulting so its not the hugest of difference. Yes the sign on bonuses may not be as large and year end bonuses at both GM and consulting will be far less than IB...depending on who you work for GM and MC bonuses could be similar. However, GM and marketing jobs are commonly located in areas where the cost of living is far far less. So a 100k salary in a medium sized city in the midwest is definitely going to go a lot further than 120k+ in NYC, Boston, SF, Chicago, LA etc.


When considering the above statement, please make sure you look at the whole track - 5 years, 10 years out rather than just starting salaries. This will vary wildly among GM and Marketing positions, and even Consulting positions outside of M/B/B. $20,000 and cost of living differentials are both peanuts if you have the potential to be making $500K-$1M within 5-10 years. Everyone may not want or need that compensation level, but the career track is certainly something to consider if that is what you desire down the line.

Where will you be in your career 3-5 years after a top consulting job? What level will you exit to industry at after 3 years at McKinsey? Where will you be 3 years out if you decide to hop right into a GM role? Please consider all of these things. Hint: People don't join McKinsey because they love $120K/year and a brutal travel schedule.
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Re: Family + Post-MBA Career = Oil + Water [#permalink]
riverripper wrote:
How much do you owe now...will your wife be working while you are in school. If you owe 100k and your wife wont be working then you are talking 250k work of loans which is A LOT.

Without stating publicly exactly how much I owe, lets say it will be in the A LOT category. I have no problem living on next to nothing. We're essentially doing that now. It's tough, but it's not unbearable. We don't (or want to) dine at Cut. The Hollywood club scene is not enticing. I'm a simple grill my own steak kind of guy. I have no doubt that with an IB job, I could have zero school debt after 2 -3 years. Even if after 2 years I did have some debt, it would ne so small that I wouldn't think twice about it. I've done the math and if I can make $120k a year, even in a large city with higher cost of living, I'll be able to pay all bills and live comfortably. Not much margin for error, but comfortably.

riverripper wrote:
GM and Marketing areas hours are going to be more like lawyer hours (judging by people I know on both sides)....There are a lot more options than you probably realize, many of them just are very uncommon on a few percent of students choose to go for them a year.


In a prior thread pelihu stated that he liked the idea of working mad hours, but at least being in the same city each night and in his own bed (when not working all night). I like that too. I don't like the idea of just not being at home like MC would require. If the work like crazy options works out, then I would have to kill myself to get an IB job. Scary thing is, what will the economy be like in 2 years? There are many things that must go well to get an IB internship, then an offer. 1) Get accepted to great school with good IB placement. 2) Network like crazy to get IB internship 3) Impress the IB so I get a job offer 4) If no job offer, network like crazy 2nd year to get job with IB post-MBA. 5) Handle the stress and all that goes with an IB job for 2 -3 years. 6) Leave IB for a more family-friendly job and reintroduce myself to my family.

I am not scared to do the work, I just don't want to be debt free and single with Child Support payments.

riverripper wrote:
You will make more friends than you can imagine as soon as you arrive at school. I have been here for only two weeks and trust me we have met more great people than we thought we would during the two whole years. Talking to alums everyone says they made their closest friends during their MBA, much more so than even undergrad. Based on my immediate experiences, your wife will also find her fit and if you go to the right school for the two you, she will love it as much as you. I actually think my wife is having more fun than I am at this point.

I think this too. And it's not like my friends here in Oklahoma are going to never speak to us again.
riverripper wrote:
Dont be so sure about not needing a top tier MBA in some of the GM level positions. Judging by what I am looking at the top companies in their fields hire relatively few new fulltime MBAs compared to medium size banks and consulting companies. Outside of some mega companies like GE they dont bring many in. If you look at where they recruit and hire its they still only at top schools and top regional schools (McCombs, UNC, Emory etc.)

What I mean by GM and the regional MBA is not for a huge company. I"m talking about Devon Energy here in OKC, or Chesapeake Energy also in OKC. Or OG&E (power company for Oklahoma), or any number of other smaller energy/oil companies here. If I go regional here, I would even love to work for the new NBA team. Some would say I would have to set my sights lower, and I agree with that to a certain extent, but I characterize it more as setting my sights differently rather than lower. Sure, I wouldn't know if I could get the IB jobs, or MC or all the other very highly competitive jobs, but in the end it would have been my choice to not try for them. I have to decide if telling myself it was my choice will keep me from resenting the fact that I never did actually try.

riverripper wrote:
In my opinion only a few things would really work for you. 1. FT to a top school. 2. FT to a top 10-20 but full or significant ride 3. PT especially if your company pays...maybe moving towards one of the big name programs like Chicago or Kellogg either doing weekends or getting a job in that area.

