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# GMAT in few days, could you please rate my AWA

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Intern
Joined: 21 Sep 2012
Posts: 1

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04 Oct 2012, 04:06
I am taking the GMAT next Monday and I am a bit worried of my AWA skills. Could you please rate this essay. Thanking you very much in advance for your help.

"We are spending too much on free customer service after a sale has been made; we need to limit our warranty to two years in order to improve our profit margins. The current lifetime warranty can lead to costs decades into a product's life cycle. Also, we pay our customer service employees a premium because they must possess expert skills across the entirety of our very diverse product line, including products we no longer sell."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.

The argument claims that the company is spending too much money on free services after sale and should reduce the warranty time on its product to two years in order to enhance its profit margins. The argument also argues that customer service employees are paid a premium because their skills cover the entire range of product sold by the firm, including products which are not longer offered. Stated in this way, the argument fails to mention several key factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluated. The conclusion relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Therefore, the argument is rather weak, unconvincing, and has several flaws.

First, the argument readily assumes that a reduction of the warranty time of its products will improve the profit margin. This statement is a stretch and is not substantiated in any way. The warranty time of the firm products was possibly a key selling argument. Consequently, reducing it will be detrimental to the customer satisfaction and will deteriorate the brand image. Therefore, the reduction of the warranty lifetime may increase the profit margin on the short term but will be noxious to the company business on the long run. The author argument would have been strengthened if he had précised the current lifetime warranty and presented the one the firm competitors offer.

Second, the argument claims that employees working in the customer service are too expensive and overqualified, given the fact that they master skills that are not needed. The author nevertheless does not specify any solution or idea to solve this problem. The author overall argument would have been more cogent if he had provided a solution to this phenomenon and explained how this solution would impact the profit margin. For instance, the author could have mentioned a reduction of the premium paid to the employee, or the hiring of new and less qualified workers at a lower cost.

Thirdly, the argument completely ignores the macro and micro economic environment. Actually, in case of tough economic situation, company sales will drop as customer will spend less. However, a higher than the competition warranty lifetime can be a dramatic sale argument allowing the firm to maintain its sale level. The argument would have thus been more convincing if the author had drawn an analysis of the current economic environment.

In summary, the argument has several flaws and is therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all relevant facts. In order to assess a specific situation, it is crucial to have full knowledge and understanding of all contributing factors.
Princeton Review Representative
Joined: 17 Jun 2013
Posts: 161
Re: GMAT in few days, could you please rate my AWA [#permalink]

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25 Jul 2013, 11:30
1
KUDOS
Expert's post
This essay has a good basic form and is well organized. it is clear that you thought through your points and that you know what the essay is asking for. However, the analysis of each of your points is a little bit less than ideal - I am still left having to think through to my own conclusions as the connection between your points is not as clear as it could be. Also, there are a few grammar errors and places where you use words out of context. from a holistic grading perspective I would give this essay a 4 or 4.5 out of 6. deepening your analysis, even if it means having only two good points would improve your score.
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Intern
Joined: 30 Apr 2011
Posts: 48
Re: GMAT in few days, could you please rate my AWA [#permalink]

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25 Jul 2013, 10:12
Did you time yourself? Is it possible to write this long passage within the time allotted?
Intern
Joined: 30 Apr 2011
Posts: 48
Re: GMAT in few days, could you please rate my AWA [#permalink]

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25 Jul 2013, 16:17
I actually myself learned by looking into your essay and the good review by official body Princeton. Thank you kulkarnios and Princeton!
Intern
Status: Yes. It was I who let the dogs out.
Joined: 03 Dec 2012
Posts: 42
H: B
GMAT Date: 08-31-2013
Re: GMAT in few days, could you please rate my AWA [#permalink]

### Show Tags

28 Jul 2013, 06:00
Foxbox wrote:
I am taking the GMAT next Monday and I am a bit worried of my AWA skills. Could you please rate this essay. Thanking you very much in advance for your help.

"We are spending too much on free customer service after a sale has been made; we need to limit our warranty to two years in order to improve our profit margins. The current lifetime warranty can lead to costs decades into a product's life cycle. Also, we pay our customer service employees a premium because they must possess expert skills across the entirety of our very diverse product line, including products we no longer sell."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.

The argument claims that the company is spending too much money on free services after sale and should reduce the warranty time on its product to two years in order to enhance its profit margins. The argument also argues that customer service employees are paid a premium because their skills cover the entire range of product sold by the firm, including products which are not longer offered. Stated in this way, the argument fails to mention several key factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluated. The conclusion relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Therefore, the argument is rather weak, unconvincing, and has several flaws.