A full ride from Ross or Duke might make more sense to you than paying your way to Kellogg or Wharton.

I agree a full-ride to a top 10-20 would certainly make it easier. My wife will not be working. She's a teacher with 3 years of experience and now designs, sews, and sells girls clothing from newborn to about 7 years old. We've looked at her potential income as a teacher and it hardly offsets the price we'd pay for quality childcare in a big city. There is a lot of value in her being the one to raise our kids with our values. Especially considering the income would be very small after we took out childcare expenses. We've thought about homeschooling until like 3rd or 4th grade since she is a teacher. Better than most public schools, but cheaper than quality private.

riverripper wrote:
If you look at what some of the big name GM companies pay its in the low 100s, vs 120ish for consulting so its not the hugest of difference. Yes the sign on bonuses may not be as large and year end bonuses at both GM and consulting will be far less than IB...depending on who you work for GM and MC bonuses could be similar. However, GM and marketing jobs are commonly located in areas where the cost of living is far far less. So a 100k salary in a medium sized city in the midwest is definitely going to go a lot further than 120k+ in NYC, Boston, SF, Chicago, LA etc.

Just make sure you lay your cards on the table with your wife and let her have her vote. Remember its not just about making tons of money its about enjoying what you do...if you hate what you do now then that will cause just as many problems as money being a little tight because you went to school and started a job that you absolutely love.


We are definitely doing that. It's not been an easy process, but it's been one that has helped us grow as a couple. I discussed with her terp26's idea of doing I-banking out of school for a few years and living like paupers in order to be debt free with a 5-year plan. She liked the idea of debt-free, she didn't like the idea of 80-90 hour weeks.

As for cost of living, I've found some online calculators. I found that Boston compared to Oklahoma City is about 55% higher (meaning $100k in OKC = $155k in Boston). I'm sure NYC, Chicago, LA, SF are not going to be far off.

What we'd do for GM is live on the salary using it to pay all bills + monthly loan debt and use bonuses to pay down debt. We woudn't need to be debt free, just make it where it was more manageable and I could take a lower pay job if necessary.
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Re: Family + Post-MBA Career = Oil + Water [#permalink]
That would probably be a good idea to try it if I was already employed with them and had to go negotiate with my boss or leave, but from a year before ever setting foot on a b-school campus, I don't think it's a solid plan for me. I'm more likely to work the 6a - 7pm. I'm ready to do what I have to do, but I don't want to just blindly run into something and then think of the consequences later. I want this very badly, but I must make a wise decision or I could regret it for the rest of my life. Also, saying your friend is likely the expection that proves the rule is an understatement.

ac8706 wrote:
A friend of mine who finished his MBA from Chicago GSB in 2007 has been working at McKinsey in NYC for local customers only. He/his wife had twins in the fall of 2007 and he negotiated for something with no (or absolute minimal) travel so he could spend more time with the kids. He still worked long hours (8a-9p) but came home at night. Not sure how easy that is to do, not sure what impact it has on salary but just throwing it out there as another idea to explore...

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Re: Family + Post-MBA Career = Oil + Water [#permalink]
good point - just making sure the idea was out there :)

jallenmorris wrote:
That would probably be a good idea to try it if I was already employed with them and had to go negotiate with my boss or leave, but from a year before ever setting foot on a b-school campus, I don't think it's a solid plan for me. I'm more likely to work the 6a - 7pm. I'm ready to do what I have to do, but I don't want to just blindly run into something and then think of the consequences later. I want this very badly, but I must make a wise decision or I could regret it for the rest of my life. Also, saying your friend is likely the expection that proves the rule is an understatement.

ac8706 wrote:
A friend of mine who finished his MBA from Chicago GSB in 2007 has been working at McKinsey in NYC for local customers only. He/his wife had twins in the fall of 2007 and he negotiated for something with no (or absolute minimal) travel so he could spend more time with the kids. He still worked long hours (8a-9p) but came home at night. Not sure how easy that is to do, not sure what impact it has on salary but just throwing it out there as another idea to explore...

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Re: Family + Post-MBA Career = Oil + Water [#permalink]
jallenmorris wrote:
That would probably be a good idea to try it if I was already employed with them and had to go negotiate with my boss or leave, but from a year before ever setting foot on a b-school campus, I don't think it's a solid plan for me. I'm more likely to work the 6a - 7pm. I'm ready to do what I have to do, but I don't want to just blindly run into something and then think of the consequences later. I want this very badly, but I must make a wise decision or I could regret it for the rest of my life. Also, saying your friend is likely the expection that proves the rule is an understatement.


6am - 7pm sounds like Sales & Trading hours to me. From the perspective of family life, you'll be at home every night, and you'll rarely work weekends. Not an unreasonable workload for compensation levels roughly equal to investment banking. Generally, the biggest downside of the S&T career path is the risk involved. It's easy to lose your job if you don't perform in S&T, although quick promotions and fat bonuses are also common for those that do well. This differs from IB, where if you keep your head down and work hard, you're reasonably safe for at least 3-4 years through the associate levels (and perhaps 6-7 years through the VP years). Of course, every now and then the economy takes a bite out of investment banking (like right now) and sends people to the bread lines in droves.

That set-up with McKinsey sounds like a real rarity - they are known to be mad travelers and their consultants jump from one assignment to the next in rapid succession (no more than 6 weeks I think). That's even more challenging than traveling to the same city over a longer period of time, because in that case you can at least develop a routine. I do think that Bain claims to ask their consultants to travel less - perhaps only 1-2 days per week. I'm definitely planning to ask my friends when I get back to school what their experiences were like. I'm surprised that nobody here at GMATclub has posted about summer experiences as consultants.
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Re: Family + Post-MBA Career = Oil + Water [#permalink]
Sometimes I get very frustrated with my wife because I feel like i'm bending over backwards to make it where she can be the stay at home mom that we both want her to be. Sometimes what she says seems simply like lip service. "I know you need to make all the money to pay all the bills if I'm going to stay home." And then she says "I don't want you gone at night and I want you home earlier than 7 pm so you'll actually have time to spend with the kids." It's like she thinks I'm looking for any chance to stay away. She wants to have the benefit of being at home with the kids but doesn't want to make the sacrifices it will take. And I mean SACRIFICES that it will take. The benefits are worth all the hassle in my eyes (I realize it's not like that for some, and in NO WAY am I judging those that choose daycare. I grew up in day care while my mom and dad worked and I turned out great! :lol:).

Has anyone else had to deal with a spouse that seemed to have unrealistic expectations? I'm not going to be able to work 40-45 hours / week and give my family the life I want to give them. I don't want to be focused on material things, but to an extent you do have to buy food and shelter!
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Re: Family + Post-MBA Career = Oil + Water [#permalink]
It is hard these days for lots of family to have the life they aspire to with only one income. It really depends what you want to do. I mean saving for retirement and college, all while trying to provide the life you want for your kids is tough. Obviously if you want to spend the time with your family it may negatively affect your career growth or at least your earning power because of the careers you will choose.

Thankfully my wife wants to have a career...I think its much more common these days for college educated women to want to have a career. I would bet when we have kids she will take a year off or so then we will hire a nanny. We may choose to have kids right after graduation because we will be used to having one income. Life is super expensive these days if you want the american dream (wife and kids, w/ a house, cars, a dog, vacations, and all the other trappings).

I hate to be judgemental about the idea of home schooling but based on the kids I know growing up and guys I worked with who home schooled their kids...you are much better off having your kids go to school. If you have a decent income you can live in a town where the education system is good, the houses will be more expensive but its cheaper than spending 50k a year for private school for two kids. The home schooled children I knew seemed lacked some social skills or were from super religious families which made for some huge culture shock come high school or college. One of my former co-workers daughters dropped out of college because she couldnt handle it.