First, the argument readily assumes that a reduction of the warranty time of its products will improve the profit margin. This statement is a stretch and is not substantiated in any way. The warranty time of the firm products was possibly a key selling argument. Consequently, reducing it will be detrimental to the customer satisfaction and will deteriorate the brand image. Therefore, the reduction of the warranty lifetime may increase the profit margin on the short term but will be noxious to the company business on the long run. The author argument would have been strengthened if he had précised the current lifetime warranty and presented the one the firm competitors offer.

Second, the argument claims that employees working in the customer service are too expensive and overqualified, given the fact that they master skills that are not needed. The author nevertheless does not specify any solution or idea to solve this problem. The author overall argument would have been more cogent if he had provided a solution to this phenomenon and explained how this solution would impact the profit margin. For instance, the author could have mentioned a reduction of the premium paid to the employee, or the hiring of new and less qualified workers at a lower cost.

Thirdly, the argument completely ignores the macro and micro economic environment. Actually, in case of tough economic situation, company sales will drop as customer will spend less. However, a higher than the competition warranty lifetime can be a dramatic sale argument allowing the firm to maintain its sale level. The argument would have thus been more convincing if the author had drawn an analysis of the current economic environment.

In summary, the argument has several flaws and is therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all relevant facts. In order to assess a specific situation, it is crucial to have full knowledge and understanding of all contributing factors.

Sample Analysis of an Argument Question
Read the Official Sample Analysis of an Argument Question on the MBA.com Website at http://www.mba.com/the-gmat/test-structure-and-overview/analytical-writing-assessment-section/sample-analysis-of-an-argument-question.aspx

You can also purchase the GMAT Write 1 and Write 2 at http://www.vantageonlinestore.com/home.php?cat=299. for Essay writing and feedback.
http://www.vantageonlinestore.com/product.php?productid=16440&cat=299&page=1
GMAT Write™ 1
This web-based essay writing practice tool offers you real GMAT writing prompts along with feedback on how well your essays demonstrate your ability to think critically and communicate ideas.
Each practice essay will be scored in real time with the same automated essay-scoring engine used by the official GMAT® exam.
Upon submitting each essay, you will receive feedback on how well your essays—
•Identify and analyze significant flaws in the argument
•Support your critique using relevant supporting reasons and/or examples
•Develop a clearly organized and coherent response
•Demonstrate control of language, including diction, syntax, and conventions of standard written English

With each \$29.99 subscription you purchase, you’ll receive two unique essay prompts and have the chance to write four essays, two for each prompt.
After completing the essays, you will receive immediate results that show you how you would likely score on the writing exams and how you could improve your scores.

http://www.vantageonlinestore.com/product.php?productid=16441&cat=299&page=1
GMAT Write™ 2
This web-based essay writing practice tool offers you real GMAT writing prompts along with feedback on how well your essays demonstrate your ability to think critically and communicate ideas.
Each practice essay will be scored in real time with the same automated essay-scoring engine used by the official GMAT® exam.
Upon submitting each essay, you will receive feedback on how well your essays—
•Identify and analyze significant flaws in the argument
•Support your critique using relevant supporting reasons and/or examples
•Develop a clearly organized and coherent response
•Demonstrate control of language, including diction, syntax, and conventions of standard written English

With each \$29.99 subscription you purchase, you’ll receive two unique essay prompts and have the chance to write four essays, two for each prompt.
After completing the essays, you will receive immediate results that show you how you would likely score on the writing exams and how you could improve your scores.

Current Analytical Writing Assessment Topics
You may download the complete list of current Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA) Analysis of an Argument Topics used during the administration of the GMAT exam at
http://www.mba.com/~/media/Files/mba/NEWTheGMAT/AnalysisofanArgument100606.pdf.

The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Elements_of_Style
William Strunk, Jr. (1 July 1869 – 26 September 1946), was a professor of English at Cornell University and author of the The Elements of Style (1918), which, after being revised and enlarged by his former student E. B. White, became a highly influential guide to English usage during the late 20th century.

http://www.amazon.com/Elements-Style-Fourth-William-Strunk/dp/020530902X/ref=sr_1_1/186-8560226-2308145?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1375054689&sr=1-1
The Elements of Style, Fourth Edition [Paperback]
William Strunk Jr. (Author), E. B. White (Author), Roger Angell (Foreword)

You can read the book online at http://www.bartleby.com/141/
The University of Amsterdam has the made the earlier edition of the book available in pdf at http://www.cs.vu.nl/~jms/doc/elos.pdf.
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Re: GMAT in few days, could you please rate my AWA   [#permalink] 28 Jul 2013, 06:00
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