Once your kids are school age then I dont see the point in having a stay at home mom, especially if your wife was a teacher the hours for that match with the kids perfectly. My wife's mother was a stay at home mom until they were out of elementary school and she said it got boring cleaning and cooking all day to fill up your time. My mother was a teacher and I really dont remember her not being around much. I mean she was around every weekend, holiday, and all summer...not many careers allow that and still pay decent. In my opinion these days people want the mothers and fathers to both be involved, its not like 50 years ago where the man's just supposed to pay the bills and punish the kids. When I do have kids I want to be involved in their lives, I dont want to have to work 90 hours a week to bring home an income large enough so that my wife doesnt have to work at all.
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Re: Family + Post-MBA Career = Oil + Water [#permalink]
Great thread here. If you aren't gunning for the HUGE comp package (and the hours/travel associated with it) I think it is a very good idea to aim for a lower-tier (defined subjectively of course) school where you can get a scholarship. Alternatively, if you want the expensive top-flight MBA and want to work it off quickly, definitely look into living/working in Houston--I know you can save a lot of $$$ living there and the opportunities are plentiful.

I'm constantly thinking over how I can best balance my career aspirations w/ how I want my family life to be. One thing I've learned at my current firm is that if you're the boss, you get to decide how much time to spend w/ your family. Maybe you'll have just as much if not more demands on your time at work, but the key is that you have the ultimate freedom to decide. That is how I'm hoping to end up but in my industry you have to put in some solid time to get to that point, unless you're a super-star.
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Re: Family + Post-MBA Career = Oil + Water [#permalink]
jallenmorris wrote:
Sometimes I get very frustrated with my wife because I feel like i'm bending over backwards to make it where she can be the stay at home mom that we both want her to be. Sometimes what she says seems simply like lip service. "I know you need to make all the money to pay all the bills if I'm going to stay home." And then she says "I don't want you gone at night and I want you home earlier than 7 pm so you'll actually have time to spend with the kids." It's like she thinks I'm looking for any chance to stay away. She wants to have the benefit of being at home with the kids but doesn't want to make the sacrifices it will take. And I mean SACRIFICES that it will take. The benefits are worth all the hassle in my eyes (I realize it's not like that for some, and in NO WAY am I judging those that choose daycare. I grew up in day care while my mom and dad worked and I turned out great! :lol:).

Has anyone else had to deal with a spouse that seemed to have unrealistic expectations? I'm not going to be able to work 40-45 hours / week and give my family the life I want to give them. I don't want to be focused on material things, but to an extent you do have to buy food and shelter!


I can't say I'm in the exact same situation as you, but I have had the same debate with myself and my wife over what career path I should pursue following my MBA. I'm doing a 1-year program, in Europe, as an American, so I'm operating under a whole different set of parameters than you are. My wife works full-time and will only take time off from work after our next kid.

I left the Army in order to escape the deployments and being away from my family (we have a 2-year old and plan another soon), but it seems all the "awesome" and lucrative jobs are the ones in which you really "work for the money", i.e. sacrifice your personal and family life for the firm. I totally understand the logic here. It's all business. But, I didn't leave the Army in order to go into another career which keeps me away from my family the majority of the time. Then again, like others have said here, if you (AND YOUR FAMILY) can "suck it up" for 2-3 years while doing an IB or MC stint, then you can almost guarantee a good future for your family in terms of opportunity and quality of life. It sounds good and perhaps it does work out, but you only really know until you're actually going through it. And then again, my wife always tells me the money doesn't matter! I happen to agree with her in principle....

I'm not sure if you feel the same way I do, but I think the reason why I debate this issue so much is due to the idea of wasted potential. We all know we can achieve "greatness" when we put 110% effort into any endeavor. Whether or not I'm wasting my potential is actually true (that's another debate!), but I believe that it is often hard to settle for a career option that pays less, when we think we can be quite successful (and also fulfilled) in another career that pays more. Also, we often struggle with the idea of settling for less than the best, i.e. going to a non-top 10 MBA or god forbid a regional school!!!

Ultimately, it comes down to circumstance. You and I could have wives that don't care about us pursuing the "demanding" career routes post-MBA, and that would change each of our destinies. The hard thing to accept (maybe not so hard) is that is simply not the present case, and so we are "forced" to choose careers that offer the best compromise between family time and still offer good pay and professional development. When I say "forced", I don't mean that in a negative sense. It is what it is. Our environment often pushes us down certain paths, and sometimes we may question the outcome at the end of said path. Alright, I need to stop getting too philosophical here!!!

This has become a complete stream of consciousness, and I can't even remember the point I was trying to make. Or, did I even have a point to begin with?!

Well, I can say though, that you're not alone!!!
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Re: Family + Post-MBA Career = Oil + Water [#permalink]
I'll write my response in the same way we all think when reading them. We read a little and think about it. I'll intersperse your post with my own thoughts on what you say. What I think is in red.

riverripper wrote:
It is hard these days for lots of family to have the life they aspire to with only one income. People have unrealistic expectations. I could think we could live on one income, but then go out and buy a brand new car and eat out everyday at lunch and then wonder why my bank account goes red at the end of every month! My wife and I have been realistic with what we do with the income we do have. Plus, I'm working full time while also doing some legal work on the side as well as programming websites for 2nd (or 3rd?) income.It really depends what you want to do. I mean saving for retirement and college Call me horrible, but I doubt that I'll pay for my kid's entire college. I believe you cherish the things you get on your own. I would like to have the money to pay for their college, but if that's the case, what we plan on doing is saying "We have $X towards your school. You can get scholarships, loans, whatever. When you're done, if we have $200k for your school and you got a full ride, but it would have cost $200k to go, you have $200k cash in your pocket. If you got $200k in loans, you're loans are paid off. Or any scenario in between. The point is they get a degree, they then get the money. If they want to take 6 years to get it, that's fine. But I'm only going to reimburse them for 4 (or 5 if they earn a degree that typically takes 5 like engineering), all while trying to provide the life you want for your kids is tough. Obviously if you want to spend the time with your family it may negatively affect your career growth or at least your earning power because of the careers you will choose.Amen!

Thankfully my wife wants to have a careermine does want a career too, but she's ready to be at home for the kids until school age and then may go back to work, or something else if her business takes off....I think its much more common these days for college educated women to want to have a career. I would bet when we have kids she will take a year off or so then we will hire a nanny. We may choose to have kids right after graduation because we will be used to having one income. Life is super expensive these days if you want the american dream Far too many people want what they won't work to attain and if they do attain it from the work, they resent it because the sacrifices they had to make in order to get it. This is human nature and I think we're not new to the game.(wife and kids, w/ a house, cars, a dog, vacationswhats this? Will we even be able to say the word once we're in our post-mba careers?, and all the other trappings).

I hate to be judgemental about the idea of home schooling but based on the kids I know growing up and guys I worked with who home schooled their kids...you are much better off having your kids go to school. I've seen the stereotypical homeschool kids too. And while our decision is only slightly based on faith and religion, it's mainly that we believe my wife can provide a better foundation for learning than the majority of school in America. There are many more options for homeschoolers now than there were in the past. We've met people that homeschool their kids that we want nothing to do with. We've met others that homeschool and are very normal. Parents that have unsocial homeschool children don't understand what is truly an education. Education is not simply the books that teach kids 1+1=2 and apple begins with A. For the first 2 or 3 years, preschool to about 2nd grade, the 95% of what the kids learn is social interaction. My wife is the type that will either seek out the social interraction or start groups for other parents doing homeschool so the kids can get the social interraction. No one wants to raise kids that can't hack it in reality, but too many parents don't have a broad view of what education their kids really need. Learning at the age of 5 that it's not nice to hit or bite is actually more important than learning that \(a^2 + b^2 = c^2\) at the age of 5. If you have a decent income you can live in a town where the education system is good, the houses will be more expensive but its cheaper than spending 50k a year for private school for two kids. The home schooled children I knew seemed lacked some social skills or were from super religious families which made for some huge culture shock come high school or college. We are Christians, but frankly, there are many "Christians" that embarrass me to death. This is not the motivation for us to homeschool. It's purely about my daughter's personality and her ability to learn in an effective manner. If we homeschool, we probably won't homeschool beyond 4th or 5th grade at the oldest. One of my former co-workers daughters dropped out of college because she couldnt handle it. Homeschooling is not bad. Bad homeschooling is bad. Make sense? Probably not, i'm going on stream of consciousness too.

Once your kids are school age then I dont see the point in having a stay at home mom, especially if your wife was a teacher the hours for that match with the kids perfectly. We think this too. We'll constantly assess what is right. Our kids' development may change to where being in school is the best for them. Too many people that homeschool think that what they decided for their kid when their kid was 6 is the same thing their kid needs when the kid is 12. This isn't true! Kids change so much from 6 to 7 let alone 6 to 12. You have to constantly asses what the kid needs and the parent's ability to provide that in a school setting. Too many of them view sending their kids "to" school as a failure once they've started homeschooling and that's just not true. If people claim it's a failure because you saw what your child needed and realized the best place was in a school and not at homeschool, that person is a moron. Keep doing the best for your child and don't listen to anyone else. My wife's mother was a stay at home mom until they were out of elementary school and she said it got boring cleaning and cooking all day to fill up your time. I don't expect her to be the wife that doesn't need a watch because there's a clock on the oven. In fact she's starting a business that I would be so happy to help her build. She's a very talented children's clothing designer and I would even let her hire met post-MBA if her business started taking off. My mother was a teacher so was mine, and my grandmother, and my grandmother's sister. Any wonder I married one too?and I really dont remember her not being around much. I mean she was around every weekend, holiday, and all summer...not many careers allow that and still pay decent. Since when did teachers start getting decent pay? lol. In my opinion these days people want the mothers and fathers to both be involved, its not like 50 years ago where the man's just supposed to pay the bills and punish the kids. When I do have kids I want to be involved in their lives, I dont want to have to work 90 hours a week to bring home an income large enough so that my wife doesnt have to work at all.I agree. This is one reason I'm considering doing the demanding job for 2 - 3 years so that I can take a lot lower salary in a job that offers the intangible benefits of work schedule and family-friendliness.
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Re: Family + Post-MBA Career = Oil + Water [#permalink]
I don't know why you guys are psyching yourselves out like this...

Six years ago, I had a general idea of where I wanted my life and career to be. Now, where I am, and what I do, is about 60% of what I anticipated - for the most part, I over achieved my ambitions. And if there was one thing I learned, its that nothing went EXACTLY as planned.

With that said, I don't know how you guys can theorize on how your work schedule, jobs, etc. will be like 3 years from now. I mean, most of us haven't even applied yet! Business school might change our minds about career options several times through.

On another note, I don't know where people here get the idea that general management would not be as demanding as consulting or IB. Where are you getting your information from? We live in a global economy... GM is not about managing your Mom and Pop shop.

I have a general idea of where I want to be 1, 5, and 10 years from now. But there is no way I can tell which city, company, sector, etc. I'll end up. I have lived in 5 countries in the last 10 years, moved 8 times in the last 7 years, changed 2 jobs, made money in the stock market, lost money in the stock market, flipped a house, and now I might get engaged. I HOPE I get into my top choice business school next year, and for that, the only things I can control are my essays and GMAT scores. The rest is left to the gods!
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Re: Family + Post-MBA Career = Oil + Water [#permalink]
My basis for saying GM is not as demanding as IB or MC is from my conversation this afteroon with a woman that works in the Kellogg Career Management Center. She took about 5 minutes and answered my questions and told me that GM is definitely not as demanding as I-Banking. MC's do spend a lot of time on the road, some firms and locations more than others. That GM is definitely the most family friendly of them all. She took 5 minutes out of her day to talk to me and I haven't even applied to Kellogg yet, who knows if I'll get in if I do apply, and she still took the time to talk to me. If they treat prospective applicants (not even applicants with submitted application), just think of the level of service they'll provide for graduating students?! I'm sold.

sarzan wrote:
I don't know why you guys are psyching yourselves out like this...

Six years ago, I had a general idea of where I wanted my life and career to be. Now, where I am, and what I do, is about 60% of what I anticipated - for the most part, I over achieved my ambitions. And if there was one thing I learned, its that nothing went EXACTLY as planned.

With that said, I don't know how you guys can theorize on how your work schedule, jobs, etc. will be like 3 years from now. I mean, most of us haven't even applied yet! Business school might change our minds about career options several times through.

On another note, I don't know where people here get the idea that general management would not be as demanding as consulting or IB. Where are you getting your information from? We live in a global economy... GM is not about managing your Mom and Pop shop.

I have a general idea of where I want to be 1, 5, and 10 years from now. But there is no way I can tell which city, company, sector, etc. I'll end up. I have lived in 5 countries in the last 10 years, moved 8 times in the last 7 years, changed 2 jobs, made money in the stock market, lost money in the stock market, flipped a house, and now I might get engaged. I HOPE I get into my top choice business school next year, and for that, the only things I can control are my essays and GMAT scores. The rest is left to the gods!
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Re: Family + Post-MBA Career = Oil + Water [#permalink]
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